Catalyst of Dreams

8. You're Just a Kid

“Bree, we can’t stay up here forever.”

“Why not? Maberly probably missed us while you were gone.”

“Why didn’t you just come on your own?”

I didn’t want to talk about it so I quickly changed the subject.

“How’s your Sobo?”

Lilia looks at me pointedly before speaking.

“She’s good. She remembered me this time. We spent a lot of time in her garden.”

“I wish I could see her garden. Is it really like the movie?”

“Yes! You have to go through the gate and she even has a swing by the koi pond.”

“We might not have a secret garden, but I am glad we have our tree.”

“About that… Bree it’s been days. I’m hungry.”

“Lilia, it isn’t safe to go down yet. Just eat another apple.”

“I’m tired of apples! Why can’t we have real food? I could really go for some sushi right about now.” 

“Fine! You can go. But I’m not going.”

“What are you afraid of Bree? Why won’t you tell me?”

“Lilia. It’s not safe to tell you. It’s better you don’t know.”

“I don’t understand. I thought we are friends.”

“We are. Please stop.”

Lilia etches closer to me from the limb she’s sitting on and reaches for my hand.

I quickly draw back.

“No Lilia, don’t come closer.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because! I just… no… just go.”

“You really want me to go?”

“Yes. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“So that’s it? You just want to end this now?”

“Yes, go!”

“You can’t do this. You’re my girlfriend! I thought you cared about me?”

“I do! Kyle… I just can’t right now.”

Kyle? I blink into the darkness making out the underside of the bunk bed above me. 

I can hear voices getting louder in the living room.

“I thought you loved me and now you’re telling me to go!?”

“I do love you… Please lower your voice. Bree is sleeping.”

I crack open the door concerned by the sudden shouting. I make my way down the hall and look around the corner. The only light is coming from a lamp on the end table next to the love seat. I see the figure of a tall boy with light brown hair hovering over another figure, I recognize as Lindsey. 

“If you love me, you would be comfortable being with me… really being with me.”

He tucks her hair behind her ear and leans in to kiss her. I turn away telling myself to go back to my room but then-

“Kyle don’t- ” I hear Lindsey start to say.

“Leave her alone!” I hear myself shouting at the boy who is in the middle of undoing her shirt.

“Bree! Go back to your room!” Lindsey yells at me as she’s struggling to get up.

“But Lynn-” I begin to protest.

“Get out!” She yells at me. She’s really angry.

I turn and run to my room. I’ve never seen her this mad before.

Moments later I hear a quiet knock on my door and an attempt to open the door that I keep locked now-a-days.

“Bree? Can you open up please?”

I hesitate. Lindsey doesn’t seem angry anymore but I’m not even sure why I made her so upset. I cross the room and turn the lock. 

Lindsey doesn’t waste any time and pushes open the door and closes it swiftly behind her.

“Listen Bree, I don’t know why you pretended to be sick-”

“But I-”

“I don’t care what your reasoning is. Just please listen and stop talking.”

I want to object again, but instead I close my mouth and nod.

“Okay,” she started again, “Like I said, I don’t need to know why you didn’t want to go with dad, fishing.. I just need to know what the hell you were thinking spying on me.”

“I wasn’t spying!” I felt the heat rise in my cheeks at the accusation. “I was sleeping and I heard shouting. I thought he was hurting you-”

“Hurting me!?” she asks shocked, “Why would you even think that? Kyle would never hurt me.”

“But I heard you.” I try to explain, “I heard you tell him to stop.”

“Bree you don’t understand,” Lindsey says. “You’re just a kid… When you’re in a committed relationship there are things that more mature adults do.”

“You’re not an adult” I object, “And I’m not just a kid.”

She sighs loudly.

“I’m a young adult, and you are a kid” she retorts. “You haven’t even had a period.”

“What does a period have anything to do with it?” I ask, confused.

“Exactly! You probably don’t even know what a period is,” she says.

I actually don’t. I just know they kept these sticky pads in the cabinet for that “time of month.”

“So what?” I say.

“So what? You aren’t a woman until you have a period. There are things that young adults in a relationship do that you know nothing about because. you. are. a. kid.”

She throws her hands up, annoyed at having to explain anything. Even though she isn’t really explaining anything. 

“I’m not a kid.” I repeat. “And even if i’m. just. a. kid. You didn’t look like you were okay.”

She looks like I just offended her.

“You really don’t understand anything.” She says. “Just stay in your room the rest of the night and mind your own business!”

She turns abruptly and slams the door on the way out.

I don’t realize my chest is heaving as my breathing becomes erratic. I feel dizzy as I try to grab onto the nightstand next to the bed. I can feel the thoughts spinning in my head. 

You’re just a kid. You don’t know anything.

I try to object to the thoughts shouting loudly in my head when everything in the room goes dark.

*          *          *

“Bree? Bree, wake up…”

I can hear Lindsey’s voice coaxing me awake.

“Bree, come on. Please get off the floor…”

My eyes feel heavy but I manage to open them. I blink a few times as the ceiling light in my room comes into focus.

With difficulty, I turn my head and look into Lindsey’s face. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concern. She is kneeling next to me with her hand on my shoulder.

“Lynn? What are you-”

“Oh my gosh Bree! You scared me to death! What are you doing on the damn floor? I couldn’t tell if you were breathing!”

I try to recall any memory I had. We were fighting and Lindsey left… and then... darkness.

“I don’t know…” I began. “I must have fallen back asleep.”

“On the floor!? What is going on with you?”

I try to sit up but my head is still spinning. I remember now feeling dizzy and conclude I must have passed out. 

“I told you I didn’t feel well.” I say.

“I thought you were lying Bree. Please get into bed. I’ll grab you something to drink,” she says as she tries to support me and help me climb into the bed. 

I don’t say anything as she pauses to study my physical state and then heads to the kitchen. Moments later she comes back with a glass of grape juice.

I manage to sit up and take a few gulps.

She sits at the edge of the bed and she makes a face like she’s thinking hard about what to say.

“Bree…” she began, “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

I don’t know what to say so I just stay quiet.

“Okay… so you’re not going to talk to me now?”

I look at her apprehensively. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her but these days I’m finding it quite difficult to comprehend the million thoughts in my head. I would rather ignore them.

“Is Kyle still here?”

“Kyle? No. He left a while ago. Why?”

Why? Maybe because he’s scum.

“You should have told me he would be here.”

“Maybe I should have. I don’t know Bree, but what you saw earlier. You can’t tell anyone, especially mom and dad.”

“What exactly happened earlier?” I felt a bit desperate to understand.

“I think you’re too young to talk about these things.”

Maybe that’s the problem.

“Please Lynn? I-” my voice almost breaks with my plea. “I-”

I feel the burning from the tears forming in my eyes.

“Nothing.” I take a deep breath. Now is not the time to lose my nerves. “I just want everyone to stop treating me like a child and, and I just… I just-”

My breathing becomes a little uneven.

“Woah Bree. Just breathe. How do you expect me to talk to you about this if you can’t stay calm?”

“I’m trying to stay calm!” I don’t mean to yell but I start to get frustrated.

“Bree! Firstly. Just stop!” Lynn commands. “IF you're really sick, it’s obviously not a good time to be talking about this stuff. I shouldn’t be the one to talk about this stuff with you anyways.”

“Then who? Mom? Dad?” I ask haughtily. “Dad’s too busy with all his work stuff and mom? ugh. She’s got Jane. She has no time for me.”

“Is this what you’re so upset about Bree?” She looks like she just had an epiphany. “You’re jealous? of Jane?”

I look at her dumbfounded. 

“NO! I don’t care about all that” I protest.

“Come on Bree! This is classic. You’re not the baby anymore and you’re just going to have to deal with it. You need to learn to grow up because that’s just how life is.”

What is she going on about?

“Forget it Lynn.”

“Alright. If you can’t come to terms with not being the center of attention, I can’t help you.” She says as she stands up, getting ready to leave.

“I don’t want the attention, believe me” I say crossly. “I’m sorry for fighting earlier too. I’m sorry your boyfriend seems like a real jerk.”

Her face turns a shade of red.

“He isn’t Bree! and I’m serious! You better keep your mouth shut about him being here. If you tell mom and dad I’ll rat you out about lying and being sick and I will make your life hell!”

I think she means it so I internally battle with wanting to yell back. 

“Whatever Lynn. I won’t say anything.”

“Good. Now go back to bed. If you’re still ‘sick’ in the morning, I’ll warm up some broth.” 

I see her roll her eyes as she turns to leave. 

I am so heated and frustrated, I resolve in that moment to never talk to anyone about “adult stuff” again. It only makes things worse and I feel more lonely than ever.

*          *          *