How I Wish

Chapter Nineteen

We sat at the edge of the dock going through a book filled with names and meanings. As Ashlee scanned the book from cover to cover, considering all possibilities, I glared at Xavier through my sunglasses.

"How was it fair that we are here stressing and he's over there joking around?" I muttered in irritation. Xavier ran back and forth through the water playing catch with Sean using a dark leather football.

"Stressing?" she laughed lightly, masking the subtle strain in her tone. "I'm relaxed, you're relax. Who's stressing? I mean why should we? Neither of us were raised by a steady father, I mean at least I wasn't. We can do this. I can do this. I have my mom. I can do this. Who's stressing?" She rambled more to herself than to me before she went quiet once more.

I sighed and kicked the water below my feet creating small waves. Ashlee's breathing was so quiet; I had to look over the book to make sure she was still conscious. I hated how pressure was always placed on a woman to be strong and independent in these situations. I mean she didn't wake up one day and impregnate herself. This was also her life changing as well. Don't you think she would like the option to run away, as if it was that simple?

But I knew Ashlee, and she was stubborn and determined. When she put her mind to something, it was written in stone never to be erased.

"How about Zeus, it means-" Ashlee suggested before I interrupted.

"I think I know what it means Ashlee and why would you name it that?" I rolled my eyes.

"It's powerful," she laughed "And it's Greek"

"Why do you insist on a Greek name?"

"Its father is Greek. He should have some part of the baby." she murmured quietly. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something that would hurt her feelings. She was doing her best and I was here for support not more judgement; she had enough of that being pregnant and still in high school.

After the sun began to set, we all headed in to freshen up for dinner. The take out Italian cuisine covered the table as we all sat around it. When I felt something touch my hand, I pulled out of my own thoughts and joined the room once more.

"Are you okay?" Trent wondered as he rubbed my fingers.

"Fine" I smiled.

"You haven't been yourself since we got here" he observed.

"Sorry" I muttered as I placed a few strings of pasta in my mouth to avoid conversation.

"Where are you gonna go to college Leigh?" Sean laughed. Everyone's attention turned to me, most of them laughing from a previous joke.

"I don't know" I cleared my throat as I glanced over at Ashlee. We had a plan. We were going to go off together, room together, and build our lives together. A few more months...

I pursed my lips together as I remembered our chanting from the beginning of the year when we found out I would be moving once again. A few more months...

Now it was gone. Everything is now on it's head, flipped, and tossed. Nothing was for certain anymore.

"What do you mean? I thought we already talked about this?" Trent whispered into my ear, his lips against my skin.

"Yeah" I agreed for the sake of avoiding argument.

He raised his brows at me in curiosity and worry.

"What about you Ashlee?" Jess asked.

"Huh?" Ashlee looked dazed, as if she was hoping they weren't talking to her. "Oh, yeah, I'm not"

"Why?" Xavier wondered out loud. Ashlee peered up at him with big bright eyes before she swallowed.

"I'm just not" She replied.

"I can help if it's about the money," He muttered to her as if they were the only ones talking.

"It's not... Just drop it. Please." She excused herself fast, fixing her large shirt over her body as she stood to walk away.

I rose from my seat when Xavier rose from his. I held my palm up to stop him. "You've done enough." I muttered

I hurried out the back door to find her on the beach watching the wild waves.

"You're going to college." she informed me.

"What?" I breathed as I stood beside her.

"This happened to me, not you. You have a future and a chance to get more from this world. I might have lost mine but you're going. For the both of us" she panted, tears rolling down her face.

"Don't worry about that now" I pushed.

"Promise me" She argued.

We stared at each other before the wind began to pick up. "I don't think I can do it alone" I rasped.

"You're not alone Leigh." She comforted pulling me into a tight hug. We remained attached until we heard someone coming towards us.

"You broke up with me remember? You don't get to play the victim," Xavier's angry voice pulled us apart. I stepped in front of Ashlee slightly protective. "And you," he turned to me this time and I froze "What do you mean I've done enough?"

"I didn't... It wasn't ..." I stammered, not able to back up my point.

"She never meant anything by it," Ashlee interjected, moving me out of the way. "And I never once played the victim here. We made a decision and we stand by it." She reassured him.

Xavier was quiet as he gazed at her like his eyes have just recovered after surgery. "You made a decision," he muttered quietly "I didn't have a choice."

"You had plenty of options, Avie" She whispered. He raised his arm to caress her cheek but she moved her face before he could touch her. She hurried into the house without a glance backwards.

Xavier looked more tortured than I have ever seen him. The once confident and self-assured person I knew looked confused and lost. His hand fell into his pocket as his head hung. "I just don't understand what went wrong," he whimpered.

I reached to touch him, to comfort him. I've been thinking such bad things about him after I found out what occurred between them. But it didn't seem like Ashlee was giving him much choice in the matter.

Was I wrong for wanting the best for her? Was I wrong for wanting my friend back? I've always asked him to tell me everything and he has. I have held him accountable for a multitude of Trent's mishaps, so was I not be accountable for Ashlees'?

I glanced down at my feet and then at Xavier as our eyes met. "She's pregnant." I told him.