Bullet To The Heart

Tears Like Lava

Tears Like Lava"I'm going to refill our pain medication and antidepressant-I want you to go see the physical therapist and think about if you want a prosthetic" The doctor said to Elliot, Randy stood next to Elliot, holding his hand tightly, the golden band glowing on his finger.

"If I do all of this-how long until I can walk on my own again?"

"Maybe as quick as three months-it might take a year- it depends on your support system" the man smiled at Randy, "and how hard you're willing to work for it"

"Three months" Elliot nodded to himself, setting this goal that Randy would wholeheartedly help him achieve.

"I also want you to think about seeing a normal therapist-these are going to be a few hard moths Elliot- even though you have someone so sweet and strong by your side. There are going to be times and things you don't want to talk at all, you might get violent outbursts, you might get into extreme pits of depression, you might even find yourself disgusted with yourself or with Randy. Just know that none of it is you-this is just the aftermath of a good soldier"

"I'd never be disgusted with Randy" Elliot declared, making Randy blush, "he is godly"

Randy looked at his feet and blushed harder, Elliot pulled him closer until Randy could almost stand on top of him. He clicked his tongue and Randy glanced at him- he was smiling- not one bit ashamed at how gooey and in love they looked.

"I want to see you back in three weeks, make sure to keep your dressings clean and try and air all your wounds out at least once a week, if anything comes up call me. Right away." The doctor said, and they both nodded.

"Since he's stubborn I'll most likely be the one calling" Randy snickered and nudged Elliot's head with his elbow.

"I'll got get your prescriptions" the doctor smiled, "I'll be right back"

Suddenly they were alone, and Randy got on his knees in front of him.

"If you need anything Ellie-tell me. I will not hesitate to cross an ocean for you, understand?"

"Make sure you take care of yourself too- you've lost weight Randy. I see it I really do. Your eyes are sunken into your head and you are always picking at your nails, I'm still your teddy alright? You can tell me anything and everything" Elliot said looking deep into Randy’s eyes.

Randy held his hands and nodded, knowing that he would have to tell Elliot just how bad he fell apart. He didn't want to- Elliot was dealing with enough. The doctor walked back in and handed Randy Elliot's Rx's. They said their good byes and Randy wheeled Elliot down the hallway-into the elevator-and out to the pick-up truck.

It was a chore to get Elliot in and out of the tall pick up, but he refused to let Randy sell it for a smaller car, he said it was a part of Randy and he knew it-he couldn't bear for Randy to have to get rid of it because of him.

Randy helped him up and he used his strong arms to hull himself into the passenger seat. Randy folded his wheelchair and leaned next to him, "I love you"  Randy kissed his lips quickly and was about to pull away when Elliot grabbed him closer.

His lips met Randy’s with a roughness Randy had never felt from him and melted into him, "I love you too, more than you know-whatever you do or say I will love you-just know that"

Randy nodded, his words caught in his throat and went to put Elliot’s wheelchair in the bed of his truck. When Randy slid into the driver's seat, Elliot’s hand was open and waiting for Randy’s. Randy slipped his fingers against Elliot’s and they stared the hour drive back home. Since they lived in a pretty small town the doctor Elliot needed was about three towns over. 

--

They made it into the house and Elliot plopped himself on the couch. Randy went to walk away and make dinner, but Elliot pulled him to sit next to him.

"We can order pizza" he whispered, his hand falling on Randy’s hip and his weak arm dragged over the farmers stomach, "tell me what I missed randy-tell me where you are right now"

"Wishing I had three shots of whisky and a hit of crack" Randy admitted, and he could feel Elliot tense but relax and lean his head on Randy’s shoulder, "I did some bad stuff Elliot" tears pricked at his eyes and his voice wavered, "like anything I could get my hands on. I just wanted the pain to go away. I tried anything. I started my AA meets right before you came back, I've almost been a month clean" Randy cried.

"I'm so proud of you" Elliot whispered.

"It hurts to eat or look at my arms here there a needle marks and I hate looking in the mirror. I don't look like I used to, I'm skinnier and more hallow"

"That's okay"

"Elliot, I have a stomach full of bile half the time and I want to vomit it up all the time. I am terrified for you to see me with my clothes off-I look like a worm" Randy laughed pitifully, "here you are this amazingly handsome and strong man-still a god even when beaten up like hell, and I couldn't even spend a few months on my own without falling apart and forgetting to take care of myself"

"Randy-listen to me" He said and Randy looked at him through the corners of his eyes, "Every single day I was over there, thousands of miles away from you I was hoping I'd get hurt so I could be sent home, I cried myself to sleep half the nights, my hands shook when I had to touch the trigger, all I was thinking was that I needed to come home to you, without even knowing you became my whole world and being away from you made me feel sick.. I am proud of you-for making it through this- for helping me every single day- for being a month clean- and mostly I am proud of you for telling me all of this"

"Can we just sleep?" Randy asked, his voice in a low whisper.

"Grab the blanket on the arm of the chair" Elliot said, and Randy stood up, grabbing the quilt his grandmother made him and when he turned around to face Elliot, he was lying down, head crushing a few throw pillows, "C'mon sweet heart, lets sleep"

"There is a whole queen-sized mattress in the bedroom"

"Come on-let's be stupid and get colds because we slept on the couch like idiots, please Randy- I just want us to be stupid in love without drugs and phantom limb aches and your father staring me down like a bull seeing red. I love you. You love me. Let's sleep knowing only those two things. Nothing else."

Randy crawled into his arms, the younger mans hips settling between his and his head fell on Elliot’s chest. He pulled the blanket under Randy’s chin and he rubbed Randy’s back, "nothing else" he whispered, and Randy’s eyes felt heavy- Elliot’s voice lulling Randy to the wonderful world of sleep, "just us"