Bullet To The Heart

Arms Like Guns

Arms Like GunsRandy pulled the bale of hay over the stall for his favorite horse - benny- and threw some to her. She whinnied in reply and Randy looked at her with a glare, "don't sass the hand that feeds missy" Randy rolled his eyes and she shook her head- black mane feathering beautifully over her dapple-gray coat. 

Randy smiled to himself- knowing the mare didn't understand and went on with his farm duties. Blake strolled in- hitting his bother on the shoulder and leaning against Apollos stall.

"Going to actually do work today?" Randy teased, and he frowned- but only for a moment.

"How's Ellie?" Blake asked- his tongue poking out of his lips.

Randy squinted his eyes at his twin- he only did that tongue thing when he was nervous, "Fine" Randy said, not taking my eyes off him, "why?"

"Sandy said something about him," Blake said- trying to make it sound casual but Randy doubted Sandy would casually bring up an issue Elliot was having- especially to Blake- he was very thick headed. 

"what'd she say?" Randy asked- turning back to his work of feeding the horses. 

"That he's having some body image issues"

Randy stopped and looked back at Blake- he was hollow chested and avoiding Randy’s eyes- he was clearly uncomfortable- but Randy guessed talking to your brother about his partner's very damaged body wasn't exactly a fun thing to do. 

"Really" Randy didn't mean for his voice to sound so pitiful- but the crack in his voice showed Blake that Elliot and him were still on a tightrope. 

"Yeah- she said that when she helps him with the physical therapist he gets really nervous- almost panicky when he has to take his clothes off for examinations and stuff" Blake said- trying to keep his face as blank as possible- but Randy could see the pity on his face when his eyes went wide. 

"I," Randy sighed and looked at his feet, "he didn't tell me"

"I mean you've got your own s**t" Blake shrugged. 

"My own s**t?"

"The drugs" Blake tensed and took a deep breath.

"There are no more drugs" Randy said, "I'm clean- dead sober for two months"

"Just checking", he said, and Randy tossed hay to the last horse.

"He's really having issues with his body?" Randy mumbled.

"Sandy seems to think so and I mean, when is a woman ever wrong?" Blake said, and Randy nodded- agreeing. 

"Should I talk to dad- I mean mom had issues when she was pregnant- would he know about it?" Randy asked his twin and his eyes stuck on Randy’s- he could see the healthy version of himself in Blake and in his eyes, Randy saw his own reflection - still with hollow cheeks but brighter eyes. 

"I think it might help- dad's good with everything really"

Randy nodded, "I can take over for you doing the chores if you want to go find him- think he's in the woodshop"

"Thanks," Randy said seriously, "for everything"

"Watching you degrade is like watching myself die- you and I will always be a team- we shared a womb after all" Blake smiled, "Go get em' cowboy"

Randy rolled his eyes but smiled back as rushed to the workshop. It was a small shack next to the main house- Randy’s father (Jack) built almost all the families furniture and that's where he did it. Randy knocked on the door- as he was taught as a child- and Jack grunted to say 'come in son' 

He sat on a chest working on staining a new vanity for Lizzy. Randy closed the door behind him and sat awkwardly on a stool in the room- across from his father's gaze. 

"Now I know you don't come to see me just because- what's up son?" Jack said- his voice rumbling through Randy.

"Elliot is self-conscious" Randy blurted out and Jack glanced up.

"In what way?" he wasn't fazed with talking about boys since Harrison had brought Carson home.

"Sandy says he’s uncomfortable- with his own body"

"Understandable- he's a lot different from when he left"

"I know- but like..."

"How do you make him feel like he's wanted?" Jack asked.

"Yeah..."

Jack chuckled and pushed the paint brush he was staining with down- he looked at his son and shook his head in amusement.

"Boy- you are hollow headed" he laughed, "you want to know how to make him feel better?"

Randy nodded his head quickly and Jack grinned, "your mother always liked candles- the house full of them. A bottle of wine and the Beatles"

"Elliot can't drink and me with wine is a bad idea" Randy said. 

"I think your mother has a bottle of the Gregson’s sparkling apple cider- ask her for the bottle, other than that all I'll do is tell the family to stay away tonight"

Randy blushed and nodded standing up quickly, he looked at Jack and Jack smiled, "he's a good man son- just remind him that you waited half a year- heart intertwine for a reason- he's here for a reason- you love him for a reason- god has a plan for the both of you- it will all come in time"

"Thank you, dad- really-"

"Go now- I take it Blake will be finishing the chores" he grinned and went back to his work.

Randy wanted to hug him, but he was busy again, so Randy just nodded in respect and walked to the house- Lizzy was sat on the couch going over school papers and Marlo was sat in a rocking chair knitting.

"Oh, there you are Randy- do you think this is big enough for Elliot's head?" Marlo held up a knit cap she was working on and Randy smiled.

"I think it's just perfect"

"Good- it gets cold here in the winter- he'll need it"

"He'll love it" Randy said, "dad said you might have some of the Gregson’s cider- can I have it for dinner with Elliot?"

Marlo gave her son a knowing look and nodded, "it should be in the cabinet above the stove- you guys doing something big tonight" she asked. 

"Just date night" Randy lied, and she bit her tongue not pressing it, "thank you" Randy nodded.

--

Elliot was getting dressed after a shower in their room and Randy was nervously lighting way too many candles. The Fray (Elliot’s favorite band) was playing over on Randy’s phone and he was pouring two wine glasses of the cooled cider. Randy’s hands were shaking as he waited for Elliot to walk -yes walk- out into the living room.

"I am so ready for a night in" Elliot spoke walking in and Randy stood cheekily with the glasses in his hands and in his only proper dress shirt, "why are you wearing a Canadian tux and have wine? neither of us drink" Elliot looked around, "hold up- what's going on- did I forget an anniversary of something!" Elliot started to panic. 

"I'm not sure what a Canadian tux is but this is cider and you aren't forgetting something" Randy breathed out. 

Elliot shifted his weight to he wasn't putting very much of his body on his prosthetic. Randy handed him a glass and reached for his hand, " just figured we needed a night for us"

Elliot smiled softly, and Randy lead him to the couch sitting down and swinging his legs over his. Randy sagged back into the cushions and sighed loudly, "my back hurts"

"Is work tough right now?" Elliot sipped the cider and nodded at the taste.

"Just normal- I'm still a stick though so it's harder than when I had all my muscles"

"You aren't a stick" he frowned "you didn't tell me you still think like that"

"Neither did you" Randy caught his gaze and Elliot frowned- looking down. Randy reached over and set both glasses on the coffee table. Randy got off the couch and on his knees in front of Elliot. His glossy eyes didn't look at Randy as Randy took his hands in his own.

"Elliot" Randy whispered, and Elliot glanced at him, "you've got to tell me when things like this happen- we are here to help each other- I need to be in the loop"

"Randy when I left I was this guy with clear skin and two legs- now I flinch when I see my reflection and need help showering- I just feel like half the man"

Randy kissed his thumbs and rested his head on Elliot’s knees, "I love you just how you are"

"Gross"

"No" Randy looked at him and reached for the hem of his shirt. Randy curled his fingers under it and grasped his hip bones, "never" 

Elliot looked at Randy- a sadness so clear in his dark eyes. Randy stood up- taking Elliot’s shirt with him. Elliot’s arms flailed, and he pushed his shirt down.

"Trust me" Randy kissed the shell of Elliot’s ear, "please" he gave in and Randy pulled his shirt off his body. Randy moved and straddled Elliot’s hips- letting his arms fall into the bends on his neck.

"Never anything but beautiful- ever" Randy said.

He didn't speak- just locked his eyes with Elliot’s- searching for any hint Randy was lying. When Elliot didn't find anything but love his eyes lit up a little and Randy smiled. Randy dove in for a kiss and felt sparks cover his body when their lips met. His hands shaking with nervousness- met Randy’s waist and Randy wrapped his arms around Elliot’s neck. They were chest to chest on their couch. 

Randy pulled away just slightly, "never anything but beautiful to me"

"Thank you" Elliot said- reaching up and stroking his cheek, "so much"

"I may still have stick arms- but I'll hold you Elliot- any time you need me to"

He nodded- tears welling in his eyes and he kissed Randy again. Randy felt his tear between them but said nothing of it. He needed to cry- he needed to free himself of these feelings. Randy would be there for every tear along the way.