Mad Dog

Chapter 8 - Let's Move

There's nothing like the silence of a dream. The endless echo of nothingness calling you into its slumber. As you fall it strips you of yourself laying you bare before all. As I drift down into that endless abyss I see things someone should never see. It claws at me tears at my skin telling me to let it in. To remember. The pixelated fragments of another life I desperately run from. To dream is a wonder. And a nightmare. I wake a piercing thrum knocking in my head as a reminder of all I experienced yesterday. My hands twitch as I try to get my bearings and realize I'd somehow made it into a bed. I tried to think of how I'd gotten here but the last thing I'd remembered was the cool feel of the bowl on the back of my head as I'd passed out against it. Gingerly I rise looking around blearily for his parasitic presence but find he's no where to be found. It seemed he'd never came back last night . Glancing down I realize my clothes had changed. For the best the nightgown I'd be in was surely spoiled by my sickness yesterday. Whoever had put me to bed had made sure I was clean and I couldn't help feeling a little grateful for that.

I lay back on the pillows and wonder if I should just leave this place. Climb out the window into the woods where I'd never be seen again. But I knew that'd never satisfy me. I could never let this man live in peace. His life was mine. To do with as I pleased. He'd regret the day he gave it to me. I roll over and realise by the way the light gleamed along the floor and into my pounding head that it must be midday. How strange I hadn't been called yet. To be riding this late is torture for a knight. My husband hated staying longer than early morning. Sitting up again, I debate about getting dressed. To be so close to him was vile but to stay in this room another minute seemed worse.

I swing my legs over the side, seeing that someone had also cleaned up the vomit on the floor I stretch my feet out willing myself to get up and call for an attendant when I hear the rattle of the door. I tense, wondering if it was him. Coming to drag me back into that prison. My heart hammered in my chest making my headache stand out more. But instead of him a small thin girl came in. She startled, as if surprised to see me up, then gathered her composure and dropped into a hasty curtsy.

"Pardon me m'lady, I should have knocked but I was told you were still sleepin'." She said nervously. When I didn't answer, she carried on her anxiety, showing as she pulled at her dress. "I've been told you need to be ready to ride out. Would you like some breakfast first." I just stared at her. The thought of food made me want to hurl all over again but I also wanted to drag out being away from him as much as possible. She waited a minute then, taking that as her cue, she began bustling about the room, clearing the mess I'd made on the, repacking my things neatly while I sat there and watched. Finally, with the room in order, she turns back to me. "Is there a particular one you'd like?" She asked, gesturing to the dresses that had previously been spilled onto the floor in my haste to the bathroom last night. Her question gave me pause. Dresses were like armour. A way to get one's mind across in the most simple and fastest way. As I gazed at the dresses laid at my feet, I knew which I'd don today. The only one that fit the mood of this journey. I point "That one."

"Are you sure, miss?" She had a right to question it. With its deep purples and dark blacks, it was more for a funeral. As I stared at the lace and taffeta, I almost laughed. What a perfect statement. The girl didn't know it, but she was dressing me for my demise. Strapping me in, I stare as I slowly transform from a creature of madness to one haunted. My hair combed into a fine braid and my face cleaned of sleep. I touch the cold glass and wonder what I'd looked like before. I couldn't remember. The me before was long dead and the corpse of her had taken her place. Finally, I was ready. I pull the veil down, needing some kind of barrier for what was yet to come. However, as I climb the stairs to the carriage that had previously held us, no hand came to hold mine steady. It seemed my husband hadn't made it yet. I sit and feel myself relax even though I know I'd only have a moment before that man broke what little peace I had. I wanted to close my eyes and drink in the emptiness, but the thought of what lay in the dark kept them wide open. Suddenly, I feel a lurch that signalled we were moving. Confused, I pull the window down. "You." I bark at the nearest knight. He turned his head in my direction bewildered at my demanding tone, "where are we going?" He kept a wide berth as he answered "to the castle. For the hunt."Obviously," I said frustrated at his simple answer, "but what of my husband? Has he decided to abandon his wife now that he's realised how inconvenient I am for travel?" had he left for the hunt without me. I didn't understand why I asked. Or why I was angry at the thought of it. I didn't want him with me, but to think he'd leave me when he insisted I come along left a sour taste in my mouth. "No. Of course not malady. He's up ahead with the men. He said sitting left him restless and wanted time with the men." I push the window closed again. He hadn't abandoned me. Everything would still come to pass. I don't know why but it gave me comfort. It must be because I still had a chance. The next time in my presence will hopefully be his last I smile as I close my eyes. Drifting in and out of sleep before finally slipping soundly into unconsciousness.