Mad Dog

Chapter 2 - Wasting Away

I awaken to a bright light, much too bright. I needed it to sink into the earth where it belonged. I cover my face and turn over, wanting nothing more than to sleep again and never wake up. Blissful silence fills the air. It's almost deafening clouding my ears with the nothingness I crave. Too soon, I hear the opening of the door.

"Good morning, miss. It's time to get up. Madam has requested you for the tea party this afternoon."

I don't bother to move.

Why should I?

What did it matter?

Tea parties. Banquets.

Damn them all, I wanted none of it.

To sit there as I used to. Faking everything.

How tiring.

Everything was so tiring.

I close my eyes, praying for sleep again, only to suddenly feel the covers yanked off. I lay there dazed for a second, then feel the fire in me from past night boil and overflow. Without uttering a word, I jump out of bed, and before she could see what was happening, I had her on the floor with my hands around her throat. It was funny watching her struggle beneath me. Knowing how powerful she had just felt.

"Does it hurt?" I cackle my eyes taking on a crazed look. "Do you feel your mortality in my hands?" I grip her harder. She claws desperately at my hands but it only made my grip stronger. It felt good. An elation I'd longed for "I wonder if I kept you like this, how long it'd take you to die? You seem pretty weak. Three maybe four minutes. Shall we test it?"

I laughed again, not caring that her face was turning blue. For a moment I didn't know if I would stop. The thought of taking her last breath sent shivers down my spine, but I forced my fingers to unclench. Leaning low I almost growl it in her ear. "Take the covers off me again, and we shall find out."

I let go of her, then headed back to the bed, not bothering to check if she was still alive. Pulling the covers over my head, I barely see her quivering frame rushing out the door. I'll never forgive any of them. I won't act as their caged dog anymore. I'll become a mad dog till I'm put down. I smile and close my eyes, listening again to the nothingness that this room seemed to have. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

It wasn't so bad this time. I dreamt I was having tea with my father. The tantalizing scent of orchids and lavender filled the air. He looks like he did before that day. His hands seemed almost too big for the teacup. Eyes lost in thought while reading the paper. He looked so dashing back then. He looks up and smiles at me, and I try to smile back, but I can't. I know this is all a dream, so I savor what I can from it. I bring the cup to my lips and take my last sip with my father

To soon, I feel myself shaken awake hard. My eyes flash open to see Rohans mother. Without blinking, I slapped her with every bit of strength I had, leaving a cut and welt on her face. Stunned, she staggered back, clutching her cheek. How dare she pull me from him. I calmly watch. Like the dog I am waiting to strike.

"How dare you!" She shrieks.

As if that was my queue I pounce on her like a wild animal wrestling her to the floor biting and evading her blows. On the way down I pin her beneath me and hit her hard in the mouth before slamming her head into the floor. Once. Twice. The satisfying crack of it spurring me on. The blood igniting an animalistic urge.

"Good morning, Madam." I say eyes wide and feral. I pull her up by her hair till her face is close to mine. "It seems you wanted to pay me a visit."

I slap her again and again till she's sobbing and trembling from fear. Staring down at her quivering frame I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Running my bloody fingers through my hair I had to wonder if had gone mad.

"Let's make a deal, Madam." I glance down at her and see her flinch away. "From here on out, you don't step a foot in this room. I'm no longer your pet."

She whimpered at me. Whether from the beating she just took or crazed look in my eyes I'll never know. But I loved it. The power it brought. I get up and begin to drag her out by her hair. She stumbles up to walk as a way to keep me from ripping her hair out but failing. As my hand is soon filled with strands I drag her on silently hoping every piece of it falls out. Flinging the door open I throw her into the hall for all to see.

"From this day forth, anyone who comes into my chambers will feel my wrath." I turn my eyes back to her sobbing mass. "Make this the last time I see you." I tell her through my teeth.

They all stare. The Madame a bloody mess before them and me with her blood on my hands. No one dared move. I leave her there to crumple on the floor. The servants run to help her as I slam the door shut on their panicked cries. Not wanting to sleep any longer, I sit at the window, the one comfort I had in this room. I was put in the back of the house, an insult to some, but a comfort to me. I enjoyed the fact that the only thing I could see from here was the garden that no one entered except to tend. It was too small and plain to be used for any parties, so it sat empty day after day. I enjoyed it. Not having to look upon another human being was a small reprieve from the hours I'd been forced to endure. I sat there for what must have been hours. One moment, it was daylight, and the next, it was dark. It went unnoticed by me. I could care less if I spent the rest of my days in this chair staring at that fruitless garden. Finally feeling drowsy, I slept.

Again, my night was met with dreams. I dreamt it was my 16th birthday. Everyone was there. I smile at them all, wanting to rush and hug them but knowing it was a dream I held back. I wanted to stay as long as possible. I couldn't stand the thought of waking. Of losing them again. Suddenly everything goes quiet. All waiting as my brother Van reaches forward, presenting me a gift and I know at a glance I don't want to open it. I look up at Van, pleading him not to make me, but he just stares with a blank stare and a smile fixed on his face. Like a puppet at a play. I feel chilled. As if the air was being sucked out of the room. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stop. Whatever nightly being that controlled my dreams had me now. It lifted the lid of the box forcing me to look within.

Inside lay a bloody beating heart with a necklace wrapped around it as if chained. My necklace, chaining it, strangling it in its golden purity. Horrified, I want to fling it away, but I can't will my body do it. Instead I reach into the bloody heart rip out the necklace and put it on.

I shot up straight in bed, clutching my chest gasping for air, but I can't. There isn't any. Black spots form in my eyes until I finally let go and succumb to the feeling. Maybe this is it. Maybe it'll finally be an end to this guilt. Instead, it seems to ease the pressure, and I begin to breathe easier. I lay back in the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Thoughts of days to come circle in my head. I wonder how long till he comes for me. Was that enough, or will I have to go further? How much more do I have to do till I can get what I want? I roll over and drift back to sleep. Surely, tomorrow, he'd finally end it.