The sad story of the babysitter

Chapter nineteen - You have to believe me

Ryder's POV:

Lily understood everything and now she is mad at me. I tried to explain to her, but she refused to listen to me. I don't know what to do to make her believe me. Lily doesn't want to see me, so why should I expect her to talk with me. I hurt her a lot and I said that I won't do it. I fall for her and now she is gone. Already two days passed, but they feel like two weeks. I don't know what to do to make her believe me. I happily will kiss her, but this only will make things worse. 

It's the weekend so I can't talk with Lily. I mean I have only her phone number and nothing else. I don't even know where she lives. That's why I decide to go out. I walked around one park when I saw Lily. If that's not luck, I don't know what it is. I walked to the bench on which she was sitting and sat next to her. 

- Hey, how are you?

In the moment she saw me, she got up, but I grabbed her hand and made her sit down. 

- I know that you are mad at me and I understand that, but will you at least listen to me? After that, you can be mad again. 

- Even if I listen to you, that won't change anything. 

- Please give me a chance to explain everything. 

- You have five minutes. After that, I'm going home. 

- Thank you. When I tried to get close to you, to know you better, you refused to look at me. That's why I decide that if I try to be a good boy, you might talk with me. Yes, I wanted to get you, but I never realize how sad and hurt you were. With my pretending, I understood many things about you and that's what changed me. I felt sorry for you. In that moment, I said that I won't dump you and that I will be by your side. I'm really sorry that you had to understand this way, but you have to believe me. I really want to be with you and I won't hurt you anymore. 

With that, I saw tears in her eyes. I tried to hug her, but she didn't let me. I lifted her chin, but Lily refused to look at me. I won't lie that I miss her. I miss her like hell, but I can't do anything about it. I messed up and now I have to take the consequences of that. 

- I miss you, Lily. Mia and Lea too. 

- And I miss them too, but I don't want to be around you. 

- Don't do it for me, do it for them. At least go back to work. If you want I won't stay at home when you are there, but please think about it. 

- Right now I want to be alone. - she said and left

I guess that it won't be easy. Maybe I should give her more time. In moments like that, I wish that I could disappear. I had only one thing, which was important for me and I lost it. I should've gotten what I want and left before I fall for her. Now it's too late. Even if I do this, it won't be the same. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I love Lily, but my stupidity ruined everything. I can't change anything. 

The boys called me and soon we were at one diner. They were talking about something, but I didn't listen for what. In my head is only Lily. Damn it! Why does this girl have to change me?

- Ryder, are you ok? It looks like you are here, but your head and mind are somewhere else. - Alex said

- He is on the planet called Lily. Am I right? - Mason asked

- Unfortunately, yes you are. I can't get her out of my head. 

- She is just a girl. Why do you care so much is she mad at you or not? - Alex asked

- Lily quit her job. 

- What? - both of them said in sync

- She did it. Now, mom has to search for a new babysitter. I don't know what she has told my mom, but I am sure that it's because of me. Mia and Lea really liked her. 

- Maybe staying away from each other for a while won't hurt anyone. You need to give her some time. - Mason said

- I know. I met her today at one park. I explained everything, but she didn't say anything. Only that she wants to be alone. 

- How could you fall for her? Of all the girls which are in our school, you had to choose her. - Alex said

- It's not my fault. I didn't mean to do it.

- I don't see anything wrong with that. Yes, Lily might be different, but she is not that bad. - Mason said

- Did all of you forget that she tried to drown herself? Nobody is saved. - Alex said

- Ok, that's it. I won't sit here and listen to how you talk bad about her. If nobody was saved, my mom wasn't going to leave her at home with my two little sisters. Moreover, Lily did a great job. Mia and Lea liked her a lot and she was the only one who actually was taking care of them. The fact that she is gone is my fault. 

- You like her a lot, don't you? - Mason asked me

- It doesn't matter. I am just saying facts. 

- If you let me, I will give you advice. Leave her alone for now and after some time, go and talk with her. If you really like Lily, go and fight for her. Don't let her go just like that. I see that she means something to you, no matter that at the beginning she was the last person who you would date. Just give her some time to process what has happened. I'm sure that soon or not she will talk to you. Try to understand her. If you were at her place, I am sure that you would feel the same way. 

- Maybe you are right. I have to wait. I hope that soon we can make up the things. 

- I am sure that this will happen, but you have to be patient. 

- Will you really give all your achievements to one girl? - Alex said

- What achievements? I don't have anything. 

- I understand. Good luck with the good boy. I am out. - Alex said and left

Lately, Alex acts weird. I feel like since I started going out with Lily, we became distant. I mean he is the only one who doesn't like her. At least Mason is ok with that. I don't want to lose my friends, because of a girl. I hope that I don't have to choose between Lily and them. 

- What is going on with him? - I asked

- I think that he is kind of jealous because lately, all you talk about is Lily. - Mason said

- I don't see a problem. 

- Tell me if I am wrong, but I feel like he is worried. Lily likes the good boy and we know that for her, you will do everything. Alex is worried that the bad boy will disappear and his popularity too. Don't forget that we are popular, because of you. 

- I know that, but some people change. Just like what I did. If Lily could believe me. 

- Relax, soon everything will be ok. 

- I hope so. I really want her to forgive me.

We talked for a while and then I went home. When I walked in, I saw my parents in the living room with Mia and Lea. All of them were watching a movie. I was about to go into my room, but my mom stopped me. Let's see what she wants this time. I didn't do anything. 

- We need to talk with you. Come and sit down. 

- What's up? I didn't do anything. 

- Yeah, totally. Where is Lily? - mom asked

- I... I don't know.

- That's what I mean. Until I find a new babysitter, you will watch your sisters. I don't care do you have plans or not. 

-  Whatever. I'm not in the mood to go out anyways. 

With that, I went into my room. Later mom called me for dinner, but I refused to eat. I am not hungry. I feel like I don't want to do anything anymore. I was laying on my bed when in my mind came Lily. All the things that happened between us and all the things that I did to her. She will never forgive me. In her place, I wouldn't forgive myself either. I meant every kiss, which I gave her, but she doesn't believe me. There is nothing, which I can do, except to wait and see what will happen. 

I pulled out my phone and decide to send her a message.

Hey Lily, it's me. I hope that you will read the message and not delete it. I don't want you to give me a reply, but just to read it. I messed up badly and I am very sorry for that. I shouldn't play with you. After all the things that I did to you, I don't expect you to talk with me, but I want you to know one thing. Probably you won't believe me, but I still will say it. I meant every kiss, which I gave you. In the beginning, I was pretending, but not then. I kissed you because I wanted to. By that time, I already had fallen for you. I know that it sounds weird, but it's true. Even the bad boys can love if they want to. I know that you won't talk with me or forgive me and I completely understand you. I am writing you all of that just to let you know that I am really sorry for everything that I have done for you. I miss you and Mia and Lea too. I hope that soon everything will get back to normal. Goodbye Lily. 

I read it and send it. I hope that she will read it. Probably she won't answer me, but this is my last chance to talk with her. How I see the things she won't talk with me anytime soon. It's all my fault. If I didn't mess with her, maybe it wasn't going to hurt that much. 

Soon I heard a knock on my door. It was my mom. She walked in and sat on the bed. 

- Ryder, are you ok? You didn't come for dinner and I get worried.

- I'm fine. 

- Are you sure? I think that you are sad, because of Lily. Am I right?

- Does it matter?

- Maybe. Before I haven't seen you like that. I mean that no matter how many girls you have dumped, you have never cared about them. 

- Yeah, but Lily is not like them. All the things which had happened to her, made me realize that I don't want to hurt her. I wanted to be there for her. She tried to drown herself because she had no one. I don't want her to do something like that again. 

- I think that you have to find a way to tell her how you feel. She won't talk with you, so you have to do something else. 

- Like what? I send her a message, but I don't expect her to respond. I only hope that she will read it. 

- Give her some time. Look, I know that you are sad, but this doesn't mean that you have to stop eating or all the things, which you were doing. 

- I know, but I feel like I don't want to do anything. There is no point.

- Don't talk like that. I have never imagined that you can like a girl, but if she really means something to you, fight for her. 

- Mason said the same. 

- And he is right. I see how much you like her. The fact that you were staying at home with her and your sisters instead to go out with your friends, it's a big change for you. 

- Thanks, mom. Can you leave me alone now?

- Sure. I will be in my room if you need anything. - she kissed the top of my head and left

I need to make up the things. For some reason, all of this is getting me in a way, that I thought it's impossible. I always have made mistakes and gotten in trouble, but this time I am regretting all the things, which I did to Lily. She didn't deserve it. Maybe it will be better if we stay apart from each other. I don't want to hurt her more. I love her, but I don't think that she loves me.