The sad story of the babysitter

Chapter twelve - Rumors

Lily's POV:

In that moment, they came home. Was I really going to give in? Ryder is the heartbreaker, the player and I am the innocent, anti-social girl. I know that he has changed, but I still can't trust him completely. I am afraid that after he gets what he wants, he will leave and this is something, which I don't want to happen. As I have said before I think that I am falling for the good boy. I mean that he is nice to me and actually cares about me. 

I woke up and get dressed. I made my bed and went into the bathroom. When I was done, I walked downstairs for breakfast. Mom and dad were already at the table. I sat down and she looked at me. 

- Why are you looking at me like that?

- Is this how you will go to school? - mom asked

- Yeah, why? What's wrong with my clothes?

- Nothing. They are a little bit sporty. You don't have PE today. 

- Do I need to have PE to wear comfy clothes?

- Well, since you asked. You could wear clothes that are more elegant. 

- Mom, I am a teenager. I don't need to dress elegantly. Moreover, I don't want to attract attention. 

I don't see anything wrong with my clothes. I had a hoodie with jeans and sneakers. To be honest I am not offended by her comment. It's not the first time when she tells me this. I want to be comfy, not to look good. As I said I don't want to attract attention. I am good. I won't lie that I prefer to be invisible. 

- I won't eat anymore. I will go to school. 

With that, I left. I decide to walk up to school. Walking helps me think better. In my mind appeared Lizzy. Mom used to make the same comment on her while she was still alive. Everything that they were doing and telling her, now they do to me. I am trying to don't pay much attention to that. 

When I walked into school, I saw a couple of people looking at me. I ignored them and walked to my locker. I saw other people looking at me as well. Do I really look that bad? I like my clothes. I closed my locker and saw Ryder standing in front of me. 

- Hey, how are you today?

- Do I really look that bad?

- No, you look good. Why are you asking?

- Because since I came here people don't stop looking at me. 

- Ignore them. They don't have what to do. 

- I will try. Thanks. 

- I came to say sorry about the last time when you came home. 

- It's ok, but it'll be better if we don't talk about this. Wait, did you tell anyone about that?

- Only Mason and Alex. Why?

- Did they tell this to someone else?

- No, I don't think so. Why are you asking?

- I thought that someone might have understood about it and that's why everybody is looking at me. 

- I don't think that it's because of that. 

- Then why? Not like I mind, but I feel uncomfortable. 

- Just ignore them, ok?

- Yes. I have to go now. I don't want to be late. 

- My classroom is next to yours, so I will walk you. 

Both of us walked for our next classes. I have History. I hope that I won't fall asleep. I couldn't sleep much last night and I am very tired. Mister Crumbly is not a bad teacher. Actually, he is from the few that I like. 

My class finished and I walked out. I swear everyone is looking at me. I don't think that it's because of my clothes. I have dressed like that before, but nobody was noticing me. Then maybe I have done something. I don't remember. People were talking and giving me looks. I was about to leave and go somewhere, where I can be alone, but someone grabbed my hand. It was Ryder.

- I told you to ignore them. 

- I am trying, but it's hard. I don't know what I have done. 

- You didn't do anything. Now let's go to our next class. Don't forget that I am with you. 

- I know and thanks for that. 

Soon it was my lunch break. I was going to skip it, but somehow Ryder convinced me to go with him and his friends. We waited for Mason and Alex. When they came all of us went to eat lunch. As I walked into the cafeteria, all the looks were on me again. What is wrong with me? Can't they stop looking at me? The boys took their lunch and we sat at one table. 

- Not like I am complaining, but why everyone is looking at us? - Mason asked

- They are looking at me. 

- But why?

- I don't know. It's been like that since I came here. The whole day I am receiving looks. 

- Where is Ryder? He was here a minute ago. - Alex said

- I am here. - Ryder said and put a plate in front of me

- What is that?

- Just because people are looking at you, doesn't mean that you won't eat. 

- Thanks, but I am not very hungry. 

- Thanks, but I don't care. Eat now. 

I didn't say anything else and started eating. Otherwise, he wasn't going to leave me in peace. There were people who kept looking at me. I can't wait to go home. Maybe before that, I can go and talk with Lizzy. 

After school, I said goodbye to the boys and left. I went to the wooden bridge and sat down. I called Lizzy and soon I felt the breeze. She is the only one with who I feel comfortable talking about everything. I know that even not here, she still cares about me. That's why I love her so much. 

- Hey Lizzy. I haven't come here in a while. Today was an interesting day. The whole day people in school were looking at me. I thought that it might be because of my clothes, but it wasn't. I have dressed like that before and they were barely noticing me. I don't know what is going on. Not like I care that much, but you know that I don't like when the attention falls on me. 

I felt the breeze again and followed it to the shore. I read what she has written. 

Just ignore them. 

- Ryder said the same. 

I saw how the water from the river washed the words and soon appeared new ones. 

Ooh, who is Ryder? Does my little sister have a boyfriend?

- No, I don't. I already have told you about him. Remember I told you that I met him when I was babysitting his sisters. Now he is different. I mean that he is nice and shows some type of care. I found it nice, but...

But what? You can tell me. 

- I am not sure is he really doing it or it's just pretending to make me trust him. I don't want to get dumped. 

I think that actually, you don't want to fall for him. 

- You are telling me this too late. I think that I already have fallen for the good guy. I only hope that he is real. 

And why do you think that there is a chance that he isn't?

- Because people don't change just like that. I am afraid that all of this is a lie and that when he gets what he wants, Ryder will dump me. Something that he always does. 

You need to be more positive. No matter what is the truth behind all of this, enjoy it while you can. From mom and dad, you won't receive it. 

- I know. They don't care about me. 

That's why I am saying it. Try to keep him close as much as possible. One friend is better than zero. 

- Said the girl who had many friends. 

Listen to me. You won't be sorry. All I want is for you to be happy. 

- Thank you, Lizzy. Even there you support me more than my parents do. 

You can always count on me. 

- I know. Look, I will go now. I have a lot of work to do. Soon I will come back. I love you, Lizzy. 

I love you too, Lily. 

I felt the breeze one more time and left. I walked around the town for like an hour and then went home. When I finished with all my schoolwork, which was for tomorrow, I lay on my bed. I don't know why, but I feel weird. All that happened today is stuck in my head. I have no idea what is going on in school. Maybe someone has told something or how I said, probably I have done something. I'll try to not think about this. 

Later mom called me for dinner, but I said that I won't eat. I am not in the mood for food. At lunch, I ate only because of Ryder. After a couple of hours, I fall asleep. 

In the morning I woke up like usual. I got dressed and went straight to school. People say that breakfast is the most important meal for the day, but it's not for me. I skip breakfast very often. Maybe like 4-5 times a week. 

When I walked into school, there were looks on me again. I don't understand. Why am I getting so much attention? I don't like it. I preferred the time when I was invisible. I went to the bathroom. While I was at one of the cabins, I heard two girls talking. Now I understood why I got so much attention. 

- Did you heart it?

- Heard what? 

- About that nerd Lily. Her sister has killed herself. Some people say that Lily has mental issues. 

- Really? That explains why she is always alone. Poor girl. Will she kill herself too?

- Nobody will miss her. 

- That's true. I don't even know why she is still alive. 

- Don't be so cruel. Probably her parents wanted to have at least one kid alive. 

- Be careful. We don't know what she is capable of. 

- Shouldn't she be in a mental hospital? 

- Look how she dresses. Do you think that her parents have that much money?

- She is such a loser. 

With that, I broke down. Who told the whole school that? I haven't told anyone. Neither Ryder. Do people really think like that about me? Everybody thinks that I have problems. Now no one will talk with me. Not like they were doing it before, but from time to time I was receiving a simple hi. I don't know who said all of that, but I am sure that it's someone who I know. This person knows me and maybe my sister as well. The question is why now? If they wanted revenge or something like that, they could've said that a long time ago. 

I decide to get up and leave. The bell started ringing. I waited until everybody was in class to walk out of the bathroom. I don't want to stay in school anymore. I grabbed my thinks from my locker and was about to leave when someone grabbed my hand. It was Ryder. 

- Lily, are you ok? Why are you crying?

- Just leave me. I don't want to talk about it. 

- Do you want us to get out of here?

- No, you don't have to do anything. I will go. 

- But I want to come with you. Can I?

I just nodded my head. I don't want to argue with him right now. He pulled me close and gave me a hug. I felt how I broke down again. Ryder lifted my chin and carefully wiped my tears. I looked at him and tried to smile. 

Finally, we walked out of school. I have no idea where we are going. Wherever it is, it better be far from school. I can't take more of these looks and since I know the reason, this makes it worse. The whole time he was holding my hand. I didn't know that he will do something like this for me. I mean he has skipped classes a lot, but I never imagined that one day I will be the reason for which he will do it. 

Soon we arrived at one diner. When we walked in, it was empty. Ryder told me to sit at one table and he went to order something. After like ten minutes, he came back with two milkshakes. 

- I don't know what you like and that's why I took you a vanilla one. 

- It's ok, thanks. By the way, vanilla is my favorite. 

- Will you tell me what happened?

- I understood why people keep looking at me in school.

- But how? Did you ask someone?

- I was in the girl's bathroom when I heard two girls talking about me. They said bad things about me. What's really sad is that people think all of this about me. 

- Will you tell me what is it?

- No, it doesn't matter. 

- It does since it makes you upset. You know that you can trust me. 

- I know, but I really don't want to talk about this. 

Ryder didn't say anything and pulled me for a hug. I am glad to have him by my side. I hope that when he understands everything, he won't leave me. I don't want to lose him. 

I have no idea who spread all these rumors, but it wasn't nice. I don't think that I will go to school tomorrow, but probably my parents will force me to go. They don't care about such things and want me to do what they want. No one has asked me what I want. I don't matter to anyone. I don't see a point in my life. Maybe if I go to see my sister, everything will be better. I know that she won't like it, but I don't care. I don't feel the need to live anymore.