Shade Academy

Chapter 42

The next morning I woke up in a foul and depressed mood. Samuel, Alex, Axel and I would all be going back to the Academy today, leaving Ashe behind, and it was breaking my heart. How was I supposed to say goodbye to one of the men I loved? Even if it was only temporarily. I couldn't mentally or emotionally fathom not being by his side, not having him by mine, it was physically painful. My chest felt as if a two ton brick as placed on it, my heart felt heavy as lead inside my already aching chest. 

I knew my other three mates were coming back with me, and don't get me wrong I was overjoyed I still had them. But leaving even one of them, made me feel as if I was losing him, like maybe I would never see him again, and just the thought of that was too hard for me to bear. I shook my head aggressively trying desperately to push aside such painful thoughts. 

"Anna, are you alright?" Axel asked coming up and wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. I leaned my head back into his chest and closed my eyes, willing myself not to break down at his question. "No. No Axel I'm not." I admitted in a broken whisper. "Talk to me Anna." Axel responded softly. "Axel, I feel like I'm losing him by leaving him here. I know I'm not, I mean logically I know." I tried defending myself. "But here." I said pointing to my chest where my heart is. "Feels so heavy that it could drop to the floor at any minute. My chest feels so tight and so heavy it's hard to breathe. And something inside me, is trying to make me believe that I'll never see him again, even if I know it's not true." 

I closed my eyes again and tried to steady my erratic breathing. Axel tightened his hold on me but didn't say anything. His presence alone was saying enough. We stood there in silence for I don't even know how long before the others walked  in. "Is everything alright?" Ashe asked concerned. I took a deep quiet breath, before plastering on a big grin and turning to them. "Ya, we're fine." I tried to assure them. "Axel and I were just enjoying the scenery." I said, motioning to the large floor to ceiling window in front of us. 

They all gave me a look that told me I wasn't convincing them. "You remember we can feel your emotions, right?" Ashe questioned. s**t! How could I forget something like that? I thought, mentally slapping myself. "Fine." I sighed pulling away from Axel and walking closer to the window. I wrapped my arms around myself, still not facing any of them. "I'm scared, worried, depressed, nervous. I am so many things rolled into one right now I'm surprised I can tell up from down." I admitted. I felt bad for admitting it, I felt selfish. Ashe deserved for me to be strong, to be able to handle this with my head held high, but it was so very hard. 

"I'm sorry Ashe." I whispered. "I tried. I told myself that I would be strong, if for no other reason than your sake and I tired." I turned and faced him, unable to stop the few tears that managed to get lose. "But, it's hard. It's so hard. To not be near you, to not be able to be with you, to see you, to wake up to you everyday." I stopped and shook my head sadly before turning back to the window. "I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you." The words came out so low, I wondered if they were even audible. But of course he heard. 

I heard as Ashe walked across the room to me and turned me towards him. Looking up into those eyes I loved so much made my heart clench. Ashe wiped a tear off my cheek and smiled at me. His eyes held so much love and adoration, I couldn't hold back anymore. I flung myself into his arms and let the tears go. I told him everything through my tears. Ashe just held me while I spilled all my fears and worries to him, reassuring me whenever he felt I needed it. 

Finally after what felt like hours, but in reality was only minutes I pulled away and looked him in the eye. "I'm going to miss you so much." My voice broke and cracked over the words. I could see in his eyes how much he was trying to be strong, to be the pillar of strength here, but the emotions he was feeding me was telling me he wasn't winning the battle anymore than I was. "My sweet Anna." He whispered caressing my cheek. "Words can not begin to describe how much I am going to miss you. Your smile, your laugh, your joy. But we are not saying goodbye my love." He assured me. "We will see each other very soon. You are queen of the fae now, the power resides within you, the headmistress can not tell you that you're not permitted to come here, so you can come whenever you wish." 

I perked up at this, I had originally thought I would only be allowed to come on weekends and holidays. Now I knew I could come whenever I wanted and no one could stop me. "Really?" I asked, seeking assurance. Ashe smiled. "Yes love, really." I beamed and my chest felt lighter than it had all day. "That's great to hear." I said, my voice much stronger and sure than it was. "Now come love, it's time for all of you to be getting back." And just like that, a pit in my stomach opened and the weight was back in my chest. 

I slowly and hesitantly followed Ashe, flanked by my other mates to say goodbye to Flora. I gave her a gentle hug and she kissed my cheek. "Fret not child. Ashe is in good hands, he will be fine." She assured me. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Then an idea hit me. "Ashe, can this wait a few more minutes?" I asked. He looked at me curiously before nodding, to which I told them I would be back. 

I raced out the door and to where all the fairies normally liked to flutter around. "Guys!" I yelled running up to them. They all stopped and turned to me. "We thought you'd be on your way by now queen." One said. I wondered if they had names or if they were all just fairy? Shaking my head of unrelated thoughts I smiled "I am, I just have a favor to ask." I said breathlessly from running. "No need for favors, you are our queen." She said. "Please, keep an eye on Ashe while I'm away. Help keep him safe." It sounded more like a desperate plea than a request. To my relief they agreed, and I made my way back to the others in higher spirits.

But when the time came and I was the only one left to step through the portal, I hesitated. I looked back and saw Ashe through a haze of tears. His blue eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he watched me, his beautiful face crumpled into a heart breaking expression. A sob escaped me as I rushed back to him and threw myself at him. We held each other tightly, neither one of us wanting to let the other go. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I promised him as I looked into his blue eyes and wiped a tear off his cheek. "And as soon as the Academy is safe, I'll come home for good." Ashe smiled. "I like hearing you call my home your home." He still looked sad. We both knew this would be hard, we just didn't realize how hard it truly would be. 

With a renewed strength I took a deep breath and stepped through the portal. When I turned back to look the portal was gone, and I was standing in my room at the Academy facing a wall. A deep sadness washed over me as Ashe's missing presence registered. His missing energy, made it feel as if something within myself was missing, even my magic felt weaker, still strong, but weaker than when Ashe was near. That's when I realized the depth of our bond. We fuel each other, strengthen each other. Where we have weakness, the other has strength. And as I looked around at three of my guys I found myself smiling, because even though Ashe was not here right now, they were and I knew Ashe was safe and I would see him again soon.