Takip Silip

v. Pumapanglima

Mas maaga na kaysa sa kanya si Elli sa coffee shop na pinagtatrabahuhan niya. Madalas na itong bumisita simula nung gabing ‘yun. Lagi itong dala ang kanyang pulang laptop at mga libro. She’s here writing peacefully. Maybe Elli felt a sense of comfort after opening up? That’s what Aurora guessed. Hindi naman siya nagagambala nito.At the same time, they are in the same hole, same phase. They belong in one place where they both understand each other. The deep talks of Artists and existential crisis. Elli visiting her gave her an ease while working and entertainment kapag walang ginagawa. Sa katagalan, nasanay na rin siya sa presensya niya. 

"Ang cute naman ng outfit mo." bungad ni Elli sa kanya. It’s her break time. She’s wearing her usual black apron and white waitress uniform. Natawa si Aurora and gave her a frappe she self made. Tinanggal ni Elli ang salamin niya and drink what she offered, "Tenkies."

"Gawa ko 'yan. Customized. Masarap?" she asked and sit in front of her. 

"Wow! Talaga?" bubbly one, "para sa akin lang? Baka naman ang dami mo ginagawan ng ganito.  Na-feel ko pang special ako." they both laughed. Kumibit balikat si Aurora kaya pabirong sumimangot si Elli,"Ayoko na nga inumin," pero ininom pa rin ang binigay niya. They can finally get each other's jokes. Aurora got a friend she didn't expect she’d have.

To show her appreciation, she tried to make her a coffee that will fit her taste. Napansin niya na mahilig ito sa creamy coffee pero lasa pa rin ang matapang na kape. Kuya Jay, his co-worker, was kind to help her. She hope she liked it pero hindi niya tinanong kung nagustuhan ba niya ito. Nervous? Pressured? It’s her first time making one.

Every single day, may bagong kwentong dala ang kasama. Mahilig magkwento si Elli tungkol sa sarili nito at sa lahat ng bagay. Marami siyang nalaman. Elli is a walking series of stories and Aurora enjoyed every chapter on it. 

"So, I'm writing a new story." excited na banggit ni Elli. Ibinalik nito ang kanyang salamin sa mata. Inayos nito ang mga nakakalat na libro sa lamesa. Ginilid para hindi mabasa.

"About?" Aurora, as always, interested.

"Hmm, Romance?" she answered. Oh. A love story!  But Aurora is not a fan. Pumalumbaba si Elli at tumingin sa malayo, "Cliche nga e. Pero alam mo 'yun? Slightly romance. Not about the goofy and sweet things. I want my readers to know 'yung struggle being comfortable with someone. It is not all about butterflies and peace. I want them to know how chaotic it is. To open yourself to someone. A chick lit, maybe." and again, Aurora is interested. 

“Ano ‘yan? K’wento mo ba ‘yan?” she chucked. Umiling si Elli, nakangiti rin. She looked to the sweet couples behind Aurora. Nagsusubuan pa ito at nagtatawanan. Elli smiled that Aurora didn't understand what it means. Bitterness? No. But she knows it's not a smile of happiness, "Nakakatuwa makita 'yung mga couples. But I never saw myself being comfortable like that with someone else. Ang saya isipin pero," umiling niya, "nakakatakot?"

"Saan ka natatakot?" natawa si Aurora. Wait, do not tell that Elli is scared of commitment? She mean, Elli? Kasabayan niya sa mga bar, kasayawan kung sino-sino? The great Elli!

"Ewan ko." she goes back to her laptop screen, "I'm scared of many things. Kaya nga stuck ako rito, writing things I haven't felt, want to feel." Aurora listened, and didn't know what to say. She’s not really a talkative person. Good thing, Elli’s not asking for her to speak. She get it. She’s expressing herself in her own book. An escapades, "Kaagapay ng sakit si Pagmamahal. It's nice to feel loved by someone but 'yung tendency? Daming possibilities. It could either fix me or break me. And I don’t think I could handle that if that happened to me. You can say I’m scared of emotional attachment."

Aurora sips on the frappe. Aangal sana si Elli pero naalala nitong siya ang gumawa. Napaisip si Aurora. She never asked for a lover. Siguro kasi gano’n din nararamdaman niya? She can’t handle another heartbreak. Her family struggle is enough of a burden to her. Pero hindi niya naman mapipigilan na she needs human touch too. Ilang beses na nagising si Aurora sa tabi ng hindi niya kilala. She didn’t bother asking their name. Or calling them twice.  

She wanted to tell the truth. However, she doesn't feel that it's her right time to talk. It would ruin the moment and the space for Elli. She doesn’t want to be added to her new story. But she has a lot of questions too and scared to get answered.  

Why her mother left her, why is she there working in a young age, why. Why. Pero hindi niya tinanong. Takot na kapag nasagot ‘to ay hindi niya ito magagawa. She put her questions on art and made it a product. She admits, confusion and madness is her fuel.

She wants to be honest. She wants the tragedy and pain that life gives to her so, she could make it something beautiful. 

She wants to be honest but she would not. 

"Hindi ko alam pa'no ko 'to masusulat. Wala naman akong experience sa love love na ‘yan. Relationshit." misery, halos makipagtitigan si Elli sa screen niya. She sips on the coffee she made, "Ano, what if you make me feel those things?" 

Huh. 

"Joke." bawi ni Elli before Aurora could even react. She shyly chuckled, "Nagjojoke lang e." 

"Tanga." her immediate reaction. 

"Pero in case, p'wede?" at talagang itinuloy niya, "For art purposes only." Aurora doesn’t get it. What are they talking about? Nakasimangot siya. Naguguluhan. Elli was uneasy. Nagulat rin sa sinabi niya but managed, “Make me feel those things, the romantic shits. I know you get me. And I’m comfortable to you. Ikaw lang sinabihan ko nito.” Aurora smiled, don’t know what to react, “joke, nevermind me.” she continued typing on her laptop. Aurora stood up to go back to work, leaving her alone. 

Hindi niya maintindihan ang gustong iparating ni Elli. Does she want her to pretend as her girlfriend? Ano, trial? However, Aurora is not against to the idea.