Island {Jeon Jungkook}

Since this is the first chapter it is kinda short, I just wanted you to have a taste of what the characters are like, please keep in mind all characters will have further explanations and will be elaborated. Hope you like it :D Genre: Fluff, eventual smut, a whole lot of angst, Photographer!Jungkook, Fighter!OC, Dancer!OC Pairing: Jungkook X Oc OC p.o.v Warnings: Mentions of mental disorders such as depression, social anxiety, ADHD and borderline syndrome. It also includes suicide, alcoholism, unfaithfulness, toxic relationships and mental breakdowns. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, the information here WAS consulted by a psychiatrist but again: This is all fiction and it is not intended to romanticize anything that was mentioned in the warning. I am not the best person in this world and I accepted a long time ago that I won't ever be. I could be a better student, daughter, friend, sister, I could be better in a lot of ways but I decided not to dress in shame everytime I don't live up to the expectations, other's or my own. It's not like me to skip classes, it's not like me to forget about my best friend, It's not like me to be so reckless on clear daylight, as I said, I'm not the best person in this world but I am not that lost. But sometimes, just sometimes I fail, and it's good to fail. And maybe -because it is so good- that's why I keep coming back to it. I told myself that was the last time Adam would hurt me, that I would never speak to him again and if I did, it would be in disdain, just like I've been telling myself for the past one year and a half, dozens and dozens of times. He texted me in the middle of literature class, one of the only classes we share. "Meet me later?" I instantly turn around to see him seated by the window and as I stare at his pacific blue eyes I forget how angry I am. That's my first mistake of the day. I turn around and put effort into ignoring his attempts to catch my attention for the rest of the class, but time ticks and my curiosity grows stronger. "What could he possibly have to say for himself?" and it's that wondering that gets me to listen to him, fall for his lies and keep this sick relationship of ours. We keep moving in circles, and I get dizzier and sicker on each turn. "I didn't think that it was going to hurt you, you know that I don't mean it, I promise to be better, I'm so sorry." He would say. "This is the last time." -I would warn. The second mistake. "This is the last time, I promise" -He would agree, knowing we would have plenty of other last times. Right now, putting back my clothes after having s*x with him -the third not so surprising mistake of the day- on one of the empty classrooms, I think about how I got here, or rather, how I put myself in this situation. I run my way to Sienna twenty minutes later than expected because all though I will always be the one to blame for those weak moments, Adam's skin was like remedy I didn't know I needed. When I finally find her, seated at the front stairs of the main building, she looks at me in pure disgust. I stop and try to catch my breath, while I'm at it, Sienna stands with hands in fists. She's this one small girl with brown beautiful skin and heavy black curls, she's the kind of girl that everybody either likes or envies, she's so nice all the time and it absolutely breaks my heart to hurt her. -Sie, I'm sorry I... -You were with him. -Her eyes look around, trying to keep the rage inside and I almost tell her not to. -God ___ you have to stop doing this to yourself! I know she's right, of course she is, but I instantly get defensive, barely managing to keep the sharp words for myself. "Easy for you to say" How could she understand how it's like? She's in the perfect relationship with the perfect guy she has known all her life, she's always surrounded by people that care about her and are ready to be on her side if needed, she has parents that can give her all of their time and absolutely no worries about the future at all, because -as she says- it's all settled. She won't ever understand the way he uses his soft lips against me, how his words make me defenseless, how catching him staring at me with those cruel eyes still makes my heart race even tho it happened every single day for the past year. How can she blame me for looking for Adam? How can she blame me for seeking his warmth? How can't she see that all I have are this broken promises that I cut myself with when trying to manipulate? Yes, they are hurtful and empty, but what am I supposed to do if that is all there is for me? -It is okay to forget about me ever once in a while -She says, fierce eyes opening holes in my face. -I'll forgive you, you are my best friend, but please, just once let it be someone else's fault! It is always him, always! -I'm sorry... -It's all I can mumble because honestly, I deserve this. -We can go now, I'm sorry I left you waiting... -Mike is picking me up, I want to go home. -Oh come on Sie, you were so excited for this! -Sienna, knowing she would be the one drawing attention at the ball, wanted to go out and find dresses, something I was partly against but had no choice after seeing her puppy eyes. -Well, that was before. -She ends the conversation coldly and walks into the building, leaving me at the entrance with a heaviness in my chest. I get home approximately one hour later and it's as chaotic as a house full of children could be. Toys everywhere and childish cute laughs were part of a mess I wasn't all too bothered about. My parents always dreamed with a big house full of kids in a small city and now they have it, it's great that they are happy this way and I truly admire how they raise my siblings and keep the house standing but that was never my expectations for lifestyle and they are not the ones to blame. I cross our living room that is eternally decorated by leggo castles, mini action figures, and colorful plastic guns and get to my room on the second floor before I'm even noticed. Somewhat the fact that I have a big family always filled me with pride. Other people complained and worried about their families while I could say -with conviction- that my family is the best. It's like at least something is right, at least something works. I can relate to problematic friends, problematic love life, s*x life, school life, social life in general but I could stand and say that, fortunately, my family was okay. All though I love my family dearly, it is hard to spend real time with them since we are simultaneously doing other things around the house. My parents can't give me exclusive attention because of all the younger ones, my older sister and I aren't close at all, my baby brothers and sisters are too young to be part of my routine... That is why I spend most of my time in my room, because I have no other option and because it is silent. It is silent, very very silent. Something about the position of this room made it completely soundproof and that's why it was desired by every member of this family. It used to be my parent's but when they had the twins they had to move downstairs and this room was passed to my older sister, once she got engaged and moved away, it became mine. Sometimes at the depths of the night, I like to think that the end of the world is incapable of breaking the silence of this room and I'll wake up to something completely different the next day. Even though we just saw each other I still text Sienna an apology, I know she doesn't want to see or hear from me right now but I still want her to go out and buy dresses with me -honestly because knowing myself- if I don't have the excuse of accompanying her, I won't go at all. Our relationship was always based on how different we are, Sie is loud and quite an open book, she is sunny and says all the right things when needed, I'm the girl people ask to repeat herself because they couldn't hear her quiet voice the first time, I'm the girl with pretty eyes but no approachable smile, I'm the one people don't "know that much" but seen around in the halls. I'm here, but my presence won't make you warm, won't comfort or take over your heart. I'm someone of quiet reactions and shy smiles, I take life in small bites for I'm scared of being noticed. As usual, I spend my afternoon playing overwatch and reading random quotes on Tumblr, peeking at my phone from time to time to see if I got any replies from Sienna. Unlike my wishful thinking, it's not Sienna who calls me after a particularly difficult match, but Adam. My fingertips ich, I know I shouldn't, I know it already got me in trouble today, I know it would be the fourth mistake of the day but I still pick up anyway. -Hi. -I murmur and he laughs on the other side, the laugh he gives me when he believes I'm unaware of something, it gives me goosebumps. -So early yet so upset, what's on your mind? -Even when trying to lure me into his claws, Adam is still unable to hide his sternness, his severe voice and malicious tone can't be hidden by his angelic facade, he -as one of the many other things he's oblivious about- doesn't know that I can see his blue eyes in the back of my mind, that I can feel the teeth of his smile against my neck and feel like a prey whenever he speaks to me like that. Adam isn't a monster though, he is a remarkably beautiful man, with an essentially ugly personality. -I'm always upset it seems. -I comment, standing up from my uncomfortable chair to lay on my bed with arms and legs spread open. -You should smile for often. Now that's a problem with men. Not the wanting of women in an eternal state of good mood, not the psychological terror imposed on young girls to mold their minds into believing that they are only beautiful when looking soft and smiley, majorly because that is what boys like and everybody knows that you are only beautiful if a boy says so, no. The real problem is the willing dissociation between action and reaction. It is a choice they make to blind themselves of their actions and how they affect others because, after all, "caring" is a girls thing. Adam wants me to have a smile on my face but he doesn't want to deal with the effort of being the cause of such thing. Doesn't matter how he got there, the important thing is for it to be there when he looks bothers to look. -I guess. -Are the words that actually leave my mouth, opinions one by one, reduced to the size of the coins forgotten in pockets. -Wanna go out? Mad and the others are clubbing tonight. Thinking about all those people makes me sick. I hate his group of friends, not the bitchy girlfriend kind, the "they do stuff that goes against my morals" kind of hate. -No, not really feeling it tonight. -I stand up and walk to my door wanting to walk downstairs for a bit and get something to eat at the kitchen. -Too bad, I'm sure it would be a lot more fun with you there. -His words make their way through my chest and I wonder if I should go despite hating every second of it, it's only a glimpse before I remember Sienna's words. "You need to stop being this boy's moon." she once told me, after I cried for two hours over not being able to go on a stupid trip with him that I didn't really want to go on the first place. I said "no" -I realize- and it's an evolution, I should keep it like that. -I bet. -I tell him and I'm almost proud of maintaining my composure. Reaching the kitchen I find my mother seated at the dining table talking on her phone, I wave her way and she smiles sweetly. -Who are you talking to baby? -She asks me, putting her hand over the speaker on her phone. -Adam. -I whisper back, she smiles but doesn't elaborate further. -Whatever, I just wanted to know if you were up for something but since you aren't "feeling it" lately, I guess I'll just go with them. -He's not very good at hiding the cheerfulness in his voice as if my presence would be less enjoyable than the lack of it. -Have fun... -My waist finds the sink and I cross my legs, staring at the ground. -Please be careful. -Chill babe, I know what I'm doing. -He laughs. -Of course. -But my voice is so uncertain that he repeats himself. -Text me later, just so I know that you are okay. -I will. -We said goodbye and he wished me a good night before hanging up. Several hours later my doorbell is ringing and it is too late for any other family member to be awake so I ran downstairs at full speed, heart racing thinking something horrible just happened. But when the door is opened there's a surprised silence from both sides. -Sie? It's so late! -I step out and close the door behind me, I'm still holding the doorknob with my hands on my back when she jumps to hug me tightly. I'm drowning in hair and clothes for a second until she pulls away and grabs my shoulders to look at me even tho I'm at least a head taller than her. -I am so sorry for you! -Her eyes fill with tears and I'm genuinely concerned now. -Sienna what the f**k are you talking about? -Confusion rains on our bodies, we stare at each other wondering if we should know what is going own, too afraid to test the waters. -Well, Adam... -She mumbles, brows furrowing. -Please don't tell me you didn't know about it, please don't tell me I'm the one telling you this... -Her eyes are of the size of golf balls now, she's grabbing her own hair with both hands. I stare at her in silence, then open the door behind me and run for the second floor, desperate to find my phone, scared to death of what I might find out. Half an hour later and I'm still staring at the ceiling of my room in bewilderment with Sienna running her hands through my hair, whispering encouraging words. I was never naive about my relationship with Adam, some voice on the back of my mind always whispered conspiracies about his fidelity but I tend to try an look at the world as what I wish it was rather than what it actually is, which led me into accepting that all of those "bad thoughts" and wondering were simply the ghosts of my insecurities haunting me, not reasonable conclusions of the person my boyfriend is. "He wouldn't, he likes me, he proved that" but truth be told, the proving was never enough, yes it was routinely and sometimes overwhelming but never enough, Adam overall was never sufficient. But I still ignored the most obvious signs with the simple explanation that all though it wasn't all I needed, it was something and having nothing was way too scary. But there's a concept a little more terrifying than nothing, and it's nowhere. If you find yourself troubled, if you are on the streets on a storm with no umbrella, the first human instinct is to find a roof to hide under, naturally. But what when the trouble follows you home? What if the roof of your house isn't enough to keep you dry and warm and the freezing droops are flooding the room? What then? It wasn't Sienna's intention -to flood my house-, but to let the water inside was my only reaction after seeing what she meant by "Adam did something". Yes, he did a lot of somethings but never did he shove them in my face with such haughtiness, never did he mock my dependency to his love like that. I wish I hadn't understood how his other actions hurt more than the infidelity itself, but I did. To think that he posted his affair on social media, sent videos and photos of the stereotypical plastic blond girl to all of my friends, even how he called her "angel", the same nickname he used with me for almost two years, all of this hurts more than to think about his hands on her, his lips on a skin that isn't mine, his senses being filled with something completely different from my perfume... But none of this hurts as much as looking at the clock to find out it is three in the morning. To be exact, it is three twenty-seven and his last text got to me at three fifteen. "3:15 Asshole: Going to Mad's now, luv u" That, surprisingly, is what damages my heart the most. Sienna sleeps half an hour later but I can't close my eyes. Seems unfair, how a man that never gave me heaven can take me to hell so easily. But I guess I'm the one to blame, I'll always be the one to blame for my weak moments, I was the one with hands full of second chances and I spent them unwisely, not anyone else. The next morning, a Saturday morning, my mom brings us coffee on the bed and Sienna tells me Mike is picking us up so we can have a "girls day out" and buy dresses, even Anthony, my baby brother, hands me a flower when I'm passing through him on my way out. They know, of course, that coffee, buying dresses and flowers won't fix my heart this time but I'm still very grateful for the try. Sie does most of the talk on our way to the mall, which is good because I have something to concentrate rather than stare at my phone waiting for his apologies like I did all night. She tells me about Cambridge and trying to get Mike to move to England with her so they can attend the same university, then rambles about prom night and how much fun it will be, then proceeds to tell me that she helped Mike choose his blazer... She tries not to mention her perfect relationship knowing how sensitive I am at the moment with the love topic, but she can't avoid mentioning Mike on every single conversation that she has. At this point he has become the center of her world, they have become the same living breathing thing and it is impossible to think of Sienna and Mike individually, they are one, and they like to be one, but it's not the most practical thing when comforting a heartbroken friend. She picks her dress first, a pretty shade of baby pink that makes her skin stand out, and later ends up picking mine as well, a dark wine red that I have to admit, looks very beautiful. I don't hear from Adam on the weekend and I don't have the strength to look for him either, which proves to be good since it gives me time to think about myself. Monday approaches pretty fast and just like everybody else with no other choice, I put on some clothes, brush my hair for the first time in two days and head to school, gathering some courage to stare at icy blue eyes and not fall apart in front of everybody on the school bus I seem too old to take. "You could drive." said mom. "I wouldn't want to be alone with myself and a radio on the car for twenty minutes, the chances of me doing something incredibly stupid -like turning it on- were way too high for my good." I don't say that, I say "It's fine to take the bus", which I now regret. The noise of bored kids doesn't distract me from my thoughts how I expected it to. But I make it alive, and making it alive is today's motto. Not finding Sienna is a big hole in my plan of ignoring the rest of the world and possibly everyone in it, it forces me to actually pay attention at most of my classes but the day is slowly moving to an end and I couldn't be more relieved. Since I wasn't "looked for" all morning, I could only assume Adam didn't show up as well. I sit in front of the class for social studies and my leg moves nervously as if it has a life of its own, I can't stop looking at the door waiting for Adam to come in since this is the only other class we share. He does come in, late, like always. Sits on the opposite side of class, doesn't say anything for solid fifteen minutes, then I turn around to check if he's still there. And he's looking at me as well, not in an apologetic way, just staring, and I look at my shoes for a moment before gathering my stuff and leaving. What a stupid plan, what a stupid girl. How highly must you think of yourself for believing you would make it okay? How innocent. For some reason, I walk to the art building, probably because I know it is going to be empty, probably because I just want to feel some of the smell of paint to distract myself. I am right, there is no one in the dark hallways and that's good because I'm pouring my eyes out by the time I reach one of the classrooms and find out it is unlocked. But not dark or empty at all. There's a male inside, it's all I can tell from his back. He's leaning towards one of the art projects left from the previous class, It's noticeable that he's taller than me and has shiny black hair, other than that, I can only see the big beautiful camera on his hands. -What are you doing? -My voice cracks mid-sentence to remind me I'm still crying and he turns around faster than I can hide my red swallowed face. -Jesus! You scared me! But after the brief surprise, he's smiling and I feel like I just got punched in the stomach. Yes, he's taller than me, yes, has shiny black hair and a camera, but there's so much more. There's his pale skin, the crinkles in his eyes, his pink lips and bunny smile, his beautiful leather jacket, his eyes are so big and dark and welcoming there's so much more. -Well... -He also looks away, the way people do when they have been staring for longer than what they should, that shake of the head as if you are getting out of a haze. -Sorry I took your hiding spot, I was just on my way out. -I wasn't hiding. -My voice sounds a little more bothered than intended, I probably look displeased overall because he clears his throat, looking awfully uncomfortable. -You are crying in a supposedly empty classroom, I just assumed. -His eyes meet mine again and he lets go of the camera, letting it rest on his chest to offer me his hand. -I'm Jeon Jungkook, don't think we introduced. -Yes, I'm... Y/n -I grab his hand, giving it a little shake before wiping my face quickly. -I'm sorry, not having the best day, I shouldn't take it out on you and be rude. He shakes his head, looks around and then sits down on one of the chairs. -It's okay to be rude if your day is bad enough, mind telling me? He laughs at the way my eyes blink helplessly. "Sorry I didn't quite understand the question" I'm tempted to say. Funny, how a stranger can make me blow minded with a simple "tell me about your day". Without further do I take the place next to him, that smiles sympathetically and offers me a sip of his coffee. "What is going on?" -Do you usually meet people like this? -He follows my laughing then signs and turns off his camera, putting the lid on the lens -No, I don't ask random girls about their tragic days very often, is just... -I notice the light coming from the window behind him and how it kind of looks like a halo, he chuckles after the pause. -You are a funny looking person. -And the cheekiness in his eyes makes me erupt in a loud careless laugh. -Did you just call me "a funny looking person" Jeon Jungkook? -Raising my eyebrow for a stranger would seem a weird act if it wasn't Jungkook and his shrugging shoulders. I told him about my day, he told me he was waiting for some friends to be done for the day and decided to take some pictures, told me about his love for photography, I told him about last week and my stupid now ex-boyfriend. How strange it was to notice that Friday's events didn't seem to affect me now half as much as they did this morning, telling Jungkook about it made them feel like a distant funny memory, not a very recent hurtful one. -Well, he sucks. -He concludes and I agree with a smile lingering on my lips. -I suppose you are right again Jeon, he sucks. We sustain silence, just smiling empathically at each other, he stands up. -Are you attending prom ___? I'm blinking at him again. -I am, got something in mind? He adjusts his jacket before shoving his camera into a black bag. -We just met, would be weird for me to invite you. -He makes his way to the door and turns to stare at me, still sitting on one of the hard chairs. -Let's just say I'm really looking forward to seeing you there, it will be quite the night. And no more words are said before he leaves the room.