Tick Tock

A Stitch in CrimeBy Gwen Gardner Franny, the ghost of a former Victorian madam, hovered over my shoulder. “Push the needle through from the underside, then cross diagonally and push the needle back through the material. No, dear, cross it—cross it. That’s why it’s called cross-stitch.” “No need to get cross about it,” I joked. “Ow!” A bright-red bubble sprang up on my thumb where I had jammed the needle into it. “You didn’t warn me this was going to be a dangerous activity.” After my last haunting case turned into murder, I wanted a nice, safe, boring hobby. Cross-stitch sounded like a good idea at the time. “Oh, do be careful, dear,” Franny said, with her usual tsk. For the record, I am not clumsy. Spirits tend to be needy, and meeting strange ghosts can get dicey. When things get dicey, stuff happens. That’s all. I encounter a lot of ghosties in Sabrina Shores, a medieval market town boasting eight hundred years of history. Where there’s history, ghosts reside. In my opinion, we had the highest ghost population per capita in all of England. A ghost magnet like me ought to know. I held the embroidered cloth up for Franny’s inspection, but even I could see gaps where I’d missed stitches—and still others where the stitches resembled the Leaning Tower of Pisa instead of the Statue of Liberty. It looked like a six-year-old stitched it. Almost. Franny eyed my work and blinked several times. Teaching me to embroider was not her best idea ever. To her credit though, she rearranged her features into a smile and went with it. “Yes, that’s it, dear. You’re getting the hang of it.” Today Franny wore a periwinkle-blue dress with black lace trim, cinched at the waist to within an inch of her afterlife. Thank goodness she didn’t need to breathe. The dress complemented her indigo-blue eyes, and her shining black hair twisted into an up-do that reflected true Victorian artistry. Related somewhere up the meandering family vine, we were almost mirror images of each other—except she got the full stack to fill out her bustier, and I got shafted. The unfairness rankled, but push-up bras and padding worked wonders. Where Franny rocked a stylish wardrobe, I preferred a more relaxed fit: tie-dyed leggings and sweat shirt, my unbrushed hair wadded into a topknot. My relaxed style proved to be the bane of Franny’s existence. If I had a pound for every time she lamented, “How will you ever catch a man wearing that?” or “You’re not wearing that, are you?” I’d be a rich woman today. Far from being rich, I ate ramen noodles too often for comfort. That would change when I landed a job—a real job, not the ghostbusting kind. A sharp rap at the door pierced the room. I locked glances with Franny, then checked the clock over the fireplace. “It’s after ten; who could be stopping by now?” I laid my cross-stitch aside and padded to the front door. I peeked through the peephole. My hunky ex-boyfriend’s distorted face peered back. “It’s Badger.” I glanced down at my comfy clothes with a twinge of regret. Maybe Franny had a point. Franny’s jaw dropped open, and she flapped her hands. “And look at the state of you! Quick now, go change. Brush your hair. You look like a carpetbag lady.” I shook my head. Franny’s mastery of modern vernacular needed help on occasion. “You mean bag lady.” I ignored her advice and shot back the deadbolt. “Badger, this is a surprise!” “Sorry it’s so late, but I come bearing gifts.” He produced a bag from Java Jane’s and a cardboard holder containing two coffees. “Italian roast, extra large, extra shot, extra strong.” He knew me well. I snatched the bag. “In that case, you should come in.” Badger trailed me to the kitchen. Shrugging off his jacket, he shivered and glanced around. “Hi, Franny.” Badger knew about the cold spots in my flat and why they were there. He knew about Franny but couldn’t hear her. Thank goodness for small favors. If he could hear half of what she said… “Good evening, lover boy.” Franny sidled up to him and ran a seductive finger along his cheek, then trailed down his arm. She air-smooched his cheek, and he shivered again. “Franny says hello.” I shot her a pointed look. “She was just leaving.” She glared at me. “I never get to have any fun.” I snorted. Franny’s afterlife included a parade of adoring men and countless parties. My life consisted of learning how to cross-stitch from a ghost of questionable morals on a Friday night. And that only because she pitied my nonexistent social life. Her quest to find me a man proved relentless. And annoying. I could find a man if I wanted. I still had moves up my sleeve. I pushed up my sleeves and tore into the bag. A variety of pastries nestled inside, beckoning, like a treasure chest full of jewels. “Bagels, croissants, snickerdoodles, macaroons…” I looked up and met Badger’s eyes. “Okay, spill the coffee beans. This is serious indeed.” I twisted the bag top into a tight taper and pushed it away, then sat back and crossed my arms. “You’re not here on a Friday night for my titillating company.” “You wound me.” He splayed his hand over his heart as if I’d punctured it with an arrow. “Yeah, yeah. Come on, you brought all my favorite junk foods, so out with it.” He sighed. “You’re right. This isn’t exactly a social call.” He didn’t meet my eyes or answer right away. Instead he crossed to the cupboard and pulled out a plate, then made a big production of untwisting and smoothing out the mangled bag. Pastries were arranged to their best advantage. “As it happens, I have a friend in need.” “Uh-huh.” I snatched a macaroon and bit it in half. The sweet and chewy coconut seduced my taste buds. I shoved the rest in my mouth and continued. “Let me guess. This friend of yours has a mischievous ghost who’s creating havoc and making life miserable.” “In a word, yes.” I sighed. “I’m not a ghostbuster. I need a real job.” I’d applied for numerous positions with no response. I dreamed of eating real food instead of ramen noodles every night. “I know.” He plucked a blueberry scone from the pile and broke it in half. “But it’s a paying gig, and let’s face it: you need money.” Someone had a big mouth. Probably me. “How much?” I may not like dealing with spirits, but I could be bought for the right price. Like a steak-and-potato dinner, perhaps with a nice bottle of Cabernet thrown in. “The going rate,” Badger said. He shoved half the scone in his mouth and chewed while I waited. “A thousand pounds.” The macaroon lodged in my throat, trapping coconut-coffee juice at the back of my nasal passages. I managed to swallow the lump before anything shot from my nose, but a coughing fit ensued. Once that subsided, I wiped my watery eyes on the back on my hand. “When do I start?” I choked out. “Don’t you want to know what it is first?” “I’d exorcise the devil himself for a thousand pounds,” I said, then hesitated. “It’s not the devil himself…is it?” He laughed and shook his head. “No, lucky for you. It sounds tame. A friend of mine owns the Candy Cupboard. A few days ago she came in to find candy scattered all over the floor. Her assistant swore she swept and mopped before closing. So she checked the security cameras.” “And caught the culprit red-handed?” I prompted. “Not exactly. A bin opened by itself. The candy scoop rose into the air, as if someone lifted it up, then dumped it onto the floor. At six o’clock every night since, the scenario repeats itself.” I shook my head. “A wanton waste of candy, a true crime indeed.” Or more like a mischievous ghost with a sweet tooth. “True, it’s only a handful of candy at a time…” he said. “Uh oh. I feel a ‘but’ coming,” I said. “Apparently the spirit has an attack of conscience, and attempts to pick up and put the candy back,” he said. “Sounds like a good plan to me. I wonder if this ghostie is for hire?” I joked. “Better yet, I wonder if Franny can be trained.” “I heard that, you ungrateful scamp,” Franny called through the ether. I ignored her. Badger continued. “The problem is health and safety standards. The whole bin has to be chucked.” “Ah. Loss of inventory can be costly,” I agreed. “And then there’s the small matter of scaring the customers,” he added. I snorted. “A little flying candy? I’ve seen worse.” I sent up a silent prayer that our sweet-toothed ghostie didn’t have a toothache by the time I got there. * * * I arranged to meet Maisy, the candy-store owner, at closing time on Saturday night. Leaving my flat, I wound through a series of narrow cobblestoned passages to the town center. Half-timbered Elizabethan and Tudor architecture lined the square, a picture-perfect backdrop for a Dickensian Christmas scene. A towering Christmas tree, dusted with snow earlier in the day, lit up the square. Bright lights blinked, lighting up the red and gold bulbs hanging from the branches. “Jingle Bell Rock” filtered through outdoor speakers so shoppers could enjoy the music. Silver swirls of fog rolled in off the nearby Sabrina River and long, misty fingertips pinched exposed cheeks and noses. Rather than dampen holiday spirits, it seemed to spread goodwill and cheer, as if touched by the calming torch of the Ghost of Christmas Present. But as I wove through the milling crowds, I avoided all eye contact with any specter resembling the ghosts of Christmas past, present, or future—I could only take on one haunting gig at a time—and continued on to the candy store. The window display at the Candy Cupboard stopped me in my tracks. A Santa’s village made of gingerbread houses with gumdrop chimneys, candy-floss snow, and chocolate reindeer encompassed the entire window. Franny popped in beside me. “Every child’s dream, isn’t it?” A wistful note entered her voice. She’d never had children. I often thought that was why she’d attached herself to me. A bell chimed over the door when I entered, but no one came to greet me. Glancing around, I saw that the Candy Cupboard was a popular place. The air prickled with otherworld energy. I wandered the shop, wanting to get a feel for the place before I met Maisy. The store was long and narrow. Three rows of clear-lidded plastic bins, broken up only by a kiosk in the center of the store, held every kind of candy imaginable, from Airheads to gummy bears to licorice sticks and gobstoppers. The kiosk contained the candies made on site. Each filling station provided scoops and cute plastic bags decorated with candy canes in which to stuff candy and pay by weight. I continued down another aisle and noticed the drop in temperature as I walked. A swoosh of cold air blasted toward me, followed by the spirit of an older woman zipping through a candy bin to hover inside my personal space. I sucked in a breath at the unexpected cold front, then exhaled a plume of condensation. I managed to keep my cool. “Hello,” I said through frozen lips. “I’m Indigo Eady.” Instead of responding in kind, she narrowed her eyes and shook a finger in my face. “I’m watching you. My granddaughter loses a lot of merchandise to theft.” The accusation stung. I’d given her no reason to suspect me of stealing. Unless you counted prowling the aisles while casting covert glances over my shoulder like a sneaky thief. Maybe she had a point. Franny jammed her hands on her hips. “Of all the nerve. Miss Eady would never steal. In fact, she’s here to help.” The elderly spirit, her steel-gray hair tightly permed against her head, wore a purple polyester pantsuit with Velcro-strapped trainers. She c****d her head toward Franny, a malicious gleam in her eyes. “And who are you, her grandmother?” Oh no, she did not just go there. “Why you insufferable old cow—” Franny began. “Hello, can I help you?” Footsteps approached from behind, and I turned to see a somewhat plump young blond woman trod toward me. She wore a white smock, and her name tag read, “Maisy Potter, Master Confectioner.” I smiled and stuck out my hand. “I’m Indigo Eady. Badger Bagley sent me to help with your, erm, security problem.” She hesitated—I suppose she expected someone sporting a white zip-up onesie and a portable hoover strapped to her back—but seconds later reached for my hand with both of hers and shook with such vigor that my teeth rattled. I extracted my hand before any serious damage occurred to my dental work. “I’m Maisy,” she said. “I am so happy you’re here, Indigo; I’m at my wit’s end. I mentioned to Badger what happened, and he didn’t think I was daft at all. I can tell you, I was happy he believed me. I mean, it’s crazy, isn’t it? Ghosts aren’t real.”