MY PUCKING SECRET

Chapter 1 “Ashton! For God sake! are you f*****g crazy?!” I screamed for what felt like the hundredth time, rubbing my temple like it might magically erase the conversation happening in front of me. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Because, My twin brother still looked like he wanted me to go through with his crazy plan. “For God's sake, Ashley,” Ashton groaned dramatically. “Please. It’s only five months.” Only five months. Only five months? Why did he say it like it was 5 minutes. “Do you hear yourself right now?” I asked slowly. He winced a little, obvious guilt tugging at him. “You want me,” I continued, pointing at my own chest for emphasis, “to pretend to be you. Go to your university. Live in a boys’ hostel, be in your hockey team, and pretend to be you, Ashton Miller for five whole months!!!” I took a much needed breath. “I don’t even play hockey like that Ash.” Ashton looked offended. “Yes you do.” I dragged my hands down my face. “ That's not the point.” He didn’t argue with that. Instead, he shifted slightly in the bed, the sling creaking as his leg moved. The hospital room smelled like antiseptic and gauze. Ashton lay sprawled across the narrow bed, his left leg in a thick white cast hanging in the air from a sling like a broken chandelier. His head was wrapped in bandages, and bruises painted ugly purple shadows across his arms. It was unsettling. Mostly because we were identical twins, so he looked exactly like me. The same sharp cheekbones and green eyes. Same black hair that reminded us of a calm river at night. If someone walked in right now and ignored his wounds, they probably wouldn’t know which one of us was which. Which, apparently, is what gave Ashton Miller, the audacity to say what he was saying. He was scared and it made him desperate. He was willing to do anything and everything to secure his spot in this hockey league. “You know how to play Ashley,” he said quietly. “Dad taught us both.” That part was true. Our father had been a hockey legend in his prime. The kind of player sports magazines wrote about. The kind of man who believed his children should be just as great. So growing up, Ashton and I had both been trained like little athletes in a sports academy instead of a home. We learned how to skate before we could even ride bikes properly. But there was a difference. Ashton loved it, enjoyed it even. But I survived it. “That’s not the f*****g point!!!,” I snapped. I threw my hands in the air in frustration. “The point is you want me to pause my life and live yours for five f*****g months!” Silence stretched between us. Ashton looked down at his cast, his jaw tightening. Then he looked back up at me, and there was something in his eyes that made my irritation falter. “Ashley, please.” My stomach twisted. “I know this sounds ridiculous,” he continued. “Trust me, I know. But this is my only shot.” His voice cracked slightly. He was a little shy of crying now. “This is my one chance to make the big league.” “Then, you should’ve thought about that before you drove drunk.” He twitched like I slapped him. But it was true! We were here because he was reckless. A week ago, Ashton had gone out with his teammates to celebrate their team's acceptance to play in the division 1 team in the country. The first step toward the professional league. The dream he’d been chasing since we were kids. But he thought lady luck had a huge crush on him, he was so wrong. On his way home alone, his car had ended up nose-first in a ditch. The doctors said he was lucky to be alive. Lucky. Ha! “I know I messed up,” Ashton said quietly. I didn’t respond. He dragged a hand over his face. “Ash, if I lose this opportunity…” His voice dropped. “I lose everything.” My chest tightened. I hated when he sounded like that, like the weight of the world was sitting on his shoulders. But that didn’t mean I was volunteering to carry it for him. “ I'll be risking getting arrested for fraud, living with a bunch of guys who will absolutely notice something is off, and pretending to be a Division One hockey player.” I leaned closer to the bed. “What happens when they find out?” Ashton didn't answer immediately, that was answer enough. My dickhead of a twin brother didn't have a damage control plan. "Wow" I huffed out a sarcastic laugh He sighed. “I just need time,” he said. “Five months. The season ends, I recover, I come back, and no one has to know Ash” “That’s not how reality works.” “ we've done it before. We can pull this off too. You're the craftiest person I know” He smirked at me, smirked!!! The audacity. “You think this is funny?” “We fooled our third-grade teacher for a whole week.” “That was different!” “You pretended to be me during a math test.” “That was a survival situation!” Ashton laughed weakly, which turned into a pained wince when he shifted his leg. “We’ll also be fooling Mom and Dad, I can't believe you didn't tell them” I pointed out. "Why am I the only one who knows!" I knew why though. Our parents believed one thing above all else. 'Failure was unacceptable' Every child in our family had to be exceptional. Ashton had always believed he was the weaker twin. The one struggling to keep up, Which was ridiculous. But try telling that to someone raised in the Miller's Mansion, under constant supervision, and comparison. “We can't tell them,” Ashton said quietly. I get him. “Dad just congratulated me for securing a spot in the big league,” he continued. “If I tell him I got drunk and destroyed that chance…” His voice faded into a strangled whisper. “He'll say he was right.” I looked at my brother. My twin. My other half. And suddenly he didn’t look like the confident hockey player everyone admired. He looked like a scared kid with a broken dream. Still… This idea was insane. “Even if I agreed to this,” I said carefully, “how exactly would it work?” Hope flickered across his face so fast it was almost blinding. “You'd go to Northbrook University as Ashton Miller.” “Yes Captain obvious, I understood that part” “You’d stay in my dorm.” a giddy smile appeared on his face. “Your only boys’ dorm.” “Yes.” I pressed my fingers against my forehead. “Please tell me you at least have your own room.” Ashton hesitated. “Ash.” my eyes narrowed. “Well…” he stuttered “I...well, you have a roommate.” I stared at him in disbelief. “Ashton!!!” “He’s cool!” Ash lamely defended. “That’s not the point!” “He’s also the team captain.” That made me freeze. s**t. “That's worse Ash!!!" I pulled at my hair. "The team captain lives with you?” “Yeah.” My brain tried to process the insanity of this situation. “So let me get this straight,” I said slowly. “I would be living in a room with the captain of your hockey team, pretending to be you, while trying not to get caught being a girl.” “Yes.” “And you think that’s easy?” Ashton shrugged weakly. “He’s not that observant.” My instincts screamed that statement was a lie. “What’s his name?” I asked. “Kade Milton.” My stomach did a strange little flip. “Wait,” I said. “The Kade Milton?” Even I knew that name. Every sports article about Northbrook’s hockey team mentioned him. He was the star player and team captain. The girls around said he was nonchalant, and rudely hot. Their words not mine. And this dude is apparently my future roommate. Fantastic. Note the sarcasm. “Look,” Ashton said quickly, noticing my expression. “He’s intense about hockey, but outside of that he’s chill Ash.” “Oh, great,” I muttered. “So the hyper-observant team leader who spends all his time studying his teammates will definitely never notice something is wrong.” Ashton winced. “I’ll teach you everything you need to know before you go.” “You are currently immobile Ash” "Minor setback.” he said, winking at me. “you’re delusional.” I poked his bruised chest. "Ugh," he winced dramatically. "More like, I'm very desperate" We stared at each other again, our twin telekinesis passing the unspeakable messages. The hospital monitor beeped softly in the background. My brain ran through every possible outcome of this situation. Most of them involved jail, or humiliation. Or both. But then another thought crept in. Five months. Five months of freedom from our parents’ suffocating expectations. Five months of living someone else's life. Five months of doing something completely reckless. I looked at Ashton again. He was watching me like his future depended on my answer. It probably did. I exhaled slowly. This was the worst idea anyone had ever had. Truly. Spectacularly bad. Which was probably why a tiny part of me felt something dangerous bubbling under my hesitation. Excitement, freedom. “You owe me,” I said finally. Ashton’s eyes widened. “For the rest of your life.” His face exploded with relief. “Deal!” “And if I get arrested...” “You won't.” “...I will personally haunt you.” He grinned. “Worth it.” I shook my head, already regretting this. “Congratulations,” I muttered. “You just ruined my life.” Ashton leaned back against the pillow with the happiest expression I’d seen on his face since the accident. “Five months,” he said. I stared at him. The brother who had my face. And the future I had just agreed to live. Five months pretending to be a boy Five months living with the captain of a hockey team. What could possibly go wrong? Except every f*****g thing.