Pass Me By

I never wanted to become the person I am today. It's been so hard to try to be this good person that people are supposed to turn out to be. It's meant to come easily. Being good, I mean. I always thought that being wrong was what caused hesitation. Why is it always the 'right' choices that cause more hesitation? I feel incapable of living my own life. Why? I couldn't even begin to tell you. I didn't know where to start. Everything seems like it's all laid out for others. Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. I hate this world we live in. At least that's what it feels like. Ever feel like the world is closing in on you? Like everything in this world is out to get you for some reason. No matter how hard things were, everything kept moving. Nothing ever stopped. I think that is what bothered me the most. The fact that no matter what s**t you're going through, time does not stop. Not for you, not for anything. The world keeps turning. Time keeps ticking. People keep living.  Isn't it funny how, even when you're not exactly living, others think you are? One person's issues are non-existent to others. No matter how much something matters, it won't matter another day. Clean slates are a gimmick. They're only as true as you make it. "The library is closing in 15 minutes. Make your way out before then!" Ms Ginger shouted into the room. Followed by a row of murmurs. Putting down the pen, I closed the book, slotting the pen into the spiral before stuffing it into my bag and sliding it over my shoulder. Standing up and grabbed the stack of books resting on the table before taking them up to the front desk. "Will this be all, dear?"  I smiled at her with a slight nod to her question. Ms G was a tiny woman in her 40s. She worked at the town library. I've been coming here since my parents moved us here when I was 4. This was home.  "I've rung these up for you, sugar." "Thanks, Ms G!" I grabbed the books and headed out for the door. PING! I pulled out my phone from my jean pocket to see it was a text from my sister. Are you here? -E Shit. I was supposed to pick Erica up from the airport in 20 minutes. Stuck in traffic! Will be with you soon. -J I jumped into my car, quickly throwing the books and my phone in the passenger seat. "s**t. s**t. Shit." I muttered under my breath as I pulled away from outside of the library. There was luckily no actual traffic so I let out a breath and put my foot down on the road. Canary Falls is a small town about 30 minutes outside of the city. The airport, fortunately, was not too far of a drive away from here. I was almost there when I got a call. The screen on the car displayed Erica. I answered on the steering wheel dial. "Hey E!" "Julie! Where the hell are you?" "I'm literally pulling into the car park. Are you out of baggage claim?" "Yeah, I'm waiting outside." "s**t, I'm so sorry!" "Which car park are you in? I'll start making my way." "Car park B, ground floor by the elevator." "I'll see you in 5." Erica hung up before I could say bye. She was not happy. It was just my stupid luck, she always takes a long time in customs so I usually end up waiting half an hour for her to come out. The one time I'm actually late, she's out and waiting for me. I leaned my head on the steering wheel. Suddenly, the past hour felt hectic. I've been sitting in the library pretty much all day. I can't believe I forgot Erica was back today. She's been away for 2 months on a work trip to Toronto. A tap on the window took me out of my thoughts. I looked up at the passenger side to see Erica standing there. I jumped out of the car and rounded the hood to give her a bear hug.  "Erica!" I missed her.  Her arms wrapped around me. "Hey, Jules." We stood there for a minute longer. "You ready to go?" I asked her, grabbing one of her suitcases, and wheeling them to the boot of the car. "Yeah. I'm so tired!" Yawning on cue. Handing me her other suitcase. "Get inside and move the books to the backseat. I'll be right there." I put the last of her stuff in the back before climbing onto the driver's seat. "Do you have a college project due?" I screwed my face up at her question, so she rephrased. "What's with all the books Julie?" She sighed. "Oh!" Recognition flashed across my face. "I've been at the library. I've got a paper due." "Seriously? Haven't you only just started this week?"  "I have, but it's the last year of college and I want to get my uni prep done before Christmas so I can just enjoy the end of the year." I saw Erica shuffle in her seat from my peripheral vision. "Jules, it's only college. Uni is when you have to step up. You're 18, you need to go out and have fun. Enjoy life a bit." "Isn't that what uni is for though?" "Well, sure, for most people. But unlike most people, you're not going to waste away your first year drinking and partying, then spending the next 2-3 years catching up." I opened my mouth to protest but she didn't let me get a word in. "So for you, you need to let loose now before it's too late and you don't get to enjoy being a kid. You can drink, so go and drink. Make out with boys and hate yourself the next morning." I know she has a point, but the words that came out next were lame and she knew it too. "I have a boyfriend."  I felt her roll her eyes. "OK, so don't make out with boys," she sighed. "But a little flirting never hurt anybody."  I snapped my head towards her to find Erica smirking at me. "Eyes on the road, kiddo. I'm gonna have a nap. Wake me up when we get there." She leaned her head further into the headrest and shut her eyes. "'Cause with all this traffic, we might be a while." By the tone of her voice, I knew she was smiling. She knew I had forgotten about her coming back today because when I looked on the other side of the motorway, it was clear. Busted. *-* Erica was out cold by the time I pulled into our drive. Mum was at work until 10 pm. I looked over to see the clock on the dash read 19:43. I guess it'll be just us for a few hours. Killing the ignition and unbuckling the seatbelt, I turned to look at Erica, nudging her slightly. She isn't a heavy sleeper, neither of us are, but given she was practically drooling on the window, I'd say she was pretty tired from the flight. "Erica, wake up. We're home." I whispered.  When she didn't move, I tried again with a poke. She stirred but didn't wake up.  "For f**k's sake," I muttered under my breath. "Here goes nothing." I got out and rounded the car, opening the passenger door slightly so her head would fall off from resting on the window. As her head dropped, her eyes flew open and she jerked up on the seat. "What the f**k, Julie?" She tried to shout but her voice was hoarse. Her eyes were wide, staring at me like I had 3 heads. "You said to start living, right?" I winked at her. "We're home, Eri." Call her by the nickname I gave her when I was younger because I struggled to call her by her actual name. It stuck around.  "Jesus, I didn't know my advice was that good." She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, throwing her arms up in a stretch followed by a yawn. "Are you okay? I've never seen you this tired."  Heading inside. It was late-ish and our neighbours were boring people who were probably in bed by now. "I'm exhausted. I can't wait to sleep tonight. Toronto was great, but boy was it busy." "Well, mum's not gonna be home for a few hours yet. Did you wanna stay up or hit the hay?" "I'm gonna stay up."  Once we were inside, I took the time to look at her. Like really look at her. I hadn't seen her in 2 months and she wasn't joking when she said she was tired. She had been managing an upcoming new division in Toronto for the business and she was stretched thin. Mum's proud of her. We all are, but seeing her now, I don't think either of us realised just how exhausting it was for her. "I'm gonna get changed and then we can watch TV or something? I'm in dire need of some English bullshit." I raised an eyebrow at her, at which she chuckled. "Canadian people are great, but I miss the stupid s**t that makes us brits." I laughed at her, cooing "Aw, has someone been feeling homesick?" She flipped me off before heading upstairs to get changed. "I'm gonna make us something to eat." I shouted at her retreating figure as I made my way into the kitchen. I was looking forward to tonight. It's been a long time since the Thompson women have been under one roof. Mum would be excited to see Erica. She missed her loads. We're a small family of 3, so in one of our absences, it causes a shift in our dynamic. I made some cheese sandwiches and grabbed a few packets of crisps. All the while with a smile on my face to have the family back together again. *-*