Taste of Poison

Kabanata 7

Star

Everything seems complete not after knowing he's still alive. I was okay growing up without him. My mother raised me just fine and gave everything that I needed and wanted. I don't even know if he knows my existence so, why would I bother looking for him? A mother is enough.

If he truly loved her, he should've stayed with or without me.

"Hey, babe..." Azar greeted.

He kissed me on my lips. Binuksan niya ang pinto sa passenger seat pagkatapos. Papasok na sana ako nang bigla niya akong hinila sa braso. He looked at me intently. I stared back.

I called him to fetch me after work. So, he's here.

"We'll eat dinner at my house, is that okay?"

"That's fine..."

Binitawan din niya ako. Tuluyan na akong pumasok at siya naman ay umikot sa driver seat. He started to drive.

I left my mother's office with a troubled mind. I don't know what to react after her revelation. Bakit naman niya sinabi sa akin noon na patay na siya? She said he's hiding with my grandfather, but why? Are they criminal or what?

"Something is wrong with you," pansin ni Azar.

Binalingan ko siya. "Ano?"

"Your silence is killing me. Talk, Emory."

I took a deep sighed.

"Are your parents still alive?"

His jaw moved a bit "No why?"

Tinuon ko ang atensiyon sa unahan. "I just found out that my father is still alive. Sabi ni Mama, namatay siya noong pinanganak ako, then now she told me that he's alive and hiding."

"She lied?"

"Yes... I don't know if I should hate her because she made me believed I had no father or be thankful, thinking she did that for our sake."

"You should ask her why."

"Why?" Baling ko sa kaniya.

"So you would know what to feel."

"I don't want to know," sabi ko sa mababang boses.

"Stop torturing yourself, Emory. Hindi masama ang magtanong. Don't conclude without listening to your mother's side."

I stared at him. He's too good to be true for a f**k buddy. He actually felt like more a friend than we are. Tuloy ay naalala ko ang sinabi niya kahapon. That he also wanted me to be his friend. So I concluded that we're friends but with benefits.

I smirked. "Azar, are we friends?"

"Yes, problem?"

I shrugged. "Let's stay as friends na lang kaya."

"No," he answered dangerously.

Tumawa ako. "Why?"

"Ginagalaw kita, ayokong maging kaibigan mo."

"Kakasabi mo lang na friends tayo..."

"Sa labas ng kuwarto, oo. Pero kapag nasa kama tayo, set aside our friendship."

I can't help but shook my head. "Was it your first time to be kissed?"

"What?" His lips parted.

"You heard me."

"I kissed a lot of girls before you, Emory. Just like you, I was a virgin but I'm not innocent."

Kanina lang ay iba ang pinag-usapan namin, tapos ang bilis at napunta naman sa iba pang paksa. Slowly, my smile faded when I remember him asking my fantasies. I'm sure he has fantasies, too. But it would feel awkward if I ask him that.

"Well, then..."

The talked with my mother came back again. I stared at him seriously. What if he's a vampire?

"Do you think vampires exist?" I finally had the guts to asked an obvious question. "I mean, death keeps on spreading nationwide. Pareho lang ang report at hanggang ngayon ay wala pa silang findings. But based on what I saw in movies, iyong paraan ng pagpatay ay nagagawa lang ng isang bampira."

"Animals could do that, too."

"I see them as animals. Vampires are animals in a human form, that's how I see them."

"How sure are you that it was a vampire's doing?" His voice was dark.

"Bites, missing heart, then there wasn't much blood left in them. Do you think a normal animal could brutally kill a human?"

"Witches..."

I laughed. "Naniniwala ka sa mga 'yon?"

He glanced at me. "Why not? You think vampire is real, pero mas kapani-paniwala pa na ang mga aswang ang nasa likod ng pagpatay."

"Who knows... Nothing is impossible, Az. Vampires might be real. Baka nauubusan na sila ng hayop na mapag-iinuman ng dugo, so they're here, hunting humans down."

"If they're real, what would you do?"

"Kill them. I don't think it's going to be asteroids or nuclear war that wipes us out, humans, but vampires. So it's better to kill them as soon as possible if they happen to be real," I emphasized the word human.

Bumilis ang takbo ng sasakyan, mayamaya pa ay marahas siyang pumarada sa gilid ng kalsada.

He harshly unbuckled his seatbelt, eyes pierced right into me. His eyes became dark and hallow, he swallowed hard. The white skin of his throat catches my attention as his Adam apples moved up and down.

"Why are you angry?" I breathed heavily.

"I thought of punishing you..."

My lips parted. "What did I do wrong?"

He leaned on, hands on the sides of my head. Umatras ang katawan ko pero tumama lang ito sa pinto na nasa gilid ko.

His gaze went to my lips, on my exposed neck, then back on my eyes again. My heart started to pound because he's freaking scary!

"You did nothing wrong, Emory," even his voice screams danger!

"Then... Why are you angry?" Kumurap ako. Did I trigger something?

He shook his head then slide his hand on my nape and brought my face to his. His lips touched mine and gave it a punishing kiss. I stayed still, not wanting to respond. He let go when I didn't kiss back.

"Don't talk about vampires in front of me."

Feeling confused, I asked. "Why? You should feel bad for humans, Azar. Vampires are killing them."

He went back to his seat. Pinaandar niya ang sasakyan nang hindi man lang kinabit ang seat belt. Inayos ko ang sarili.

"Unless you're a vampire... I would understand why you were angry."

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa. I kept my mouth shut when I felt like he was really angry. Kinalikot ko na lang ang cellphone ko hanggang sa makarating kami sa tirahan niya. Malamig na hangin ang bumungad sa akin nang lumabas ako sa sasakyan.

I rubbed my arm. "Can I stay overnight?"

Tumingin siya sa akin nang maisara niya ang pinto sa driver seat.

"Of course,," his voice was emotionless. Pinagmasdan ko siya na umalis.

Is he still angry? Bahagya akong tumawa at sumunod na rin, nakatingin sa likod niya. He's sporting a navy blue polo shirt and maong pants. I can't help but gulped as I studied his back. Fitted ang polo niya kaya kita ko ang bawat paggalaw ng muscles niya, then my eyes went down to his butt.

Ngumisi ako at hinabol siya. I stood beside him and brought my right hand on his butt then, squeezed its cheek.

Napaigtad siya. "Emory!"

"Your butt is so soft, Az! Like a sponge..." tinaas ko ang dalawang kamay at kunwari ay may pinisil ako sa ere.

He squints his eyes. "Are you horny?"

"What?!" nanlaki ang mata ko, binaba ko ang mga kamay. "No! It was your bum's fault! Inakit ang kamay ko!" I hate how fast I changed moods.

"Inform me if you want to touch my butt, Emory..." he pointed his heart. "Your snake hand may cause me to have a heart attack."

"Tumitibok ang puso mo?" Seryoso ang boses ko.

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin. "I'm not dead."

I nodded then, smiled. "Sure... Now, open the door for me."

Iiling-iling niya akong sinunod. Nang mabuksan ay ako pa ang naunang pumasok. I heard him groaned behind me when I slightly caressed his biceps when I passed by.

"Just tell me if you wanna f**k," I sense the frustration on his voice.

"Later, babe."

Dumiretso ako sa sala ng bahay niya. Sa hindi kalayuan ay may fireplace. Azar's house felt cozy, actually. All things in his living room have a touch of brown, it looked warm. A total opposite of him.

"What do you want for dinner?"

I turned around to face him. His arms were crossed above his chest.

"You..."

He arcs his brow. "Me?"

"You decide for me," I answered. "Magluluto ka?"

He nodded and released his arms.

"Tutulong ka?"

"Marunong ka ba? Let's just eat outside if you can't cook."

"Cooking is easy, just wait and see," aniya at lumakad na patungo sa kusina.

I watched him as he vanished, umiling ako at umupo sa sofa. Tumingin ako sa bungad ng kusina. I don't have any choice but watch him cook as he pleased. Tumayo ako para sundan siya. I saw him tying a brown apron on his back, I sat on the chair.

"Ano ang lulutuin mo?"

Tinuro niya ang mga nakahain na raw vegetables. Napangiwi ako.

"I am not a vegetarian, meat ang gusto ko. Kahit anong luto, basta karne."

"You told me to decide for you, and now that I picked these, magr-reklamo ka?"

"I changed my mind. I want pork now..."

Umiling siya at sinimulan ang mga gagawin. "You should practice healthy habits," turo niya.

Inirapan ko lang siya at tumungo sa malaki niyang refrigerator. Kumuha ako ng karne roon at binabad sa tubig.

"I want to watch the stars after dinner," I uttered. "Join me, Az..."

"No."

"What? Why? Stars are beautiful."

"They are," he stopped from cutting vegetables. "But I don't like how sky affects me."

Is he... no. Umiling ako. I never heard someone who's allergic to sky or phobia related to it.

"Okay, I'll just watch it alone." Kahit ang lonely kung isipin.

Tinulungan ko na siya sa gawain. He cooked his veggies while I worked on mine. It took me less than thirty minutes to finished cooking, even when all I did was to flip the meat back and forth in a pan with hot oil.

"What do you do for a living?" tanong ko matapos ibaba ang baso ng fresh juice.

"That's personal."

"I just want to know, baka mamaya ay lider ka pala ng sindikato bukod sa owner ka ng isang club, madamay pa ako sa illegal activities mo."

Nilapag niya ang kubyertos. "Ang dami mong dahilan, Emory. You can just say, I want to know you more, I don't want you to be just my f**k buddy, I want more than that," he mocked.

"Ang annoying mo," nasabi ko na lang.

"I'm just stating possibilities," he stared at me. "But please, do not let your heartbeat for me..."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "What's with you saying that? I will never, Az."

"We both don't deserve each other," he shrugged. "So, let's just stick to what we are now. Be friends with benefits. No commitment at all."

Tumango ako.

"You're afraid to commit, why?"

Umiling ako. "Fear is different from I'm not ready. I'm not up for heartaches. I told you, I still want to enjoy my life before I let someone own me," sabi ko at hiniwa ang pork chop.

"You can still enjoy even when you're committed. But with boundaries. Choose someone who would join you, too. A man who enjoys his life, with you as part of it and vice versa."

"I want to stay single..." I whispered.

He drank his water. "Then stay single 'till you're grey."

"How about you? Do you like the idea of being committed to someone?"

"It depends, babe. I'd love the idea if that someone is close to my heart."

My mouth went o. "So, tumitibok talaga iyang puso mo?"

I can't be wrong. Heartbeat can't be manipulated. Hindi siya katulad ng hininga na puwedeng pigilan. Still, I have to find out his real being. Is he human?

"Are you human?" I asked, doubtful.

The whole kitchen was filled with silence. My grip on the cutlery tightened as I observed his expression. He remained stern, not letting himself fall into my trap. His eyes were on mine, blank. I didn't give up.

"I'm keeping my humanity..." then I heard the glass break on his hand.

Sabay kaming lumingon doon, parehong natahimik.

"Why are you so obsessed?" He asked in a low voice.

"Obsessed what?" Umangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

"Stop what you're planning inside that beautiful mind of yours, Emory. You will not know anything."

I smirked. "You tried to dodge my question, but aren't you being defensive now, Azar? Mas pinapalala mo ang kagustuhan kong makilala ka."

"I'm a human, too, who tried to kept his humanity despite what happened in the past," I saw blood on his hand. "What were you trying to prove here, huh?"

"To know if you're a vampire," I answered truthfully.

"What made you think I'm one of them?"

I swallowed hard. Here goes the scary Azar. Just his voice alone sent chills on my spine, then now... I can't explain his dark aura surrounding me.

"Naniniwala ka sa kanila? They're just mythical creatures people enjoy. Vampires are not real," he was uttering those words while staring at me blankly.

"What if they're real? What would you do?" Naningkit ang mata ko.

"I would join them then, maybe kill humans who made vampires."

"That's impossible. Vampires are vampires, they were not made by humans."

The side of his lip rose up. "What if they were?"

"I thought they were just a myth?"

"I'm considering your nonsense belief. What if they happen to be real? Paano kung tao sila noon, pero naging bampira dahil sa kagagawan ng mga tao? What would you do?" he asked seriously.

He seems determined to know my answer. Pero wala akong narinig na ganoong kuwento tungkol sa mga bampira. They were born vampires. Paano sila gagawin ng mga tao kung sila lang din naman ang wawasak sa amin? The ancestors of vampires, their history, existence... I should ask my mother. It's too late but it's better late than never. Ang naging mali ko noon ay ang hindi ko pagtanong.

Vampires are real, but how come?

Tumingin ako kay Azar na tumayo. His hand was bleeding, may sugat iyon panigurado. Hinugasan niya ang kamay, hindi umiimik. Tanging ang agos ng tubig sa gripo ang maingay.

He said he'll join vampires and kill humans. Does that mean... if he happens to be one, he'd kill me?

"May first aid kit ka? I'll tend your wound." I offered.

He glanced at me over his shoulder. "No need."

In the end, I chose to shut my mouth. Umalis siya saglit at pagbalik ay may band aid na ang sugat niya. I was just observing him as he picked up the pieces of broken glass. He was giving me a silent treatment.

I shrugged and start cleaning the table. Naghugas ako ng pinggan bago pumunta sa sala, natagpuan ko siya sa pang-isahang sofa, nakapikit.

"If you want to watch the stars, let's just go to my room," aniya habang nakapikit.

"Huh?" Napatigil ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

Nagmulat siya ng mata. "Sabi mo ay gusto mong ma—" pinutol ko ang pagsasalita niya.

"Oo nga, pero bakit sa kuwarto mo?"

"To watch the stars..."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Bakit nga sa silid mo?"

Tumayo siya at tumalikod. "We'll f**k while watching the stars."

"Azar!" sigaw ko.

Hindi na niya ako pinansin. Dumiretso siya sa hagdan at walang lingon na umakyat. I think it's sweet stargazing with someone. Be it a friend or what. Pero si Azar, nakakaasar nga talaga siyang tunay!

Wala akong nagawa pa at sumunod na rin matapos pakalmahin ang sarili. I saw him standing in front of a room door. May dalawang kuwarto lang sa taas at magkaharapan iyon.

Bumaling siya sa akin. "You didn't answer my question."

I slightly tilted my head. "What question?"

"If vampires were made by humans, what would you do?"

Tinitigan ko siya. That was when I noticed his tired eyes. Nanghina ang tuhod ko dahil doon. He's tired, and I can feel it through his eyes. I don't know but something urged me to come near him and lock him in my arms but I stayed still.

"What would you do, Emory?" He asked again. "Would you still pick up your weapon and kill them? Kahit ang mga tao naman ang may kasalanan kung bakit tila naghihiganti ang sinira nilang buhay."

His deep dark brown eyes... are killing me. Parang hinahalukay ang kaluluwa ko sa klase ng titig niya.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at tumikhim.

"The stars..."

He took a deep breathe. "Right, stars..."

I heard the door opened then, he went inside. With my eyes on the ground, I followed him. Hindi pa man ako tuluyang nakakapasok sa silid ay hinila na niya ako at sinandal sa gilid ng nakabukas na pinto. He brought my hands and pinned them above my head using his right hand, the other one is on my waist.

I breathed heavily. Kinakapos ako ng hangin sa sobrang lapit niya.

"I might as well show you the stars you were talking about downstair..." he tilted his head on the side before lowering down to kiss me fully on the lips.

May narinig akong tunog kasabay ay ang pagdilim ng paligid. Doon ko nalaman ang dahilan kung bakit sa kuwarto niya ako niyaya.

His ceiling is filled with the constellation. They glow in the dark, I even catch a glimpse of a moon above the headboard, a big blue moon.

I smiled between our kisses and closed my eyes before answering his kisses. Damn. His lips felt so good on mine.