Come Back To Me

This is for the best, you're making the right decision. I've started repeating this out loud like a mantra because hearing it in my head stopped calming me long ago. Standing at the edge of the forest in the cold, I knew it was now or never. One foot in front of the other. It’s for the best! I thought to myself A droplet of rain hit my nose, it started with a trickle into a downpour making the smell of the forest, the ground under my feet come alive. I’ve always loved the smell of the forest and loved exploring the paths through the evergreens surrounding Northern Ridge. My breath came out in puffs of smoke and the silence of the night surrounded me as I took one last whiff of the smell of the trees and land that I've called home. I’ve played in these woods since I was old enough to walk and I think that makes what has to happen next so easy. I have maybe 10 more minutes before the next patrol starts and after that, it'll be too late. They'll never let me leave pack lands. I'll be taken straight to my dad and the Alpha and that can't happen. Tonight is the night that Raj takes over as Alpha from his dad. He waited so long for this day and he deserves it. I wish that I could be there among his friends and family- cheering him on as he receives his title. This pack would be in great hands with him. You have to go, I say to myself. This is what's right. No one will accept you for the decision you made. You can't put your family through this, they don't deserve it. I picked up my duffle bag off the ground, it carried what little possessions I could fit in it and what little money I could scrounge up for this next adventure. Feeling a little flutter in my stomach, I reached down and rubbed my belly. Swelling with the little life inside of it that I decided was worth protecting even though everyone would tell me that it wasn't. It doesn't matter how this happened. The child was half mine, half me- it deserved a chance to live. The looks I got from the one person I told and her mother were enough to make the devil shy away. They didn’t approve of my choice- not a lot of people would. If word got out that I’d gotten pregnant and I decided to keep my child- everyone would have an opinion and advice to give. I constantly had people talking at me instead of to me about normal everyday things- they’d have a field day with this. No one would ever stop to listen to what I wanted or my reasoning for my decision. No one but my family, I know that. It shocked me when the person that I grew up with began to turn their back on me. Lea, my best friend, turned on me so quickly it gave me whiplash. I thought being best friends since we were born and always having each other's backs meant something but I was so wrong. Her betrayal hurt more than I could ever have imagined. To rub salt in the wound her parents forbid her from seeing me. They acted as if my condition was contagious and Lea being within sniffing distance of me would get her pregnant. My family has been my saving grace though they don't know they've kept me grounded when all I want to do is fade away. After trusting someone I thought would be there for me and getting stabbed in the back, I fell into a very bad case of depression. My mom would make me extra special meals, my brother would take me to trainings with him and just sit with me when it got too bad, and My dad (my anchor keeping me grounded) sat on my bed every time I woke up crying and he’d stroke my head and stay by my side until I drifted off. I thought of telling them all so many times. They’d be pissed, no doubt, but they would be by my side through this. My father is the Beta of Northern Ridge and can command those under him to fall in line but that would mean he'd have to know and I couldn't do that. It would do nothing but make things worse for everyone. The most my fathers' position would do is ensure that the gossip didn't get past my best friend's family. They wouldn't want to piss off a high-ranking member of the pack so they kept it to themselves anyway. I was left to carry the burden of my choice alone - until I couldn’t anymore. A couple of days ago I stood to lose everything. They were relentless and I wasn’t able to fight back. I couldn’t protect myself and the baby to my fullest abilities and they knew it. I stuck my hand into my hair, right behind my ear, and rubbed my finger over the indention made by a boot. "I hope this patrol is easy. Margaret is hounding me about getting some work done around the house." The voice of one of the next patrol guards cut through the silence like a warning bell. “Tell me about it. Heather is begging me to have a family day at the lake.” the other guard responded. I took one last look around, taking in the view of the place I called home for the last 16 almost 17 years. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, trapping a tear that threatened to fall, and then took a deep breath- this is it. One last thing I have to do and then I’ll be able to start my life over again- far away from here. "I, Olivia Nikolova, renounce my position in the Northern Ridge Pack and henceforth and forevermore accept the life of a rogue wolf. Until the time in which my former Alpha and Luna welcome me back home or I become a standing member of another pack."... Though I knew after this they never would. Alpha Robin and Luna Marie thought of me like the daughter they never had. They were kind souls in a sea of monsters before and more importantly after the incident a couple of months back. My mom and dad, Lani and Aleksi, are the beta couple of Northern Ridge and best friends with the Alpha and Luna. My brother, Andre, and I were raised alongside their three children, Rajesh, Malachi, and Micha. Since they had all boys and Luna Marie was unwilling to try again for a girl they treated me like one of their own. They treated Andre the same so we ended up spending a ton of time at their house. I grew close to their boys and to them. There were a lot of vacations, sleepovers, and dinners spent together. The baby is doing somersaults in my belly and I’m just now realizing that I won’t be able to be a part of any of that anymore. It will be me and the baby from now on, all alone. I didn’t let myself think of it before because I knew that It would sway my decision but I’m thinking of it now. It hurts but it’s the right thing to do… For everyone. Loud howls pierced through the night and my thoughts- sending a shiver up my spine. Another howl followed then another, and another, and another. They figured it out that took less time than I thought. They felt my connection to the pack sever. There's no turning back now. “I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry Alpha Robin.” I said through clenched teeth. I didn’t anticipate the pain I’d feel when the connection was broken. It felt like being punched in the stomach and the wind being knocked out of me. When I could finally catch my breath I reached into my bag and took out my phone. Taking one last look at the family photo. My mom, dad, brother, and I all sat on a picnic blanket smiling and laughing. That was the day before everything turned to s**t. My mother insisted that we have a picnic right before the summer break ended and all the winter weather prevented us from enjoying it. We were all still tired from her “family morning hike” but the look on her face gave us renewed strength. It was one of the last happy memories I have of my family. Another little kick brought me out of my sadness. "You're right, we have to go." I snapped the phone in half, letting the broken pieces fall to the ground then walked out of Northern Ridge territory and onto the path towards the bus stop. Halfway into my walk, I could hear the sound of wolves' paws pounding against the dirt and voices from behind me. They sent out the trackers, s**t! Trackers are wolves that have a keen ability to track and hunt down people with their scents. I may not be connected to the pack anymore but they can still follow my scent. s**t! How did I not think of that! I took off running. The bus stop came into view and it seems like I showed up right on time. The bus stopped in front of the bench and its doors swung open. There was only one other person waiting for the bus and I knew the second she got on the bus doors would shut. The doors to the bus opened and right before she got up she sprayed herself with some perfume. I could smell it from where I was. That’s it! If I ran through that then my scent would be masked. I pushed myself to run faster. I burst out of the woods and got to the door right as they were shutting- making sure to go through the mist of perfume she left behind. I banged on the door. The driver rolled his eyes and then looked over at me. I pulled my ticket out of my pocket and put it against the glass of the door. He reached over and opened the door. I got on just as a person came out of the woods. I pulled my hood over my head and handed the bus driver my ticket. Banking on the fact that it was dark and the exhaust from the bus masked my scent. He handed it back and told me to take my seat. I went straight to the back and slumped into a seat. Whew.! Thank god! Remembering the person who came out of the woods, I peeked out of the window. Raj.. Rajesh stood there looking around and then took off down the road going the opposite direction of the bus. I don't know how but with sheer luck, I got away. I pulled out the burner I purchased two weeks ago and turned it on to confirm my stay in the hotel I chose until I found a job. Once that was done I turned the phone back off and sat back. I must've fallen asleep because the bus came to a stop and the bus driver was giving instructions about where the closest food place was and the closest hotels. I grabbed my bag and hopped off the bus. "I can't believe you slept for over 8 hours. You must have been exhausted." The voice came from behind me and I turned to see the girl who got on the bus before me. "Oh... Yeah. I've been so tired lately..." It didn't feel right to tell her about the baby. Not after the reaction, I got the last time I told people. I think I'll keep it to myself until that's no longer an option. "How far along are you?" she asked and readjusted her bag on her shoulder. What the hell? My breathing went into overdrive. How did she know that? "Hey?! It's okay... You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.'' She tried to reassure me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths in and out. "I'm sorry. It just wasn't a great situation for me the last time I told someone. How did you know?" I may as well be honest since she seemed to know. "You kept rubbing your belly on the bus... I figured you were either seriously hungry or pregnant. I'm glad I was right or this would have been a lot more awkward." I laughed and it felt so strange but so good. I haven't laughed for months, not since the incident. "Yeah. Thank god you were right. Though you would have been right either way. I'm starving." Lately, I've been so hungry that I'm surprised I could still fit into my clothes with how much I've been eating. My werewolf appetite didn't help with matters either. Naturally, wolves have a very high metabolism and an extreme appetite so being a pregnant werewolf had its concerns. "The bus driver mentioned a diner down the street. Wanna walk there together? I'm starving too." A diner! I could already smell the syrup dripping off the side of my chocolate chip waffles and taste the sausage mixed in with my grits. My stomach grumbled and the girl from the bus, I still haven't gotten her name, laughed. "I hear you little one. We'll get you some food." I said with a giggle. She looped her arm through mine and we started walking in the direction that the driver mentioned. "I'm Olivia. You?" I introduced myself. "I'm Darcie." We walked the rest of the way to the diner in silence. I felt a little kick in my stomach and rubbed the spot. Yup.. This is home buddy. We're home and safe. Mommy will make sure we stay that way. I promise.