Choosing August

Chapter 6

I ended up back in my room and finished the project.

Afterward, I tried to put everything away—not just the laptop and notes, but the rest of it too. Bryson. Titus. Cal. Kelly. The lake. The stupid conversation. All of it.

I wanted my mind to be quiet.

It wasn’t.

Before I went to bed, my phone went off.

Bryson.

Hey.

I stared at it for a second before replying.

Hi.

His response came quickly.

Don’t do that.

What?

Be so formal.

I rolled my eyes.

Hey, Bryson. What’s up?

Now you’re just being an ass.

I smirked despite myself.

Nah. You just want my ass.

Then another message appeared.

Careful. She checks my phone. I have to be careful saying stuff like that.

The smile disappeared.

Fine. Okay.

Don’t be mad.

A moment later:

What are you doing?

Getting ready for bed. Probably going to get up in the morning and walk so I can stop being so chubby.

There was a pause.

Yeah. I’m sorry about that.

Well, I guess I’m not really chubby. I’m husky.

He sent an angry reaction emoji.

Seriously? You’re upset about that?

It was a wonderful way to describe me.

I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry she even went there. I’m sorry you had to see us.

I looked at the screen.

Yeah. I’m glad the light bulb got fixed, though. You were definitely going to do a better job than the resident assistants.

The typing bubble appeared immediately.

Can you please stop? I don’t want to fight.

Fine. I’ll keep my frustrations to myself.

He took longer to answer this time.

I can come over. Maybe stay the night with you?

I should have wanted that.

Part of me did.

The rest of me already knew how it would go.

What’s the point? She’ll call at some point and want to talk for hours while I lie there listening to you. Or she’ll demand you come over and stay with her.

He went quiet.

The message sat there, read but unanswered, until finally another one appeared.

Don’t do this, Augie. Please.

I stared at it for a long moment.

Fine. Have a good night, Bryce.

Then I added:

Am I still allowed to call you that?

His reply came quickly.

Why? Of course. Why wouldn’t you be?

Because I’m not the only person who calls you that anymore.

He read it.

He didn’t respond.

I knew I had made him mad.

I went to sleep anyway.

There was no message from Bryson the next morning.

Not from him, at least.

Cal had texted me.

Did you have a good night? I liked hearing from you yesterday.

I sat up in bed and read it twice.

It was okay. Not exactly what I wanted, but it was fine.

Do you want to talk about it?

I hesitated.

Do you have time?

His answer came almost immediately.

Not really.

I stared at the screen.

Then no. I don’t need to talk about it.

He sent a laughing reaction.

Come on. I’m sure it’s not that crazy.

No. It’s not.

It wasn’t crazy.

It was only that I was dating someone in secret who couldn’t acknowledge me.

Only that I had no one I could tell I was gay.

Only that when I got treated badly, I had no one to vent to. No one who could hear the whole story. No one who could tell me whether I was asking for too much or settling for too little.

Nothing crazy.

I sighed.

Again.

Apparently, sighing was the one thing I was getting really good at lately.