Unsaid words

As she sit on that chair, Looking at those childhood pictures. she realise how far she has came, that cute little girl has became a mature girl. She did tried but didn't died, she speaks to herself thankyou for not giving up, I'm proud of you. But somehow, she also think about death alot, particularly when she is alone and think about her childhood. She was not an orphan but she never really had a parent. when she was 6 years her parents were separated, ever since she had the ability to think she always saw her father and mother fighting, Her father hitting her mother. Both use to consume alcohol and her father used to doubt her mother and for that reason they used to fight, Poor she what can she do if she goes to help her mother her father used to hit her also, she could do nothing except crying. This was like continuous routine of her father and mother she used to think like is every spouse are like this or only her parents are like this? and two years passed like that and suddenly her father transfer letter came, she was excited for the new beginning of her life, she was curious about exploring new things, new cities. She also thought that after going to a new city her parents would stop the violence but nothing changed. They stayed in room paying monthly rent and her father and mother used to fight alot, many times even the house owner scolded them but they were never guilt for doing that. she was in Class 3 when her parents finally seperated but after that the real pressure starts her father and mother both wanted to keep her but she just wanted to live happily; no one tried to understand her. After coming from the court she straightly goes to washroom and tried harming her self that was when she first had felt anxiety attack. After a lots of days of going to court the court finally decided to give his father the permission to keep her till the age of 18 years, But she wasn't happy with this decision as a child she wanted her mother to be with her too but god's decision. After that her mother and father both got married to a new person both wanted to start a new life with a new person but during that process they forgot that they also have a child. Her father married a widowed women who already had three children it was so hard for her to accept her as her mother but her father forced her to call that women mother and she really did so. At first one year that women was really good person but as many year passes she started showing her true side. That innocent little girl was tortured in daily basis and her father could do nothing about that. she tolerated all that because of her father. Oneday she really miss her mother and decides to meet her and goes to met her. Her stepmother however knew about that and complained her father and her father was really angry and even when she came back home he hit her; from that day she started hating her step mother she felt like a jail in her own house she decided to kill herself many times but nothing worked. And after some year Her step mother also leaves her father and she felt a little relief, and after that her father also allowed her to met her own mother, and after some day her father started living alone and she used to live with her brother and currently She is about to finish her high school. she didn't really knows how it feels to be a daughter. She is even afraid to love someone because of her parents. oh how she survived. And now Today she is questioning herself don't i deserve love? Don't i deserve care? am I that hard to love? but after all the happening she never really had a courage to open up about her past so she keeps those things in her unsaid words behind her smile. So much more was said in the unsaid