Safe Haven

As I close my eyes and gave into the devil's temptation, I felt the warmth that once kept me going, now slowly fading. I remember laughter, kindness, and peace but I also remember the cries of pain, anger, and chaos. Not a day goes by that I didn't regret what I did, It followed me everywhere, even in my dreams it haunted me. I held even tighter on my jacket but the warmth was already gone, replaced by the coldness of loneliness. Everything was fine. We were all happy. Laughter filled the air along the sweet singing of my sister. The cold wind blew a kiss on my cheek as we all laughed and played like little kids. My cousins just got back from America and are now visiting us for the season. We told of stories of our past up to the funniest and stupidest decisions we've made. A few of us had our hearts broken while others lose a few precious golden memories. We all grew up, matured, changed... I was already getting tired with all the pretending. We laugh but it wasn't genuine. We smiled but it was forced. Tension rise each time we bump into each other. It was inevitable. I made my choice and so did they. We were all the same but still different. They say blood is thicker than water but now that saying no longer means anything to our family. It hurt when they chose money over me. It hurt when they gave me away. We were happy. We lived a life of wealth. My Dad was the founder of a company which I would have one day taken over. My mom was a model. Agency after agency came and offered her opportunities which she would gladly accept. Each night my family and I would have a time to bond. We sat on the living room floor, where soft pure cotton pillows and blankets were sprawled on our marbled floor. My older sister and brother would always argue on who gets the remote while mom and dad would only watch with amusement in their eyes. There was a time when my brother accidentally tripped, while my sister chased him around the living room. He tripped on a pillow and fell, faced first on the floor. We all burst out laughing when he stood up with a toothy grin saying he was alright. What he didn't know was one of his front tooth came off. We were so happy, so full of life. Until one day, tragedy struck us unknowingly. My Dad's most trusted employee went missing, leaving a debt worth billions. Dad started working twenty-four hour a day. At first we didn't care. It was only a few billions but later on we had to cut short on our expenses. He said it was only temporary, just until the debt was payed. Each month that passed, our expenses went shorter and shorter. My dad lost the company, My sister had to get a job and so did my brother, Mom started to stress eat which later on cause her to bloat. The agencies my Mom went to started losing interest in her. Saying she was too old, too fat, or that they needed new faces for their product and as for me, well I need to stop going to school. Each passing day my Mom and Dad would argue, they would enter my dad's office in our house so my siblings and I won't hear them but still it made no difference. One day we had to move out. Dad said it was only because he was tired of having a big house but I wasn't that ignorant to believe him. We lost our house because I knew our business was now permanently gone. My mom started getting depressed and brother, sister and Dad were rarely home from work. Our once happy family has now turned chaotic, what was once a dream now turned into a nightmare. 5 years later, after our company's downfall, My whole family, extending to aunts, uncles, cousins and many other relatives, came and had a meeting at our living room; the only exemption was me. I was sent to my room. They wouldn't allow me listen nor participate. They've done this before but my older siblings were with me. They didn't know about the small hole on my bedroom floor, just perfectly above the living room. They didn't know that I could hear their voices, loud and clear. They didn't know, I knew. At first all I could hear were buzzing noises but later on, I heard a door slam shut, silencing everyone. Through the hole, I could make out a man. Tall, white, wrinkly, old... But despite his looks he still walked with power and authority. Everyone kept quiet. No one was to brave to speak first. They were like wolves waiting for their leader's order. "Good evening." the old man spoke. His voice held the authority he was emitting when he entered the room plus a thick accent I couldn't make out. "Papa..." My Dad's Italian accent was thick and never before heard by my very own ears, until now. He walked closer to the old man, but before he could go near him, a stingy ring echoed the room. "How dare you confidently show your face to me, when you are the sole reason why we're in this mess. You should have been locked up with your daughter upstairs, yes?" Dad held his red stinging cheeks as he hung his head in shame. Everyone stayed quiet. All I could hear was the old man's heavy, angry breathing. After a while someone finally spoke, but with a quiet voice. "The fall of Ruvio's company damaged a big part of our Family's business and our investors are slowly backing out ... Plan A didn't work... I suggest we do plan B..." an aunt of mine suggested. She wore a funny red feathery hat as always. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!" Mom screeched. "don't you want to live a life of wealth again, Rosa?" she raise a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at Mom. Don't do it mom... Don't sell me... For a while, Mom stood still, blinking every now and then. "She has a point, Rosa..." the old man spoke. Everyone's eyes in the room landed on my Mom, waiting for her final decision. . "OKAY" That day broke me. After they're meeting Mom and Dad came to my room to tell me the news. I told them I knew and even though it pained me, I also thought that it was for the best. My whole family were busy for the next few months. I was getting married to a woman hating, 38 year old man. He was a lot older than me, as I am still 20. "You look beautiful, Violet" My mom entered my room elegantly, a smile on her face. A smile I could never forget. I was beautiful, I admit, but I didn't feel beautiful. Inside I felt like I was an object being sold. After the wedding, My husband took me home. He tried to make love to me but I refused. That seemed to have angered him causing him to hit me. A slap on the face. My dad never raised his voice at me not even a hand, but this man. This man that I just met did. 2 year of this marriage could drive anyone crazy. Every night my husband r***s me, yes r**e, since it's was always against my will and each morning once sober, he would start beating me. He didn't let me out of the house, not even from his sight. I was right. I was only an object in his eyes. It was a hot day, when the doorbell rang. Announcing the arrival of a person I've been wanting to see. "Mom..." We hugged each other, but something did not feel right... Something felt missing in her. We went in our living room, fortunately my husband was out for work that day. "Mom, please help me... I want an annulment..." Mom's eyes widen with my sudden request. "what? Why?" she sounded disappointed but I didn't mind it. Instead, I showed her my wounded soul. Little by little, peace by peace I took of my clothes. Showing each cuts and bruises my beloved husband showered me with each day. I hope to see worry and empathy in my mom's eyes but I was confused when I saw none. Her face was blank not a hint of emotion on it. "I'm sorry, Violet, but i can't let you have your marriage annulled." My eyes widen in fear as her words echoed in my mind. "you ending this marriage would only destroy the company once more, we'll lose the company and this time we may not be able to take it back..." and with those words she left. She left in a hurry, that she didn't see the hurt in my eyes nor the betrayal. My only hope... Gone... "So... Why not just kill your husband? poison him?" A friend jokingly suggested. My so called FRIENDS came to visit me at my house. My husband won't let me leave, I'm like a prisoner in my own house. "Marie has good point..." another laughed. I know they were just joking but I couldn't think of it that way, instead I thought of it as a plan. "Well, that is a good idea..." I smiled at them while drinking my cup of coffee. They all turned blinking eyes at me, laughter died down. "oh, I'm just joking guys!" I teased. They let out uncertain laughters as they to took a sip on their cup of teas and coffees . For a few weeks my mind had been battling with my heart. Should I or shouldn't I? This internal battle had gone nowhere but the day came when I finally had enough. My husband came home drunk just like every night, but this night was different. His eyes held lust like no other, he kept uttering another woman's name and this hurt my ego as a wife. The next morning I woke up, my body ached with all the hits I've receive last night when I refused to do what he wanted. I stood and felt something warm trickled down my legs, I looked down and saw blood. I held my mouth as devastation washed over me. Knowing, I had lost the only thing that kept me going. I was almost a month in. My baby . A few weeks later, I entered my room to find my husband. Lifeless on the floor. I should have called the police, I should have ask for help, but I didn't. I stared at his lifeless body, sprawled on the floor along with my beloved family. Their lifeless eyes stared back at mine, condemning me to hell. I walked over up to each one of my Family and kiss them on their cheeks. "You should have stayed out of my way..." I whispered to their ears. I smiled at them one last time before looking out the window. The clanging of locks brought me back. I stared from my room's window to the gray, icy, metal door opening, showing a woman in white, cautiously entering my room. "how are you doing, Violet?" she ask, smiling stiffly. "I'm fine" I cheerfully replied. With difficulty, I sat up on my bed. "That's good..." "yeah...because I'm free! I'M FREE! I'M FREE!" her eyes widen in fear as she stared at me. I started to struggle in my tight white jacket as it kept me from reaching out to her. I just wanted to hug her, I just wanted to go outside. I saw the nice woman take out something small and pointy but before I could go anywhere near her, I was already pinned back on my bed. I struggled once again. Whoever was on top of me was heavy but I didn't mind it. I was free and that's all that matters. A smile grew on my lips as I felt a small prick on my arm then the weight on me was gone, and before I lost consciousness, I could see my family with smiles on their face but their eyes were cursing me, condemning me to a life of misery. But that didn't matter because... Finally... I was free...