This Isn't Just Pretend

Chapter 12 : Breakdown

We were in front of the hotel before I finally broke down, my anger leaving me and panic taking over. We were on the sidewalk and suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. My breaths were short and inefficient. It hurt to breathe.

Tears started to fog my eyes as I accidentally dropped everything that I carried in my arms. She knew where I was. Breeda knew where I was, meaning that soon, everyone else would as well. My panicked breaths were making it hard to stand and were making me light-headed.

“Mira, mira, look at me,” I heard Sebastian’s voice.

“S-se-seb,” I sobbed out, letting him support my weight as he held me.

“Let’s get inside, Mira. Breath. Slow, deep, in and out,” he was talking me through breathing as he quickly picked up everything I had dropped and guided us towards the elevators in the resort.

I was still hyperventilating as Sebastian supported most of my weight. Hot droplets of water were spilling down my face as I struggled to breathe, and Sebastian just kept talking to me. Telling me to breathe. Telling me that I would be alright. He managed to get us to the elevators without too much of a scene, and then he just wrapped his arms completely around me and rocked us back and forth.

“I’m here, Mira. I’m here. You’re okay. You’re safe. We’re safe. We’re okay,” he whispered to me. His voice and his warmth was enough to calm my sobbing slightly. “I’m going to carry you to the room, okay? Then we can get you into a bath and we can talk about it,” he whispered to me.

I nodded my acceptance. He bent down slightly to hook one of his arms under my knees while his other remained behind my back and picked me up bridal style, while he was still carrying all of the beach equipment. The elevator dinged and I buried my head into Sebastian’s shoulder and attempted to quell my sobs further.

“Deep breaths, Mira. Remember to take deep breaths,” he continued to whisper to me as the elevator doors opened. “Just focus on breathing. That’s all you have to do right now. Focus on breathing,” he said as he began to step forward. He seemed to jerk slightly to a stop, causing me to lift my head to see Grayson.

“What’s wrong with her?” Gray asked, concern carrying in his voice.

“You invited a member of her abusive family, really? What in your mind told you that would be a good idea?” Sebastian’s voice held anger and a sense of protectiveness.

“I-I” Grayson was stumbling over his words.

“Breeda. Ring a-” I hiccuped, “any bells?” Grayson’s face went almost ghost white.

“You never told me they--” Gray started, but I just buried my head into Sebastian once again.

“Let's go get you a bath,” Sebastian mumbled to me, his eyes leaving Grayson and focusing back on me with concern and care, ignoring Grayson’s defense of himself altogether.

He walked down the hall to the suite and managed to open the door somehow while also carrying me. He was impressive, to say the least. He walked over to the bed and gently sat me down before dumping the rest of the stuff on the floor and then he picked me up once again.

He carried me over to the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet while he began to run the bath, making sure the temperature was good before allowing it to fill with water.

“Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to go and let you have some time to calm down alone?” he questioned.

“S-stay, please,” I whispered. He nodded, quickly kissing me on the forehead.

“Next question, sweetheart, okay?” I nodded in response for him to continue. “Do you want to bathe in your bathing suit, or do you want to undress?”

“Uh- it’s probably sandy.” He nodded but was still looking at me like he expected an answer.

After a moment of quiet, he spoke again. “I need your words, sweetheart. I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Consent. He wanted to make sure I was okay, and that he wasn’t violating any boundaries. That was a weird feeling… to have someone caring about what I wanted.

“I- I’ll undress. Are… you okay with that?” I found myself asking.

“I’m fine, sweetheart. This is about you and your comfort, not about anything s****l,” he responded. That also seemed like a foreign sentiment to me. Someone wanting to care for me in a way where they didn’t want some form of… payment.

Grayson wasn’t horrible, or abusive, really. But he was always very… transaction based. Sometimes it felt like his care was just so he could get something out of me, that something being s*x.

“This is… very new to me,” I admitted. Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me, trying to get a better read on what I meant by that.

“What is, darling?” he finally asked.

“... Explicit consent and not trying to get s*x out of me.”