When We Were Drunk

Night 009

            Physical activities aren’t really my thing. Sometimes I don’t get why players tire themselves in court just to shoot or pass some freaking ball. But maybe it’s because they love what they are doing that self-fulfillment outweighs physical exhaustion.  

            I wish I could say the same for me. My P.E. class is just two units but I feel like it’s heavier than my 6-unit accounting subject.

            And P.E. class makes me do embarrassing things. I purposefully didn’t go to the rooftop yesterday because I don’t have the courage to show my face to Alfonso. I missed my daily beer because of that f*****g PE!

            Even now that I’m on the elevator on my way to the 38th floor, I’m still having second thoughts! I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I know it’s kind of embarrassing but why am I really afraid of facing him? He’s just Alfonso! I’m Margaret and I don’t get intimidated by anyone.

            You can do it, Margaret. You can’t just give up your favorite rooftop just because you’re shy! Just act like nothing happened yesterday and you’ll be fine.

            The elevator door opened and I stepped outside. While walking, I keep on reminding myself to act like nothing happened. I know Alfonso and he’s gonna tease me to death but I can beat him by pretending. I got this.

            When I reached the door, I took a deep breath.

“You got this, Marg. You got this.” I whispered to myself. Ugh! I hate that I’m feeling this way.

            I held the knob and slowly twisted it. With a plastic bag in my hand, I walked inside. My eyes scanned the place and saw no familiar figure. He’s not here?

            I sat on my favorite spot and placed the bag beside me. I brought two beers only because I just wanted something to drink. We were given 30 problems and I answered them all the moment I reached my unit by 6pm. Good thing I got no schedule for work today.

            For the second time, I looked around the rooftop. I’m kind of feeling relieved that Alfonso isn’t here but there’s this thought at the back of my mind that I kept pushing back. It makes no sense that I’m feeling sad because he’s not here, right?

            My wristwatch says it’s just 11 P.M. Did he just left early or he really didn’t stop by tonight?

Is it because I ditched him last night? I know we don’t have an agreement about going here on the rooftop but what if he got upset? I mean, we’re okay yesterday so he wouldn’t feel like I didn’t go here last night on purpose right?

Fuck. Why am I even thinking about it? Again, it’s just Alfonso!

            I shook my head and just focused my attention on the beer. I shouldn’t think about him, he’s free to go here whenever he wants and it’s also his choice if he doesn’t want to.

            I drank from my can and sighed. I kinda felt a little better after one sip. A good beer really calms me down. I’ve been drinking here alone for months, I don’t really remember when exactly I started. But I do know that it’s when my life f****d up.

            I had no one, then. My parents were also grieving. I don’t want to add to their long list of problems. Alcohol isn’t really my thing before. I just drink a few shots whenever my former friends and I go to bars, or when there’s a business party.

            Maybe I was really out of my mind back then. There were a lot of thoughts running on my head, I was so close to doing something I know I’ll regret. Good thing I was able to stop myself. That’s when the idea of drinking hit me.

            People say it can help you forget for a while. So I gave it a shot, maybe it’s what I need. I first tried it on a bar and it didn’t end well. The next morning, I was crying not because of the freaking headache I got, but because I spent almost half of my allowance for the month. We are no longer rich, I can’t afford to lose all my savings just because I need to forget.

            I learned that you can also do it at home. So I bought one can of beer and tried drinking on my unit. At first, it worked. I didn’t spend much because I bought cheap alcohol drinks and I’m just at home so there will be no additional expenses.

            However, my Kuya’s memories started to haunt me. He was on my thoughts every single night. Even when I’m drinking, the alcohol seemed to lose its ability to help me forget. I love my Kuya to the point that a single reminder of him and I can no longer function well.

            That’s when I accidentally discovered the rooftop. Like my neighbors in this building, I was just going to leave some broken lamp in here. The place wasn’t very pleasing but it’s alright. And then now, I just found myself going up here every night.

            I don’t know when I’ll be able to stop drinking. I know it’s bad. I know it will give me long-term effects. But right now, it’s what I need to survive.

            I took another sip from my can and just stared at the nightsky. The moon looks lonely tonight, there were stars but not a lot. I was so used to seeing a lot of stars that it’s really noticeable whenever there’s just a few of them.

            Maybe the stars were actually there but some of them don’t give off lights. Maybe they needed a break, too. They just can’t shine everyday and not get tired. The longer I look at them, the more I see the similarity of stars and human.

Some days we are bright, some days we are dull. But that doesn’t mean we are no longer ourselves, maybe we just need to take a rest to regain our brightness. 

            “You look like a lost puppy right there.”

            Am I hearing Alfonso? I wasn’t even done with my first can and I’m already imagining him speaking? Tsk. I’m used to drinking alone so why do I feel a little lonely right now?

            “What? You’re just gonna ignore me?”

            I raised my brows when I heard footsteps. Even though there’s a fat chance he’s here, I still turned around and was shocked to see him walking towards me. Is he really here?

            He smiled as he sat next to me. I watched him get the last can from my plastic bag then he opened it. “I forgot to buy beers, let me have this okay?” Without waiting for my response, he lifted the can and slowly drank from it.

            I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I was just staring at him. I don’t know how to react right now. Why is he suddenly here?

            “Marg, hey,” he waved his palm in front of my eyes. “Am I that handsome tonight that you’re just staring at me?”

            That’s when I snapped back to reality. I glared at him and said, “In your dreams, Esquivel.” I took a sip from my can and cursed myself in my head. What was that, Marg? Why the heck did I allow myself to stare at him openly? Stupid, Margaret!

            He laughed and looked at his watch. “It’s already late. Why are you still here?”

            “I missed my beer yesterday so I need one tonight,” I cooly said.

            “Why didn’t you go here last night then? You left me alone with the mosquitos, Marg. I thought we are friends,” he said as he acted hurt.

            I nervously chuckled. “Well…uh…I was tired so I went straight to bed.”

            He looked at me and raised his brows. “Really? I was the player yet I managed to go up here last night.”

            “I’m not as strong as you, you know.” 

“Maybe I should try being the scorer next time, then. I guess it’s more exhausting than playing basketball?” He smiled knowingly.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever makes you happy.”

He just laughed at me. We both took a sip from our can, I avoided his eyes ‘cause he was looking straight at me for some reasons. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and adjusted his wristwatch. I noticed then that he wasn’t wearing our uniform or his usual casual get up, he’s on a very decent long-sleeved polo and black slacks. He even has a necktie!

I can’t believe I’m saying this but he looks good in a formal attire. It’s really unfair that everything he wears just suits him. Or maybe it’s just because he’s goodlooking.

He noticed me staring at him and he smirked. He just caught me staring at him! In my head I was already panicking because how can I be so stupid for the second time tonight?

But I decided to play it cool. So I put on a smirk on my face and teased him, “You look awful.”

He grinned. “Yet you still took a picture with me. I’m so flattered, Margaret.”

I mentally face-palmed. I knew it. There’s really no way he’s not gonna bring up what happened yesterday. It’s not like he can just forget something like that. Of course he’ll remember it. I wish he wouldn’t, though.

“It was a requirement, Esquivel. As if I would take a photo with you,” I scoffed.

Stupid P.E. teacher wasn’t contented on forcing us to participate in the practice game for the upcoming intramurals; he even wanted us to take a picture with a player as proof for our attendance.

I was the assigned scorer for the match between the College of Science and College of Education, imagine my shock when I saw Alfonso entering the gym in his jersey.

 “Really?” He gulped from his can. “There were other players, Marg. But you chose me.”

I really want to wipe off that stupid smile on his face right now. But damn it, he looks so happy that his face is lighting up in the dark.

“I have no choice,” I reasoned. And it’s the truth. Even if we’re somewhat close, I wouldn’t take a picture with him if I have other options. It’s just that I don’t like how the other players looked at me that day, I know I did a terrible thing but I can’t stand the judgment in their eyes.

            Suddenly, he brought out his phone from his pocket. He smiled as he focused on the screen of his cellphone. I think I already know what he’s looking at. Sigh.

            “You look cute here,” he said as he showed me the photo. Rephrase that, “our photo”. I was wearing my P.E. uniform which is a shirt and shorts above the knee and I wasn’t smiling. I even look annoyed in the photo because Alfonso was pinching my right cheek to force me to smile. He looked so happy in the photo that I found myself smiling as well.

            Now that I’m looking at it…I gotta admit it’s actually a cute photo.

It was already embarrassing when I asked him if I could take a photo with him but it was even worse when he asked someone to take a photo of us. Half of my class actually asked him for a picture and I waited until everyone was done before I went near him.

When he saw me waiting for him, he teased me so much that I almost walked away without a picture. Good thing he stopped so I took a quick selfie with him.

“But you’re more cute in here,” he smirked as he showed me another photo. My eyes went wide when I saw who’s in the photo. I tried to snatch his phone from him but he was so quick.

“Alfonso, please, just delete that!” I pleaded.

And that’s the most terrible and embarrassing thing that happened yesterday. It outshined the embarrassment I felt when I asked him for a photo or when he asked his teammate to take our picture.

I am not used to being shy. I’m usually confident. But I don’t know why I am suddenly feeling small in front of him.

It was a picture of me almost lying down on the floor. Because I was so adamant on getting out of the gym after our photo, I didn’t see the sign saying that the floor was wet. Apparently, the janitor just mopped that spot. Guess what happened…I slipped.

He laughed and shook his head. “Nope. Not a chance.”

To be continued…