will you make me your's?

dreams of her

A normal child.

One who is not constantly moving every six months.

One who is cheerful and doesn’t really have to worry about disappointing her mom and is just free.

One who just gets to hang out with her friends without worrying that one day she might leave them and without a good bye at that.

One who doesn’t have to worry about her mother tearing her skin with a sharp piece of glass every moment she sees her.

One who doesn’t have to worry about her mother passing out on the floor because she is drunk to oblivion.

One who doesn’t worry about hiding her scars from the rest of the people as she doesn't have them.

One who doesn’t have to distance herself from children her age because she is scared she will get to hurt them one day either by her mother or her leaving abruptly.

Why didn’t I live a normal life? Why did we have to keep on moving from one place to another?

Sometimes it feels like my mother is running from something. Her constant drinking till she was numb made me suspect even further. From what she was running from exactly I had no idea. Maybe it was just that after all. A feeling.

All this was weighing down on me making me feel a little empty what was the point of life why keep on living? I don't really know how to feel about living right now my chest is heavy with unshed tears.

I just lay my head on the window next to me as I feel the smooth breeze against my face and watching as trees rushed by us. As a bird perched up on a tree flies away. I wish I could just be that. Free but am not. I close my eyes and slowly drift off feeling the anger and guilt slowly be lifted as I slowly drifted off to my safe place to a place where it was all laughters and smiles.

The smell of grandmas cooking is a euphoriah for me and her smile, her laugh is a comforting sound lulling me to a deep peaceful sleep.

My mother, always smiling a foreign thing to me now I don’t recognise her it seems forced and fake but I will welcome it because why not? I like this version of her better.

The fields of flowers filled with a beautiful scent and the breeze that accentuate the smell of the flowers. I love the colors the yellow and orange blend perfectly with the setting sun. I like the feel of the earth below my feet moist feels like I am reconnecting with nature. I draw in a long breath noting how fresh and how good it feels as it enters my lungs. I smile in content. This is what nature feels like.

I slowly peer my eyes open adjusting them to the little light coming from the street light that was three metres to my right and scan my sorroundings.

We are parked at a parking lot filled with cars and from my periphery the street is empty devoid of any form of life. It is so quiet I am tempted to scream into the night.

I must have slept longer than I intended to judging by the full moon outside. Why are we even parked here?, my mother is nowhere in sight. Why would she leave me in the middle of the street in the car while I was sleeping? I could basically be kidnapped here out in the open or worse I muse. I don’t even want to think about it, I will just go look for her maybe we are already at our new home.