My Love

SHE STILL couldn't process everything. Erin Jung couldn't believe and accept that her loving and caring parents were gone in a snap. They were still so happy a day before she woke up into the news of their passing. She couldn't believe that they were gone just that. They were good people, why did they were taken from her that early? Just when she decided to make everything right and make her parents proud, they were taken from her even before she could do so. She still wanted to see her parents' smiles when she would climb up the stage once she graduate college. She still wanted them to see her be successful and build her own family. She still wanted them beside her because she didn't know how to live without them. The cold wind of November blew, rustling the trees and making the leaves fall into the ground. The sky was covered with nothing but dark clouds, the bright sun was no where in sight. A thunderclap followed a strike of lightning in a blink of an eye. It was raining too hard but Erin didn't seem to care. Her frail body was shivering with the cold, given that all she was wearing was a sheer fabric dress with no jacket at all. She knew she could get sick but she didn't care, she stopped caring anymore now that the reason why she cared for herself and for the people around her was gone. She used to be afraid of the lightning, she feared the roaring sound of thunder. But she wasn't afraid of it now that she didn't have someone to run into when she got scared. She lost the people who would comfort her and give her warm hugs on cold weather like this. In loving memory of their sweet daughter. She couldn't bear to read the names of her parents engraved on their grave. She couldn't accept that they left her. She couldn't accept that she didn't die with them. She was once so lost, but her parents found her, and now they were gone, she didn't know what to with her life. She might as well be considered dead for her eyes mirrored how lifeless she was. She lost them, the reason why she was still fighting. The rain might have hid her tears, but her red puffy eyes couldn't fool anyone who could see her. She thought she cried all her tears when she found out they were dead. She thought she could cry no more, but she was wrong. She still had many tears to cry and she was already tired. Tired. So tired. "Mom, Dad, I love you," she whispered weakly in the air, hoping that they would hear those words that she hadn't said to them before. If she knew they would be taken from her that early, she should've told them everyday how much she loved them. Regrets do come at the end. Even if she felt her body growing weak, she still managed to walk for around an hour to arrive at her apartment. She wanted to go to their home but she couldn't bear to step into that place which held so much memories of her parents. Everyone who saw her looked at her with pity, and she hated it. She didn't need their pity, she needed her parents back. She surprisingly got home safe even after all of the canned beers she drank, she couldn't believe she hadn't got hit by a car on her way. She opened the door of her apartment, not even wondering why it was open when she securely locked it before she left. She fell into the floor when she was suddenly hugged by someone. "Erin! Where the hell were you?! I was so worried about you!" She then heard sobs. She tucked the strands of her long black hair that were covering her face to look at her crying friend. "I couldn't contact you, I thought something bad happened to you already!" Bad was an understatement to desribe what happened to her. Losing her parents was the worst, not just bad. She weakly pushed the girl on top of her to sit up. "Where the hell was I? Babe, I was on hell, actually." She chuckled humorlessly at her joke. "I was so worried about you, Erin," the girl, just about Erin's age, whispered weakly. She couldn't stand seeing her friend like this. "I am not worried about myself so you shouldn't, too, okay? And nothing happened to me. I got home in one piece." She motioned her body. "Now stand up because I want to have a nice and warm bath." She got out of her bedroom dressed in her comfortable pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt. She was drying her long hair with a towel as she walked her way to the kitchen. Her friend, Maria, was obviously making something for her as soon as she got a whiff of something that smelled delicious. She sat on her four seater dining table and watched her friend move in the small kitchen of her apartment. "I'm making you a porridge," Maria announced. "So you could eat something other than your instant noodles. Hell, I found many empty packs of it on your trash, haven't you eaten anything other than that?" "Hm," she pretended to be thinking, "maybe." "Gods, Erin, just tell me if you want to die early!" Maria huffed in annoyance. Uhuh, I do want to die already, Erin thought. But she wouldn't say that to her friend, she'd surely get an earful of scolding from her and she didn't need it now. All she needed was another can of beer―or maybe two, three―and a good sleep without any nightmares that could wake her up in the middle of the night. "Just finish what you're cooking, I'm already hungry," she pouted and placed her chin on her hand. Maria was hesitant on leaving her alone on her apartment. She was worried Erin would do something stupid again, she was worried of her friend's safety. But Erin insisted that she was fine, maybe she would be, she hoped so. And she regretted making her friend leave. With Maria around, she could get distracted from her thoughts, she could temporarily forget about her parents. But now she was alone, she was drowning with her thoughts and she didn't know if she could be saved. After two months, Erin finally and slowly went back on track. Maria helped her realize that her parents' wouldn't want to see her moping and not moving on with her life. She finally went back on attending the university, catching up with everything she missed with the help of her friend. She went back on her part time job to earn money again, good thing her boss understood her situation. Everything was going well for her again and she didn't know it would get even better.