The curious case of the missing Mr. Cooper

Journal entry - December 1st, 2017 I can't stop thinking about her. I know that I shouldn't be. I'm in bed with my wife right now, and I just can't stop thinking about the last day of the school year and everything that happened that day. How one thing led to another. How did it happen so fast? It's as if I had all this energy built up. Maybe I was feeling stressed out from my wife who... never mind. I guess it's not important. What happened in my office can never happen again. It was a one-time thing. A moment of weakness. So why can't I get her out of my mind? The scent of her perfume, what she was wearing when she walked in, how she slowly unbuttoned her shirt and whispered into my ear before I lost my self-control? Why can't I get the scent and the image of her glossy cherry lips out of my mind? or watching her lips part slowly as she spoke each word? Why can I not erase the feeling I got from hearing her say my name. Even thinking about it, now has my heart racing. It was like I knew what she was doing. That it wasn't right. From the moment she entered my office. I thought that a romantic surprise dinner with my wife and some slow dancing to our wedding song would erase it. I thought that doing all of this and maybe spending a night in with my wife would erase this heavy, dirty feeling I got from what happened in my office on the last day of the school year. But it didn't. If anything, I felt like I wanted more. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, if that makes any sense. I'm ashamed that cheated on my wife, and I guess the only thing I regret was who I did it with. Does my lack of guilt mean that I wanted it, too? I wasn't the one who made the first move, she did. Not that anyone would believe me if this incident ever got out. Would a court even believe I was being seduced by this female learner in my class? Oh god, What have I done?