Tears of Dream

Messy. Chaotic. Out of order. If I were to compare my room right now to my life, I’d say there’s no difference—messy, chaotic, and out of order. Who would even be motivated to live in this kind of world? It’s nothing but problems. My life story could easily be sent to MMK or Magpakailanman—even Raffy Tulfo in Action or KMJS. If it were possible, I would have done it already. A roller-coaster ride of events. Honestly, it’s driving me insane. Will it always be like this? Because, damn, I’m getting tired. You keep on trying your best, try and try and try… and boom! Nothing. Everything’s the same. I just cry, then stop, and life stays the same. Can’t it just be happiness all the way? I’m sure I wasn’t born just to be sad forever, right? I don’t want to get used to one problem after another—if anyone wants to take some of them off my hands, I’ll give them away for free. “Khana?” While my head was buried on my study table, I heard the door open and someone calling my name. “Is this an apartment or a haunted house?” I felt her walk closer to me. “Khana, what’s going on with you?” she asked. What is going on with me? I don’t even know anymore. I was fine these past few days. Sometimes things just happen that make you want to say— “s**t!!” She suddenly screamed and jumped in front of me. “A cockroach! There’s a cockroach!” Jomari yelled. “Khana, come on! Move! Fix yourself! My God, you’re getting cockroaches in here!” she said with clear disgust in her voice. I let out a deep sigh before lifting my head from the table. It’s hard to go with the flow of life—it’s just so hard. “At least the cockroach doesn’t leave me,” I said sarcastically. “Girl, are you okay? That’s disgusting! Go take a shower, I’ll just clean up while waiting for you,” she replied, heading to the kitchen to find cleaning supplies. I thought to myself—didn’t I clean last week? I couldn’t even remember. She started cleaning while I just sat there watching her. To be honest, I didn’t have the strength to move my body. This scene in my life is something I never imagined would happen to me. Of all people, why me? Fate really has a strange way of choosing, and when it finally chooses… it was me. “Hey, Khana! Get up, please,” Jomari pleaded. I know this is hard for her too, but she’s here—stronger. I wish I was like her. “I can’t,” I said emotionlessly. I didn’t feel anything except emptiness… and at any moment, I knew that emptiness could turn into pain again. “It’s been three days, Khana! What’s your plan for yourself, huh? To just be like this?” Her voice carried frustration as she pointed to my surroundings. I know… I know how messy I am right now. But I’m hurt. I still am. “What do you want me to do then? Just forget everything?” “That’s not what I’m saying,” she replied, her tone softening. “I’m just concerned about you! Look at yourself—do you think this is okay? Do you think he would like this?” I froze, thinking about how he would see me like this. Surely, he would be sad. The thought of him being sad made my heart ache. “I miss him,” I said as tears began to fall uncontrollably. Jomari dropped the broom and walked toward me to comfort me. “I do too… you’ll get through this, okay? Stop crying now,” she whispered. In this messy world, my life is a mess too. Everything around me is chaotic, painful, and draining. I cry, but it changes nothing. Crying? Why am I crying? “Wahhhhh!” I jolted awake at the sound of a loud scream. “Fire? Where’s the fire? Fire!” I shouted without thinking as I sat up from my bed. “You’re so dramatic.” Hearing that voice, I turned to see my younger sibling. Was she the one who screamed? “Ash, was that you?!” I asked irritably, rubbing my head and wiping my face. My cheeks were wet. Was I crying? “Obviously, yes. But why were you crying, Ate?” she asked in confusion. “I just had a dream,” I said. “Again? Didn’t you have a dream last time where you cried too? You wouldn’t wake up when I was shaking you, so I screamed,” Ash explained. “Ashley, Railey, what’s with all the noise?!” Mama asked as she entered the room. “Ma, it was Ate Rai! I was just waking her up,” Ash said, ready to leave so she wouldn’t get scolded. “It’s so early and all I hear is shouting! Have some shame for the neighbors!” “I was just surprised by Ash’s scream, Ma,” I explained. It wouldn’t be fair if only I got scolded. I noticed Ash glaring at me, so I glared back. “You two… enough already. Get ready and go downstairs, your Ate Kai is waiting for you,” Mama said before leaving the room. Ash followed her, leaving me alone. What was that dream again? Who were they? Who was Jomari? Who was that crying girl? And why could I hear her point of view? Is it going to happen? Or did it already happen? It’s so confusing! I'm even confused about my own life. No one knows—except my Papa—that I dream about past and future events. I was six when I discovered it. I dreamed that Papa was going to leave. He had a lot of luggage with him. The three of us siblings were crying while Mama glared at him. When I woke up from that dream, I immediately told Papa about it. He said that whatever happens in a dream is the opposite of reality, so I didn’t think much of it. But when that day came—the day Papa left for another family—I could do nothing but cry with my siblings. It was exactly like my dream. The dream didn’t show why Papa was leaving, but in reality, it was to be with another family. Papa knows about my ability. I believe he does—because he himself confirmed it to me. Since then, every dream I have—whether happy, sad, or mysterious—has always haunted me. I know they happen in real life. I’m not there to witness them all, especially if they’re about someone else’s life. I took a deep breath and moved. I remembered that I was still a diligent student.