What Do I Call You?

Chapter Eighteen

“Leave the town, please.”

I almost dropped the fork I was holding and was caught off guard by her sudden insistence. Though I was already had been expecting this to be brought up anyway, I still felt irritated hearing it out loud from her. The request had just come out too sooner than I had anticipated. Just when everything was finally going much better for me, she had to start it with those words. Feeling rebellious, I instinctively chose to ignore her remark instead and made a quick counterfeit to brush it off.

“I ordered their steak here a few days ago, it was really good. Now, I wanted to try their burrito and see if it can actually best the steak.”

“Taiyo.”

I tried not to look up, gritting my teeth to keep me from responding back harshly because she does not seem to get the gist of my reaction.

“Did you just hear what I’ve said?”

“You might wanna start digging in before that meal gets cold.”

The chattering of a few people from the other tables just kept on as it gradually filled in the awkward silence that had befallen us. I was not yet ready to hear the rest of what she wanted to say and I wanted her to stop for a moment. I could almost feel the weight of anxiety getting heavier inside my stomach and it made me feel really annoyed and somewhat disappointed all of a sudden. I really don’t like where this was all heading.

“I said—“

“What?”

My interruption somewhat ceased her from speaking and I stared up to her, my eyes slightly glaring. She was looking at me with that kind of expression I did not really quite understand but it somehow bothered me intensely. I lost my appetite immediately and I put down the fork on the side of my plate, barely interested to listen to any of her requests anymore.

“I don’t want to repeat it again. But you don’t seem to listen. You have to go away, Takagi.”

I briefly sighed upon her statement and chose to look outwards at the view shown from the glass walls. I then suddenly wanted to find some kind of distraction. Seeing the complete peacefulness of the horizons cascading from the scene outside in contrast to what was actually happening here inside to us as I tried to busy myself with the entire picture, had me loosening up a little bit. I did not want to keep on with the conversation we were having now and I was no longer interested to let it continue. For a quick moment, I just wanted everything to disappear. But it seemed like things weren’t really going to play on my side.

“Taiyo… Please.” Her slight emphasis on that last word had me frowning back at her in total frustration.

“Where?” I mumbled back annoyingly.

“What?”

“Go where, exactly?” I replied with a tone of indifference, sighing again. “The day is too good to leave.”

“This is not a joke.” She sounded triggered all of sudden that it actually made me feel quite smug and pleased for no reason.

“What joke? I don’t get it.” I teased her back and she responded to me with a scowl as I looked her way.

“Why can’t you just go? You can do what you want. You’re not reliable to stay here for any reason anyway. Just leave this town, Taiyo. I’m begging you.”

Begging me? How many times have I already heard those kinds of words? ‘Taiyo, please’, ‘Taiyo, I’m begging you…’, ‘We’re begging you, Taiyo.’ Almost everyone I knew had already told me that. For the past ten years, I have been aimlessly following everyone’s pleas and tried so hard to selflessly satisfy their commands. I never really tried to question it. Not even once. But where did it all led me? Was I ever happy to do it all? Was I ever really consciously pleased to make their requests be heard?

Before I knew it, I felt something warm touching me on my hand that was resting on top of the table, my eyes flitted down to where the sensation was summoned and I was instantly surprised to see Nari’s small palm placed over it. To be honest, it actually softened me a little bit and I almost felt like saying yes to her plea. But the stubbornness inside of me—the rebellious feeling—still won all of my hesitations over and I decided to play this all around again.

“So you’re touching me now?” I smugly remarked, smirking as my attention had been all drawn towards the contact she had initiated. I was truly flattered but then I knew it was just meant to make me succumb to her request—to which I was not really going to obey now no matter how hard she tried to force me to. “I just have to say, this is kinda giving me an advantage here, you know.”

“I’m serious.” Her grip tightened on me and her face went hard with pure determination. I was amused as I watched her with enthusiasm. So, she can actually look like this?

But then, I have already decided what I was going to do this time. Even if she tells me to go away, I don’t really think I could ever leave now. But at this point, I just selfishly want to keep this moment I had with her to last much longer, even if that meant I will have to keep up and endure her incessant requests and attempts to drive me away from their town.

“Can we just try to finish this lunch first before anything else? I think I deserve that at least.”

I could literally feel her getting more frustrated at me the more I try to dodge her words. And as I met her eyes that were filled with displeasure and severe annoyance, she suddenly softened and her grip loosened as she pulled her hand away from mine. I almost regretted letting it go but I just silently watched her as I waited for her to say anything more. Knowing that she has nothing else to do, she just nodded and went back to silence.

We ate quietly after that, no more words uttered for a long while. Even when I already had lost the appetite to do so, I still shoved the entire burrito into my mouth trying to make it feel like I was really enjoying it even though I could not even taste anything right anymore.

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I do not want to pretend that I was okay with all of this.

Not anymore.

I may have already made Nari go out with me to a diner today, but I don’t really feel quite fulfilled yet. Although I could actually call this somewhat a date between us, I still don’t want to pretend that I was completely happy about it. Of course, I still feel a little bit enthusiastic about this, but it was no longer just like that now. Something else had been bothering me since last night. And the email that Hudson had sent me still remained unopened in my inbox, leaving a dent in my ever-growing anxiety. And because of that, I was completely distracted by it to even feel elated by the fact that I have already gotten a chance to spend some time with Nari. I guess I don’t really have any will to leave this town anymore. Not when I have finally found something really unnerving about this town. For some reason, my curiosity just got even much worse that I could no longer neglect it. It might just sound like I was still insisting on things to go my way but I feel really worried…

“To tell the truth, I’m actually overwhelmed by your persistence to ask me out. And I’m not really used to things like this one but I really want you to give up.”

We had already finished eating at the diner a few moments ago, resolving nothing but silence after that aimless conversation. I was now driving us back to the town, but I was actually thinking of changing routes just for fun. I was just really desperate to make this chance with Nari last much longer despite the actual discomfort that she kept putting out into the atmosphere between us. I still have so many things that I wanted to tell her but I was not really sure where to actually start. Yet her unrelenting refusal to meet things halfway with me had me hesitating. What can I really do? She already had this firm conviction to reject every attempt that I try just to woo her and that was quite making things hard for me to go on. But honestly, I don’t really feel like giving up yet.

“Are you listening?”

Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I tried to give her a quick glance, feeling a little bit guilty of ignoring her.

“You’re really bothersome, you know.”

She let out the words with a heavy sigh, not sounding really bothered at all, and turned her head towards the window. I merely smiled at myself as I decreased the speed of the car. We were nearing the sharp turn towards the town’s borders and a few more meters, I will have to drive down the road back to her place and watch her leave again.

“Nari?”

I called out to her before I could even stop myself. I knew I was about to worsen things again but this time, I feel like going bold all of a sudden. Well, damn it. To hell with the rest.

“Will it be okay if I ask to take more of your time today?”

I felt her tensing up from the passenger seat as she mulled over my question. She would most likely reject it again, I guess. But her silence had me wondering if she would really say yes. Then after a moment, her response confirmed my thoughts.

“What do you want to do?”

Even though her question instantly ignites a hopeful glimmer to my chest, the dejected sound of her voice made me feel like she was sheltering some kind of emotion inside of her. Was she actually worried about this? Is she scared? Why did she sound so forlorn and miserable?

“I just want to show you something.”

She let out another sigh but then she just said, “Fine.”

Her reply was too halfhearted but it did not really stop me from backing down. Before I knew it, we sped fast and skipped the turn that goes straight back to the village. The main road has been opened again and the route ahead just intensified my excitement. Maybe she would finally remember everything again once I showed her that place of our first meeting. I just have to trust my hunch on this. I just have to be confident.

And after a long while of uninterrupted drive, I finally pulled the car up to the front of the old mansion. The place looked so much more different now but this was still the place where everything had started. And I was almost too certain now that this will be where everything will finally start again.

“Why did you take me here?”

I pulled the handbrake and turned the engine off as I opened the car door on my side. I turned to Nari who voiced out the question to me with a wry smile.

“Consider this as my last attempt.”

She just warily stared at me after that and she silently opened the door on her side to get out. I did the same and walked around the front of the car to guide her towards the big gates of the mansion but she hesitated for a second, stopping abruptly as she gave me a skeptical look.

“Wait, is anybody inside?”

“No one.”

To be honest, I don’t really have a key and the caretaker was most likely out of town as well—considering that nobody in the family had really traveled back here and visited the mansion for so many years now. I have already assumed that the place was pretty much rundown and filled with dust and will take a little while to be prepared for any visit, but then deciding to come here was never a planned thing anyway. I was just trying to search for some answers in the first place. Going here was actually an impulsive move and I was not really intending to stay after all. Not until I actually met Nari that night again. That was what actually changed everything.

“Then what are you planning to do here now?”

“Ever heard of trespassing?”

My teasing smirk eased out as I walked and started to climb up the grills of the black steel gate of the front. The mansion never really needed any security of sort since it was actually remoted from anything else so I could just easily go over the entire thing with a little amount of energy. Looking over my shoulder to turn back at Nari, I motioned at her to do the same thing.

“What the hell? I’m not going to climb up on that!” she told me angrily.

Her unwavering stubborn attitude is kind of annoying, to be honest, but it also was another thing that I find really cute about her. I chuckled to myself, merely ignoring her whining behind me, and just went on with what I was doing.

“Come on, this is not that hard. And remember, this is my last attempt okay? Can you just cut me some slack here? Just for today, please?”

I grunted when I started to lift myself up a few more inches above the ground and somehow, my words worked as I heard Nari muttering a curse to herself behind me. Not long after, she was starting to climb up the gate beside me.

“Be careful, okay?” I reminded her.

“I can handle myself, thank you very much,” she just said in a sarcastic tone and I chuckled again. Once we had finally managed to reach the peak of the gate, I started to feel slightly worried about climbing down all of a sudden. I was not actually expecting to find the height intimidating.

“Are you scared?”

Nari’s voice interrupted my hesitance and I looked towards her, masking my worried thoughts with a shaky smile but failed when she just smirked at me.

“No,” I told her, halfheartedly lying.

“Chicken.” She said with a chuckle and easily climbed down the gate before landing in a nonchalant thud on the ground below her. I wobbly made my way down after her and almost stumbled as I clumsily settled myself on the ground as well. Sighing in relief, I turned around and caught her watching me with an amused grin on her face.

“What?” I asked her with a frown and she just chuckled again as she looked away, clearing her throat and turning her back on me.

“So what do you want us to do here? Are we going to fool around?” the teasing sound of her words quickly flustered me and I coughed awkwardly as a response. It never really occurred to me but after hearing it from her, I was actually starting to consider the idea. But what the hell? Was that even rational of me? I managed to mentally slap myself right away for even trying to imagine it. When I had asked her to come here, it was only for the intention to show her around. But she was unexpectedly upfront with her question now and it somehow made me extremely nervous around her.

“Don’t say that,” I lightly reproached her and started walking towards the direction of the garden beside the mansion. “I just want to show you around the place. This is where I actually first met you.”

Her silence after I said those words had me wondering if she really remembered anything and I took the initiative to walk past her as I quietly led us to the area where the garden was located. It was where I had first heard her sang that song. And as I was met by the scene from the past, the breeze of the wind slowly reminded me of that memory.

“Ten years really changed this place, after all.” I, later on, remarked as I noticed the weeds overgrowing the bushes and the withering flowers that were once had been blooming and flamboyantly decorated all over the place. The trees had grown much taller and it looked like it had been very long since the last time this place was maintained. Maybe the caretaker had already forgotten to check this place every once in a while. We just sort of left and abandoned everything here after I got my sight back and I didn’t really think of coming back here until I did this year. I was not really expecting anything but then, here I was.

“You’re really rich, huh?” I hear Nari commenting behind me. But I was suddenly driven by my persistence as I abruptly turned around and caught her off guard as her eyes darted back at me.

“I really want you to accept my feelings,” I strongly confessed, forgetting everything that she had said to me about leaving. I’m really a fool, I guess.

“I already told you—“

“I’m not leaving.”

“What?”

“I already know the secret of this town.” I bravely told her as I challengingly met her intense stare. She was frowning at me and her face hardened as I spoke my words.

“Your town is a property of our family,” I went on and I noticed her hesitating as I continued. “I don’t really want to say this but then I don’t think I could ever really leave now. To even think that a town has been mysteriously built inside a private property, really makes me think there’s something more to it. So I’m planning to figure what’s really happening her—“

“I agree.”

Her soft uttered interjection had me choking as I paused and stared back at her with widened eyes. I didn’t want to believe it for a second, and I might have heard her wrong. But did she just say she agreed?

“What?”

“I’ll date you,” she said, but somehow the words sounded too forced from her mouth as she looked at me with apparent contempt. “In exchange for forgetting about what you just told me, I’ll date you.”

“Wait for a second, this i—“

“You can have me now, okay? Just leave the town alone for me after it’s all done. Can you do that? If that’s what you really want, then I want you to do this favor in exchange. Deal?”

I don’t know why it was suddenly a big deal but the way she stared at me with those pure green eyes with that assertive glare, I was immediately succumbing to her wishes. But how can she just say yes like that? Why did she sound like she was trying to avoid something else?

“Fine,” I responded weakly, sighing with a resigned smile. For some reason, I could feel something heavy growing inside my chest that it was almost suffocating. “Deal.”

Her moment of silence gave a glooming mood between us and I bowed my head to look down to my feet as I tried not to say anything for a while. I was too afraid that I might change her mind if I uttered a word back. Then after a while, she turned around.

“Let’s go back,” She soon mumbled these words back at me and I lifted my head up to look at the view of her back. I wanted to ask her so many things but I was still feeling numb to even speak. Maybe this was better since she finally agreed to date me. I must be happy now. But am I really happy? I don’t really know. I was no longer sure… Was this really what I have wanted to happen?

After that, we walked back and climbed up the gate again but this time, it was in silence. I almost lost my balance when I had tried to jump my way down from the top of the gate when I crossed over it. It could have been a funny sight but I had already lost all energy to even laugh at my expense. The entire change of mood was killing me and I don’t really get where all of this demented misery were coming from but one look at the cold demeanor Nari was giving me, I was already feeling too dumb.

I may have done the worst thing.

And I don’t think I could ever really fix this in any way possible. She was getting much farther and farther away from me. And I might really lose her now for good.

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