Of Wolves and The Light

Sunday Stepping out, I felt the cold frigid air hit my lungs. The warmth from inside had quickly faded, making me pull my coat tighter around myself as I took another deep breath. Another Sunday checked off my list. I begin to make my way back to my car as quickly as possible to ensure that I don’t run into anyone. Every Sunday for the last 2 months it was the same thing, the motions of getting there on time. Not too early but not too late. Just the way I liked it to avoid as many people as I could. As the service had gone on, I had waited rather impatiently for the seconds to tick by. Waited until they get to the same repetitive part when you know everything is ending. That’s usually when I begin grabbing my things to make sure that I’m the first one out. Well, I made it out and survived another day. What I would realize in the not-too-distant future (basically a matter of minutes) is that I had spoken too soon. I could see my car now, a few feet away. I was almost at the home stretch when I noticed soft white tufts of snow beginning to fall as I reached my car. I always love this time of year. When the snow falls, and hopefully soon it will blanket everything in sight. Entranced by the beauty of the flurries all around, I forgot everything for a moment. Why had I been rushing? Forgetting what I was trying to accomplish just now. I took that moment to really enjoy the sight before me. That’s the thing though, right? Life is about these moments. The small rays of light that can bring you out of your darkness. Smiling as I reached out to catch a few flurries. I watch them as they fall into my palm, the cool touch that I welcomed but too quickly did they sink and slowly melt with the warmth of my skin. How short the life of a snowflake, I think. Hm. Voices in the distance brought my attention back to what I was originally trying to do. I began to search in my bag for my keys. "Damn, where are they?" I listened to see if I could hear the small jingle of the keys. "There you are." As my fingers wrapped around the chain and closing my hand around the rest. I hit the unlock, when I noticed something moving on my left in the trees. Quickly snapping my gaze in the direction. I begin to move towards the edge of the trees, right before I walk under their branches I stop. A feeling of unease comes over me as I stare for another moment. Squinting as if I could magically conjure up whatever it was that had caught my attention earlier. Hmm....probably nothing. I turned around to reach for my car door when I noticed someone standing next to it. I jump back, letting my keys fall out of my grasp as well as biting back a curse. "Sorry… I didn't mean to startle you," he said while squatting down to pick up my keys. "No, it’s all good. Just ... didn't expect to see anyone." He holds out the keys and I pluck them from his open palm. “Thank you,” I whispered as our eyes met for the first time. He stands there keeping eye contact for longer than made me comfortable. When he noticed that I didn’t continue to speak or move he began to speak again. "Um... sorry," he said with a smile as he blinked and broke the eye contact before turning his gaze back to me again." I wanted to welcome you here.” I nod. "I've actually been here attending for a few Sundays now," I stated with a as a matter-of-fact tone. A few weeks too late buddy, I think to myself. “Oh, I just assumed since I haven’t seen you here prior to today…” he says and begins to rub the back of his neck. Was he nervous? I study him for a moment. I never noticed him here before either in the short time I have been attending. We stood there for a moment, neither one saying anything. I think I came off too rude. “Well, I guess technically you’re still welcoming me seeing as though this is the first time that we have crossed paths,” I say. A smile quirked up at the corner of his mouth. For the first time I got a good look at him. To begin with his smile was just…. wow! I mean it was infectious and I couldn’t help but smile in return. He had to be over 6ft, his black hair was tousled in just the perfect way. A light scruff on his face, his brown eyes were so light that I could see a little of the scenery reflecting in them. He was medium built with a light complexion tanned slightly from the sun. Oh God, now I’m the one staring. I heard a light chuckle escape him; I turned away to look around the parking lot to distract myself as I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. “So do you always leave this quickly," bringing my attention back to him, I can see a grin slowly appearing. "Yeah," I answered guiltily, "I just have somewhere to be.... after" trailing off as I fiddled with my keys at the awkwardness of the exact situation I wanted to avoid. I mean well, not this one exactly. The situation could be worse, but a cute guy with an amazing smile doesn't really qualify as a bad situation. I begin to look at him once more tracing his features in my mind. I’m doing it again. Snap out of it. His grin grows as he watches me staring at him once more. "I'm Kai, by the way," Kai held his hand out to me. "Lucia", I replied, taking his hand, my nerves starting to get the best of me. I fight them so as not show him though. "Lucia, interesting name," he said with a smile. "Not really.... I mean I wish parents would have chosen something else, but it is what it is." He looks down at our hands and I see a playful smile on his face. I realized our hands were still together. I pulled back quickly. "So, how do you like it here? Putting his hand into his coat pocket now. "It's nice,"not really knowing what to say, I continued, because I have this innate problem with awkward silences that I have to fill them with words, " I mean I don't really know anyone here but everyone seems friendly enough." this is getting awkward. "Well, now you know me," he smiles as he begins to shift his position. "So will I see you next Sunday?" "Like clockwork,” I look at my watch, “ I should really get going….I hike my thumb towards my car. “Yeah no, of course. Umm....let me get that for you” He steps around me and opens the car door. “Thank you,” I say as I sit in the car. "Have a good week Lucia, and I hope I can see you here next Sunday," he smiles. "You too," I reply as he shuts my door and he gives a final wave before I drive off the parking lot. Driving off the lot I knew that I was still smiling to myself. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be to meet someone here. Don’t get me wrong, it was awkward, and my anxiety was dancing on the edge of my lack of social skills, but I made it through. Thinking back on what the preacher had spoken of. In that moment, what they spoke of made complete sense. But as usual once I made it out, I could no longer see what he talked about. It was as if something was clouding my mind. Have you ever had a breakthrough and it was within arm’s reach, but then just as quickly as it came you could no longer grasp it. And no matter how hard you tried, what had made perfect sense a moment ago no longer applied to the way the ‘real world’ worked. I could feel the fog had lifted momentarily but ultimately the heavy air choked out any possibility of fresh air. Oh, well. My thoughts began to drift to Kai. Thinking of how he looked standing there by my car, he was cute. Ugh...who am I kidding, he was more than cute. He was the kind of guy I could fall for. I can feel my cheeks heating up as I smile at myself thinking about that small but nice interaction earlier. But the issue is that he is a church goer. Forget it. Pushing him from my mind as I switch on the music and blast it as I make my way home. Back to our regularly scheduled program.