Instinctual

Chapter 15

“Declan?”  Liz’s knuckles tapped on the door again, and Marcus and the Alpha being called for just continued to stare at each other in pure, trapped horror until Marcus – seemingly without thinking – let go of Declan’s ankle, which proved to be rather pivotal to his balance.  No longer anchored by the Omega’s curled fingers, the Alpha overbalanced backward and fell right off the bed with an ungainly yelp and a hard thud.  Marcus immediately scrambled to the edge on hands and knees, but before his mouth could form an embarrassing apology, Declan recovered enough to wave him into silence.  Looking at the Omega firmly, Declan tapped a finger to his ear and then pointed at the door, before moving a said finger in front of his lips to remind Marcus that silence was in his best interest right now if he wanted to keep their shared bed arrangement a secret. 

The way Marcus’s pale skin immediately flushed red over his cheeks – more so than they’d been already, in fact – was somehow hard for Declan to draw his eyes away from.  Recalling that this already had the potential for intense humiliation for both of them, even without him staring at Marcus’s sharp features, Declan rolled to his feet with another gesture for the Omega to stay quiet and where he was. “Sorry, I just got up. One second!” he called to ensure that Liz and Kobi wouldn’t come in of their own accord.

The one silver lining to this situation, of course, was that if Declan was busy diverting his two Betas, then he wasn’t stuck here trying to talk things out with Marcus, which would eventually have led to the fact that he’d been perfectly awake last night when the smaller man had rolled into him. Declan should have done something like perhaps wake him and see if he was well enough to go back to his room, but Marcus had turned out to be so supple and warm when he was like that. He still didn’t smell like ‘pack,’ but to Declan’s nose, the warm smell of the Omega’s skin had become less foreign and threatening and instead merely novel.  – scents that were pure ‘Marcus’ – Declan opened his door just enough to slip out.  Kobi and Liz blinked at him in surprise, but he spoke before they could.  “So you’re looking for Marcus?  You checked all the rooms?”  Telepathically, he spoke between his verbal words, ‘Play along.  I know where he is.’

Liz raised an eyebrow, mentally replying, ‘Declan, I think we all know where he is by this point. The real question is why you smell like you rolled in him.’  To keep up the façade, the young woman spoke, “Yeah, we checked all the rooms – his door was open.” 

Flushing all the way to his ears, Declan defended himself weakly, ‘He came to me last night because he was having another episode.  Look, he’s in my room and nothing happened, but I think that if you both go barging in there he just might die of embarrassment.’

Understanding flashed immediately across both Kobi and Liz’s faces, and they immediately nodded and began to play along with more intently. “Where do you think he could be?” Kobi asked, all concern in his low tones.

“He could have gone outside…”  The conversation continued, with Declan supposedly distracting and leading Liz and Kobi away, even though everyone but Marcus knew that the jig was up. Considering how fragile Marcus’s psyche was, however, there was no argument about whether feigning ignorance was worthwhile, and even Declan didn’t receive any more teasing, although he was forced to explain a bit more via the mental link.  While he described the way Marcus had been a truly horrible wreck at first but had stabilized incrementally with every minute spent in Declan’s presence, the Alpha kept an ear c****d in the direction of his bedroom. No doubt Liz and Kobi were listening, too, even as they left the house, so everyone was perfectly ready to turn back when they deduced that Marcus was no longer in such a compromising part of the house. 

Declan left out the part where he’d woken up to Marcus, clearly barely conscious, pulling out his earplugs and then moving into the Alpha’s personal space.  Neither Liz nor Kobi needed to know how fiercely protective and fond Declan had suddenly felt when he’d realized that the battered Omega was feeling better but wasn’t leaving.

They eventually ‘found’ Marcus in the kitchen, looking incredibly awkward but not as if he’d been sneaking around while Declan supposedly misled the two Betas.  Liz, the angel, immediately created a mien of surprise and rushed into the kitchen with a happy call of, “Marcus!  There you are – we thought you’d flown the coop on us.”

Flashing a small almost-smile, his natural wariness still there even as he did his best to warm up to the idea of people being genuinely happy to see him, Marcus replied wryly but not unkindly, “Nowhere to fly to, remember?” By then, the redheaded woman was by his side, adjusting the settings on the coffee-maker and chatting about breakfast choices.  Briefly, over her shoulder, Marcus caught Declan’s eyes with a worried look. It made Declan immediately glad that he’d formulated this plan to save the Omega’s pride a little because there was just a glimmer of trepidation in his gaze – a hint of what he’d have felt like if confronted with his stay in the Alpha’s bed.   Even as Declan flashed him a brief and reassuring look, the Alpha felt deeply sad that Marcus was afraid of little things like that. Marcus had an unreasonably strong sense of his lack of belonging, and probably feared repercussions for cozying up to the Alpha of another pack.

‘I think he sees me as a married woman that he’s sleeping with when her husband is away,’ Declan tested out his realization purely telepathically, and just to Kobi, making a little face as he watched Liz show Marcus the best way to make coffee with a machine that had clearly imprinted at an early age, and not on anyone currently living in this house.  Both Declan and Kobi were by now seated at the table, still contemplating breakfast choices.

Having also been watching (although with a more fond expression, and only really paying attention to his girlfriend), Kobi swung his head around sharply to blink at Declan.  ‘I thought you said you didn’t have s*x with him?’ Kobi replied with more shock in his voice than Declan had probably ever heard as if the Beta were choking on his own thoughts.

Immediately, Declan’s eyes widened.  ‘No! I mean – yes, that’s what I said. That’s exactly what happened – didn’t happen.  I didn’t have s*x with him,’ Declan stumbled to explain, mental tone extremely fervent, especially because he could practically see the protectiveness in the line of Kobi’s shoulders.  Declan wasn’t the only one who’d developed a soft spot for the stranger under their roof.  This was another reason why Declan was never going to mention his poorly timed erection this morning…  ‘It was just a metaphor to explain the situation! Marcus needed my help, so I helped him, but he sees it as him doing something morally reprehensible,’ the Alpha finally managed to coherently elaborate. 

“What are you two talking about?”  Still facing the counter instead of Kobi and Declan, Liz was looking back over her shoulder with a suspicious expression on her face that was more than a little foreboding.  Kobi slouched a little lower in his seat.  Marcus was also glancing apprehensively at them out of the corner of his eye but was doing a good impression of this all being none of his business, even though he was right there. 

Fortunately, Kobi was loyal, and while sometimes that loyalty was awfully attached to a certain redheaded girl, he knew who his Alpha was.

One eyebrow lifted upwards imperiously.  Patently unconvinced, Liz said back slowly, “Uh-huh.” Then she looked to Marcus… whom Declan realized belatedly was a guy, and therefore a loophole in Kobi’s vague excuse.  The wince Kobi gave showed exactly when he noticed that too.  “Hey, Marcus – you want to know about guy things, right?” Liz tossed out blithely.

Things probably would have devolved into quite a lot of embarrassment for the two larger Werewolves at the table (and perhaps amusement for a victorious Liz), but sometimes it was easy to forget that Marcus didn’t adhere to predictable, pack responses.  Instead of either giving in and aiding Liz in her quest to not be left out and lied to or raising his hands in defeat and deciding whether or not to go down in flames with the other boys, Marcus turned his back more firmly to the room and replied quietly, “Nope.  It’s none of my business.”

Uncomfortable silence spread through the room like a dank fog, muffling the budding humor and teasing.  Marcus was fiddling with the coffee-maker, his posture a study on carefully hidden tenseness, and he wasn’t looking to see the suddenly sad look Liz was directing his way.  The sympathy on her face was mixed with pain, and Declan suddenly didn’t know who to comfort or how.

~^~

Breakfast could have been worse.  At least Marcus’s senses behaved, and conversation picked up a bit after everyone was arranged around the table with coffee and cereal or toast. Marcus was friendly, but not too friendly, Declan noticed, and by the time everyone started to wander off and start their day, the Alpha was pretty sure he knew why Marcus was behaving as he was. He caught the Omega in the hall a bit later when Liz and Kobi headed the other way, needing to go into the city for something. 

“Hey,” Declan said, getting Marcus’s attention mildly even as the Alpha settled a muscular shoulder against the wall and made it clear he was staying there.

Eyes narrowing as he noticed his path blocked, but not outright worried yet, Marcus came to a halt.  “Yes?” He’d been given a chance to change right after breakfast, Liz and Kobi working together to find clothing suitable for the Omega’s slender frame.  Ultimately, that meant that he was actually wearing clothes that were probably Liz’s, but the jeans were of an androgynous cut that didn’t bag over his bare feet and looked comfortable.  His faded blue T-shirt made his eyes look brighter and his hair seems a subtly richer brown; it was only a few sizes too big, enough so that it showed quite a swatch of collarbones but didn’t look like he was swimming in it.

Deciding to get right to the point, Declan put on the face he used for official, Alpha-related things – an expression that he admittedly didn’t have an abundance of practice with, but he was still learning – and said, “You’re allowed to make friends with my Betas, you know.” He added quickly as the thought came to him, “And me.  Pack relations don’t govern who all of our friends are.”

Marcus actually looked sincerely stunned, although whether it was because he’d been figured out, or because of Declan’s bluntness, or by the idea itself, there was no telling.  Blue eyes blinked at Declan dumbly for a moment.  “This is more than making friends – this is living in your house-!” Marcus finally recovered himself enough to properly make a rebuttal, but Declan just raised a hand and cut him off. With Marcus’s sensitivity to commands, Declan was getting more used to watching his language, and gestures were safer.

Instead of saying ‘Come here,’ Declan merely turned around and beckoned, saying, “I’ve got something for you.”  He knew that he was being purposefully vague, but a curious Marcus seemed to be a quieter one, and Declan wasn’t prepared for this to become an argument. He’d caught Marcus to reassure him and make him feel welcome, not to get his hackles up.

Marcus hesitated for a moment, but apparently, his instincts still ran true, because his feet had him following the Alpha naturally as Declan started walking.  “What is it?” Marcus asked warily.

“A sign that we actually care about what happens to you,” Declan said.  With his back to the other young man, it was easier to speak candidly about topics that were like icebergs: so calm and simple when Declan voiced them but hiding a whole mountain’s-worth of depth beneath. 

Declan couldn’t see Marcus’s face, but the long silence spoke of surprise, although eventually the other answered lowly, “I’m pretty sure that what’s going to happen to me is either the police will eventually figure out where I am, or my brain will explode during one of those episodes as they get worse.”

Now Declan contributed to the silence, stunned speechless by the easy admission – but no, it hadn’t been easy.  Marcus’s voice was steady, but it was so quiet and low that it was like something admitted in the dark.  Just like Declan could say deep things when he wasn’t eye-to-eye with someone, Marcus could tell harsh truths like this when no one was looking at him. Declan felt his throat close up as he wondered how long Marcus had been thinking this, unable to get it out, or having no one else around to hear it even if he did. 

“It’s all right,” the Omega continued, still subdued, still following Declan with shuffling steps, “I figured that it would get too bad to handle eventually, and it’s nice to find people who… you know… care. I’m pretty sure that it’s terminal, though.”

The iron quality of his own voice startled Declan as he bit back stubbornly, “It’s not going to be,” even as he opened the door to his room and stepped inside.  Not wanting to return to Marcus’s choice of topics because it made him feel like he wanted to tear into something – a foe that he could touch could hurt, could halt – Declan instead rummaged in his closet, distractedly tracking Marcus by sound as the brown-haired young man came to stand in the doorway.

“What are you looking for?”

“This,” Declan murmured, returning with the plastic bag containing the remains of Marcus’s things.  His entire life, all encompassed in one paltry heap.  By the way, Marcus’s eyes widened, he’d realized what it was instantly, probably smelling it, or seeing a few familiar items through the clear plastic.  It looked like the Omega briefly forgot to breathe as he just stared, shocked silent. Declan held it out to him, feeling his impotent anger leave him for a rush of compassion instead. “Here.  Take it.  These are all yours – what I could find, anyway.  I went by your apartment and the place where Clarissa attacked you and gathered up what I could find.  I figured that you’d want it.”

Marcus’s mouth was moving, but he couldn’t seem to figure out how to get words out of it, although a few brief noises were emitted.   The most coherent thing, at first, was a doglike whine that tugged at Declan’s heartstrings even as Marcus blinked rapidly, eyes going shiny.  “This is-” he finally managed to speak, words tripping and feet also starting to stumble forward as he reached out as the bag would disappear, “I didn’t think I’d- This-”  His hands closed spasmodically on the bag, and Declan let it go, watching as Marcus clutched it to his chest, looking both lost and found at the same time, utterly uncertain but momentarily anchored around this one point like a dragon curled around the last jewels of what had once been a hoard. Marcus’s knuckles were white, he was holding on so hard, and he’d started to shake.  “Thank you,” he whispered.

Feeling embarrassed to be spoken to as though he’d just saved Marcus’s life instead of merely a few articles of clothing and his wallet, Declan glanced down at his feet, rubbing a hand self-consciously over the back of his neck.  “You don’t have to thank me,” he muttered, shifting his weight, “Seriously, you haven’t even looked at what’s in it.  It’s not much.”

“It’s more than I had.”

Declan glanced up sharply to notice Marcus already looking at him, eyes red-rimmed and lashes wet from the tears that had finally escaped his eyes.  Despite the tracks down his cheeks, he looked more resolved than Declan had seen him before, chin tipping up and spine straight.  Suddenly, it felt that maybe Declan had given him more than just a pathetic bag of things – maybe he’d given him back a little bit of his pride as well, or some control. “Thank you,” Marcus said again, in a voice that said Declan had better accept the gratitude this time.

He did.  “You’re welcome,” the Alpha said solemnly and with a steady nod of his head, tawny eyes never leaving sapphire blue eyes. 

Marcus with his things back was a different person. He was still wary and a bit hand-shy like a partially tamed thing, but he interacted more freely and stopped walking as if he were on thin ice.  The jeans he started wearing around the house were actually his, too, and they did rather unexpected things to his ass that Declan found hard not to notice, even though the jeans were obviously cheap and old and worn. When Marcus wasn’t acting chronically wary, subservient, or fearful, he had an unexpected, hard-edged sort of grace to him that matched his lean body. 

That was not to say that everything became suddenly sunshine and roses because whenever Declan wasn’t distracted by the way Marcus simply looked (wandering around the house, interacting with Liz and Kobi, sometimes faintly smiling so that Declan finally got to see that, yes, Marcus’s nose did wrinkle whenever he fought a smirk), he was remembering what he’d said.  ‘I’m pretty sure that it’s terminal.’ The resigned, hollow declaration echoed in the Alpha’s head like a clap of distant thunder, the warning of an oncoming storm that seemed terrifyingly inevitable.  To drive the point home, Marcus had another episode somewhere around noon, and although it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the previous one, it still left everyone rattled and subdued.  While Marcus huddled in the bathroom, weathering the last bit of vomiting induced by a suddenly heightened sense of smell, Liz approached Declan.

“Is this how things are going to be from now on?” she asked in a hushed tone.  There was an edge to it like rust on metal, and the way she’d wrapped her arms tightly around her ribcage spoke of anxiety that he could scent like something acidic in the air.   “We’re just going to live with him, and pretend everything is okay until he suddenly goes into a fit so bad that he can barely function?”  By the end, her voice was still the same volume, but had risen in pitch and gained a quality, not unlike hysteria.  A glance in her direction showed Declan the unshed, angry tears in Liz’s eyes. She was furious, but also helpless.

 Probably sensing Liz’s distress, Kobi wandered up to them, his broad shoulders a little slumped. He’d been hovering by the bathroom door, not daring to get much closer lest Marcus took in the scent of him and overloaded again.  Declan itched to go over there himself, to test whether his own nearness held in all situations and not merely those involving hearing, but he needed to think.

“From what I can hear,” Kobi started, low and subdued, “he’s a bit better.  At least I’m hearing long gaps between the dry-heaving.”  The male Beta looked a bit queasy himself, and everyone in the house had consciously toned down their own sense of smell – a luxury that they’d taken for granted until they’d learned about packless Omegas.  Standing close enough to Liz to lean his shoulder against hers, Kobi added with a wealth of worry in his tone, “When we first met him, we realized that he had… moments… like this, but I don’t think it was this bad.”

“It is getting worse,” Declan confirmed, and when his Betas looked at him for a more explanation, he sighed and admitted hollowly, “My Aunt wasn’t wrong about what happens to Omegas when they go for a long time without a pack – at least, not completely wrong.  Marcus told me…”  He paused, unable to finish, looking down at his bare feet against the carpet and searching in his mind for that tentative, unnatural link that he sometimes felt between himself and Marcus.  It was like chasing dreams after waking, however, and he couldn’t find it. 

Liz slid away from Kobi – who looked as if she’d taken away a piece of him when she left, a sure sign that he was unsettled by all of this if he needed his girlfriend that badly – so that she could stand almost on Declan’s toes and demand, “What did Marcus tell you?”

Meeting her fierce, scared eyes, Declan realized that this wasn’t what she wanted to hear… but that he couldn’t lie to her. He sighed, “He expects this to kill him. Sooner rather than later.”

Instead of flying into a panic, or crying out, or even getting furious, Liz stayed perfectly still.  Something about that look made Declan’s heart swell in his chest, and despite the situation, he wanted to smile at her proudly. Instead, he schooled his expression into something calm but unreadable, even as Liz straightened and said in a tone that brooked no argument, “I’m going to research.  There’s got to be some way to fix this.”  And with that, she spun on her heel and left, no doubt to grab her laptop.  With a helpless sigh, Kobi watched her go, still looking like something in him was disjointed and out of place.  Declan himself could feel it, like a sympathetic pain for a dislocated shoulder. Without saying anything, telepathically or otherwise, he moved to the living room and sat down on the couch – from here, he could just see the bathroom door, and if he strained very, very hard…

He could just sense Marcus. It felt unnatural, like bending his arm just a hair beyond its normal range of motion, and honestly, the link was a poor one, but it was there.  Declan held onto it stubbornly even as he felt what amounted to pure misery and exhaustion coming from the Omega camped out in the bathroom.

Kobi wandered into the living room bare moments later, with that same natural urge to follow in Declan’s shadow that Marcus had shown earlier. It was one of the lesser-known quirks created by pack dynamics with an Alpha.  Kobi collapsed onto the couch next to Declan, and after a moment, sort of toppled over against his shoulder, not unlike what he’d done with Liz, only sitting now.  It was a manly sort of bid for comfort, with both of them staring forward at the wall ahead of them, but Kobi didn’t hesitate to relax as his muscled shoulder started to warm against Declan’s.

“I know that there’s a question you and Liz want to ask me,” Declan said, after a good full minute of simply letting his Beta lean against him, both powerful men breathing in slow tandem.  Kobi turned his head, making a questioning noise, so Declan simply voiced the question himself, “Would my bringing him into our pack fix him?”

The way Kobi said nothing, but instead just went back to staring forward at nothing, indicated that he had, indeed, been entertaining that question.  For once, that faith made Declan uncomfortable, and he looked down at his lap where his hands were rubbing, one over the other, the marks from Rob’s claws almost gone already from his forearms.  “I’ve been thinking about it…”  Kobi’s sharp intake of breath was the only indication that he was listening. He leaned a bit harder into Declan’s shoulder.  “It’s not something you usually just do out of the blue, but I think that these are special circumstances. The only problem is…” Declan leaned forward suddenly over his knees, rubbing at his temples and swearing quietly under his breath as the magnitude of everything depending on him hit home. Realizing that he was quite suddenly on the verge of breaking down in front of one of his Betas, a subordinate, technically, Declan briefly tried to reign himself in but ultimately gave up. If Kobi couldn’t stand the sight of his Alpha acting so human, then they weren’t as good friends as he’d thought. “The torn links from Clarissa and Rob still hurt!” Declan complained, voice scraping up his throat with frustration and very real pain, “If this weren’t a desperate situation, I’d say that I didn’t want to create a bond with a new pack-member ever again, or at least not until these heal up a bit.”

“It hurts that much?” Kobi hazarded, surprised.

Declan merely nodded, forehead on his palms by now. The torn links could be ignored if he was acting and doing other things, but right now, he felt them acutely like fresh scar-tissue.  He had two still-tender wounds in his psyche.  For a moment, he lost his grip on the pseudo-link with Marcus, and it broke just like that, making Declan sigh in defeat at the loss.  Fine.  He’d have to check on the Omega physically then. 

“Do you want Marcus?” Kobi finally asked, after a long moment of pondering silence.  His voice was once again sounding like the calm, collected, steady Beta that Declan knew. “I mean, do you really want him in the pack – if there weren’t any circumstances forcing your hand?”

The answer was surprisingly easy.  “Yes.” 

Immediately saying that Declan should just go ahead and do it then, Kobi instead merely hummed and nodded.  He stood, taking a moment to brush a hand against Declan’s left bicep.  “You should think on that then.”

Just as Declan was nodding, his thoughts a nasty tangle but the answers nonetheless staring him in the face, Liz sailed into the room again like a red-haired wind-storm.  There was fierce pride on her face.  “Clarissa clearly wasn’t looking very hard.  I think I found a rumor or two that says being in a wolf shape helps with what might be called ‘Omega Deterioration’.   It’s apparently nothing like a cure, but I’m going to keep looking. Should I tell Marcus, or do you want to, Declan?”

The Alpha immediately stood up, walked over to Liz, and dragged her into a hug so hard she squeaked.  “You’re a godsend, Liz,” he breathed against her hair.

She chuckled next to his ear, still trapped in the hug. “I’m a computer-whisperer, actually. But I’ll go with ‘god-send,’ too. I think my boyfriend wants to hug me, Declan, so you should let me go and talk to Marcus instead.”

Chuckling warmly and feeling hope flaring behind his breastbone where resignation had been threatening before, Declan released his hold, immediately turning his footsteps towards the bathroom.  He didn’t have to look back to know that Kobi and Liz were most likely doing much more than just hugging.