The Lost Cause Of Living

From the first time I had seen him after that sour experience in the past , I was waiting. Waiting for the word WHY to come out of his mouth. My conscience was doing a great job of telling me that I was responsible for him being known as a liar and characterless person in his youth. Like I didn't know it. I was feeling so guilty but was it the time for it now. No. It was too late. Only if . I hate these wishing words . They were of no use to me now. As I was busy in my own pity party , I didn't notice Cathy asking me about my plans . I was silent for sometime and then decided it was best to avoid everyone . So , I told her that I have a test tommorow at university and can't come .I then excused myself and went towards the parking lot which looks creepy in the night or which I think was creepy because of my anxiety . I had just opened the car door when I heard a voice behind me asking the most dreading question "Why?" I knew who was there and what he was asking but I can't seem to answer him .It seemed that the words I had practisced before thousand times were stuck in my throat. In my mind I was speaking but it seems like my vocal cords were gone on a strike as I couldn't voice my thoughts to him in that specific moment . I decided to face him and turned around. He was looking at me with so much loath that I felt myself being drowned in it . My breath was irregular and I just spoke one word " Sorry". He laughed hysterically on hearing my apology . I should have joined him . shouldn't I? But I was waiting for his hateful comeback to my pathetic sorry. He said nothing , just shook his head like he can't believe I was saying sorry now when it was of no use to him . he turned away and started his promenade towards the cafe while I just stood there watching his retreating back. He he stopped when he was a good metre away from me but he didn't turned to face me. "Go home Lily we were just a bunch of stupid kids.I just came here to know if you had forgotten your mistakes or not. " I stood there for a while trying to understand his words and then sat in my car . In a trance I drove towards my flat . At that specific moment I just wanted to get away from him , from my family , from my problems and from the world where no one seems to care for me . I just wanted to sleep....