I Thrived

Kabanata 3: Stubborn

He's just staring like he's eating a raw meat. I don’t know what this man’s up to. Siguro lumalabas na naman ang pagiging manyak ng isang ‘to.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him with my brows up.

"Can you say "Thank you?" I just saved your ass there woman. "

Oo nga naman Zelle. Kung wala siya baka nagmukha ka ng shunga sa harap ng dalawa pero imbes na magpasalamat ay iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"Well I don't give a f*ck," sabi ko sa kaniya at iniba ko ang tingin sa mga taong naglalakad. Ang ingay na galing sa mga sasakyan ang siyang nagpabalik ng tingin ko sa kaniya.

"I do. I f*ck," he seriously said right after I made an eye contact with him. I made a disgusting face nang makita kong nilabas pa niya ang dila niya pagkatapos niyang sabihin ‘yun.

‘Di man lang siya nahihiya na baka marinig siya ng mga katabi namin? We're on the outside of the motel. Kaya madami rin naman kaming mga katabi ditong minor? I guess. They looked so young for me. ‘Yung iba pa nga rito halos maghubad na eh. Naging hubadera rin naman ako pero hindi naging pokpok sa pananamit.

"Want some exercise?" he leaned against me whispering while slowly brushing his tongue in my ears. The nerve of this guy. Argghh sarap batukan.

That's so yucky and what if naman marumi tenga ko? Well I’m confident I am very conscious with my hygiene because I don’t want to be bullied by just having a not so healthy hygiene.

"I'd rather use my s*x toys," mahinang sabi ko, well I lied on that part.

Don't have s*x toys ‘cause I find it so disgusting. Why buy stuff like that if kaya ko namang bumingwit ng mga model? Kahit nga mga celebrity nagkakandarapa sa ganda ko. I’m confident because I know myself more than others and I know maganda ako, at sexy rin.

Perks of having such a beautiful face. I can make them turn their way on me without having a hard time.

They'll just flew their self at me. Who am I to refuse them? When others almost begging just to have them while me I'll just walk and they'll follow.

"I can do better than your s*x toys," nakangiting sabi niya.

May gana pa talaga siyang gahasain ako? Eh kung siya kaya ipalapa ko sa mga bading diyan sa kanto.

"Not planning to commit suicide, dude," pagkatapos kong sabihin ‘yun ay inirapan ko siya. He's big that's what I am talking about.

Miracle na lang yung dalawang round namin and maybe because he's just taking it slowly. I think he really have all the patience of the world that time. Siguro ‘pag sobrang manyak na talaga siya baka mamaya ay wala na ako sa mundong ito.

He's just careful not to hurt me honestly. ‘Cause if he's that wreck less maybe I'm in a hospital now. With some disease called laceration. I know it may be sound too overacting but yeah I can’t handle him well if he didn’t handle me well too.

He chuckled then tried to reach for my hand. Mabuti na lang at mabilis ko itong nailayo sa kaniya kaya lumaki ang ngiti ko lalo na nang makita ko kung paano nag-iba ang hitsura niya sa ginawa ko. Ang sarap pala asarin ng gagong ‘to pero wala pang isang segundo ay nahuli niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan iyon ng mahigpit.

"Wanna take you to bed, so bad," nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Manyak talaga if I’m not or we’re not in a public place baka nasampal ko na ‘to.

"I'm going back,” mabilis na sabi ko na siyang ikinatawa niya pero tumango naman kalaunan.

Then I untied our hands that he intertwined. So flirty naman. I thought he's this called serious type of a man. Seryoso kasi n’ung una naming pagkikita eh. ‘Yun pala ang manyak.

Well I guess first impressions are tricky.

As well as this man in front of me.

"Hatid na kita," suggestion niya nang makitang aalis na talaga ako. Wala naman akong balak magtagal sa labas kung ‘di ko lang nakasalubong ‘yung dalawang ugok eh ‘di sana nakapasok na ako.

Naglakad nalang ako pabalik sa room namin. Bahala siya diyan nasa kan’ya ang desisyon. He's old enough to decide for himself. Kaya na ngang gumawa ng bata.

Why do I loathe him that much? Hindi naman grabe pero parang may feel akong ‘di ko feel sa kaniya. I can’t understand myself anymore. ‘Di ba ito naman type ko? Not a serious type. A little bit jolly and a joker. And maginoong medyo bastos.

But why I felt this? Am I denying the fact that I'm having a feeling. Yeah a feeling na feeling gwapo siya.

Nakita ko naman si laptop guy na nakatingin lang sa room namin. Baka aalis na ‘to and hinihintay niya lang yung laptop niya? Ang kapal ba naman kasi ng mukha ni Mia at nang-abala pa ng kapitbahay.

"Are you going home na po?" Magalang na tanong ko. I just had a feeling that I should respect him. Mabait naman ako konti kaya lang ‘yung mukha ko hindi.

"Nope."

Sa ikli ng sinabi niya parang naging kasalanan ko pang tinanong ko siya.

"Baka ginagamit pa po, pero try ko pong kunin," alilangang sabi ko na ikinataas ng kilay niya. Maybe he forgot my face? He couldn't recognize me? My face is not common and ordinary kaya dapat matandaan niya ako.

"We're the one who borrowed your laptop, po," magalang pa ring sabi ko. Wala ako sa mood ngayon para mag-maldita.

"I'll just go back to my room."

And he excused himself right after he said those words. Nakangiting tingnan ko lang siya. So weird. He didn't even bother to get his laptop. Baka mamaya sabihan pa kaming magnanakaw. Nako! Mapapanot talaga si Richard ‘pag nalaman sangkot si Riche.

"Boyfriend mo?"

‘Di ko na nilingon kung sino ang nagtanong kasi alam ko na kung sino kasi alam na alam ko na boses niya.

"Are you deaf? Have you heard our conversation?" Iritadong tanong ko sa kaniya. I don't know why but naiirita talaga ako sa kaniya.

"When you're talking at him you're like a puppy, now that you're talking to me you looked like I was your prey," medyo nahimigan ko ang tampo sa boses niya pero binalewala ko iyon.

"You're just annoying," diretsang sabi ko sa pagmumukha niya. I saw him smiled a bit then lowered his head.

"I'll be going then," paalam niya. I can feel the sad in his voice but I chose not to think of any feelings towards it but regretted right after nakita kong nakayuko lang siyang umalis.

Why do I suddenly feel guilty?

Stupid Zelle can you zip your mouth a bit? You're hurting someone with your words. I’m not stupid para ‘di ko malamang nasaktan ko siya sa sinabi ko pero siguro naman mawawala rin feelings niya sa akin, kung meron man.

I can't run to him and say sorry ‘cause I don’t know how to act and ask for forgiveness. And maybe I tried not to go after him because I don’t want my feelings to worsen.

Baka mamaya umasa pa yun. I don't like them calling me paasa when I'm not.

They're just assuming. I'm talking about my flings.

"What are you doing?" I asked Mia who's busy browsing sa laptop.

The other two girls were sleeping. Napagod siguro pero pagod naman sila palagi eh.

"Just checking," tipid na sagot nito sa akin.

"You're not yet sleepy?" I asked her while I'm getting ready to bed.

Pagod na rin ako. Sino bang hindi mapapagod sa ginawa namin?

"You sleep I'll return this one when I'm done."

Tumango na lang ako sa sinabi niya. Inaantok na rin ako.

"Okay. Goodnight."

I'm exhausted. Riche called someone already to brought her car sa mekaniko.

To: Mother

We girls having fun. I'll come back tomorrow by lunch.

I changed her name ‘cause don't wanna mistakenly text her. Baka mamaya sino na namang kumalikot sa phone ko.

"Yow girls let's get up."

I slowly opened my eyes and there I saw Mia looking like she's been harassed by group of men. Siguro hindi ‘to nakatulog o baka ilang oras lang tulog nito.

"Did you sleep?" I asked her with a hint of concern in my voice.

She looked at me and slowly nodded. Sleep her ass eh mukha ngang na-gang rape.

When I looked at Chae and Riche they're murmuring something. Are they sleep talking? Ang tagal talagang magising ng mga inahing baboy na ‘to. Pinalo ko naman pwetan nila na siyang

"Let's have some breakfast."

I looked at the time on my phone. It's 10 am already? It's feels like I've been asleep for two hours pero kaya pa naman.

I walked straight to Mia and touched her hair.

"You looked miserable."

Tumingin lang ito sa akin at tipid na ngumiti.

"I guess I am."

What's happening to her? I touched her hair back and forth.

"Want some d**k heads?"

I just wanted to lighten up her mood. And I think I made it.

"Hungry for foods, not for boys," she said laughing.

I leave her there and went straight to the bathroom. My God! We didn't bought a toothbrush last night. Wala pa naman akong dala, nagmumog na lang ako. Wala rin sigurong dalang toothbrush sila kasi wala namang may plano. Kung meron man si Chae lang. Siya lang naman ang always on the go, always ready.

I felt guilty about Chris. If he's not annoying then I won't have to say those words to him. Yeah Zelle put all the blame on him kung iyan ang ikagagaan at ikapapanatag ng loob mo.

"You're torturing the mirror," si Riche na pumasok sa banyo.

I moved to the side. Giving her a space.

"Is your car already fixed?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

"Of course I have the best bodyguard in town," kinikilig na sabi niya. Bodyguard mukha mo. Bodyguard mo kinakalantari mo. Iyan ang sabihin mo.

"It should be YOUR boytoy." I said washing all the bubbles of soap on my face.

"Quite," mabilis na sabi niya.

"As if they didn't know," alam naman ata ng lahat kung ang kagaguhan ng isang ‘to at ng bodyguard niya. Kung ako kay Richard ipatali niya na ‘to baka mawalan pa siya ng boto.

Iniwan ko nalang siya at nadatnan ko naman si Mia na nagsusuklay habang si Chae ay tulog pa rin.

From: Mother:

Go home now.

Kaya pagkatapos naming kumain diretso bahay agad ako. How obedient Zelle.

"Your sister needs company para sa gallery niya. You'll accompany her ‘cause we'll be out of town and baka mahirapan siya," bungad niya sa akin pagpasok ko pa lang sa bahay.

"Also help her promote her paintings through any kinds of social networking sites you know," dagdag niya pa. How about her? She'll just sit there like a frog? ‘Cause obviously she's won’t be the princess.

Well that's why they like my sister more than me. ‘Cause obviously she does better in school. She have many talents and she claims she's lovable. Assuming din kasi ‘yun.

While me? I'm the nobody.

I nodded while looking at my dad praising Bella like a God. Wala naman akong magawa kundi tumango na lang pero wala rin akong balak sundin ang gusto nila.

I even Bella smirk when she saw me looking at her. I'm not jealous. I just can't.

"We'll be leaving now, Take care of her," halos mangasim mukha ko sa sinabi ni Mommy pero kahit gan’un ay nagawa ko pa ring tumango.

Why would I take care of her? When she should be the one doing that? She's older than me!

She left then bid her goodbyes to Bella and Dad also did the same.

I just walked out and move my ass upstairs. They wouldn't even said goodbye to me. Lagi na lang si Bella. Malaki na ako at dapat natuto na akong intindihin sila pero ‘di ko magawa.

I feel like I am not part of the family.

I didn't help Bella on her gallery. Ni hindi nga ako umuuwi sa bahay I always see myself on a bar. Then morning came and I always ended up in a hotel.

I don't even know who booked me a hotel. Basta pagkagising ko nasa hotel na ako. And when I asked the receptionist about my bill. Sabi nabayaran na daw kaya ayun para akong timang na umaalis sa hotel. Mabuti na lang din at may nakahandang damit na para sa akin.

I wanna thank who did that. But I even don't have a clue. ‘Pag tinanong ko ‘yung receptionist if by any chance she knows who pays it. But she'll always shook her head and act like she didn't see me.

Now I'm asking for Chae to stalk me. Nag text naman siya saking okay na daw yung pwesto niya. Kita daw ako kaya tumango nalang ako. Didn't know if she saw it or not basta ‘yun na ‘yun.

I ordered hard drinks and I'm regretting it now. Baka bukas sasakit na naman ulo ko nito. D*mn hangover. If drinking won't cause me a hangover baka gabi-gabi ako umiinom. Wow Zelle parang gabi-gabi ka naman umiinom.

Kaya lang b’at kasi may hangover pa.

I slowly drink the cup I'm holding. Baka mamaya magkasakit na ako nito. Too much alcohol.

Tumunog phone ko kaya kinuha ko iyon.

From: Chae

Bilisin mo kaya ng makaalis na ako dito.

Dahil gusto ko siyang asarin ngayon mas binagalan ko pa ‘yung pag-inom ko.

Will he/she ever be here? Baka sabihin noon. Ang abusado ko naman. Baka maubos pera niya. Sana man lang kasi nagpakilala ng mapasalamatan. Patago-tago pa kasi.

It's almost an hour and yet I'm not that drunk. Tipsy lang. I have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol because I’m a heavy drinker.

Hours passed by and I think alcohol take its way to my system. Parang natatamaan na ako. Umub-ob na lang ako sa mesa. I feel like the world is spinning. Well yeah literal naman na umiikot yung mundo but ‘di ko na alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

But I keep on keeping my eyes open. I have to know him/her. Minutes later of fighting between my mind and my eyes. I felt someone carrying me.

"Stubborn."

Was the only word he said. And I know that voice.

I know that voice.