Twin Twist

Lena's POV I was on Dr. Carter's leather couch; my hands were on my legs; they were sweaty despite the cold air in her office. The buzzing air con filled the silent space as she sat expectantly waiting for me to speak. I knew her room always smelled a little like lavender, which was calm but not too overbearing to dull the heavy sensations within my chest. She leaned forward slightly, pen poised over her pad, and said, "So, Lena," she said softly, "how have you been since the last time we met?" I hesitated longer than I needed to, my eyes glued to the carpet underneath my feet. It was so simple a question, but it never really changed in terms of answer. I tightened my throat because I whispered, "The same." Her gaze softened, although it didn't look surprised. "The same nightmares?" I nodded, and before I could stop myself, it came rushing back to me in memory. Same nigh dream or memory ? It came every night. It was not a dream but a memory. I was once again nineteen, hanging out at the bookstore at school, the last shift of the shifts. The streets were dark, and it was hot even at night. I was weary trudging down the road toward home when he stepped out of the shadow. This man was tied into my past about my mother's debts. He stood in my path on the sidewalk looking enraged and speaking harshly. Told me something about lending money to my mother and it was about time I paid it back. I remember how my voice trembled when I told him I had nothing to give and begged him to give me time. His eyes carried an icy chill when he said something that, even after many years, still made me bleed-that I could give him something different instead. He would never let me off the hook regardless of how many pleas I made. He grabbed what he simply fancied-my virginity. "Lena, you're safe now," Doctor Carter said soothingly, bringing me back to the present. "This isn't happening anymore, but the impact will always be there, which makes you keep dreaming the nightmares." I nodded again but failed to meet her gaze, my palms were shaking, even the tapping of my feet on the floor did nothing to help. She went on to explain that I had to keep up with the medication, use the breathing techniques, and do the exercises. I listened. Well, at least expectedly so, because my thoughts were already somewhere else. My phone vibrated in my purse, and I grabbed it, craving some kind of relief from whatever I was feeling. It was Jenna. The message was a short: Where are you, by the way? Don't forget corn, shrimp, and lobster from the seafood market on your way home. I almost smiled at that. Jenna being bossy, even through text. I slipped the phone back into my bag, exhaled, and told Dr. Carter that I had to go. Soon, I was caught within the traffic heading towards the market as the sun began to fade in the afternoon. The smell of salt and fresh seafood filled the air as the voices of hawkers was everywhere , trying to outdo one another and call customers to their stalls. I stopped at my favorite stall and luckily got all I needed in one go, and happily went home. Gingerly, I entered my house and stretched out my arms. The scent of garlic and onions welcomed me. There was Jenna at the kitchen with her hair tied back. She turned and gave that smile, the one I loved so much. "Finally! Thank you, thank you!" she said, grabbing the bags as if I had just given her a gift. "Where have you been? I was almost about to send out a search patrol to drag you back," she added with a smile. "I had... extra work at the office," I told quickly, hoping she wouldn't catch on. As per usual, she missed the lie. Already unpacking the seafood, and her hands were in full movement. I leaned against the counter, watching her. "What are these special dishes for? Corn, shrimp, lobster—this is a celebration." She gave me a look that made me straightaway feel guilty. "Don't tell me you forgot?" My face heated. "Forgot what?" "My fiancé in coming tonight!" she said, half laughing half scolding. The word fiancé rang heavy, sharp in my ears. I mumbled an apology, helping her prep the food, but my chest was tight. I told myself it was just nerves, nothing more. Hours passed until the seafood boil started bubbling and the house filled with the aroma of delicious, appetizing meals. Jenna, cheerfully humming along, was finishing the dining table while her excitement was practically glowing. It was, at that moment, I felt very strange: really happy and sad at the same time. My autistic twin sister was in love: And me? Well, I just kept hiding from every shadow shaped like a man. I excused myself and retreated to my room for a quick shower. The warm water rolled over my skin but washed nothing away, not even the unease that continued to besiege me. I walked out of my shower and wrapped myself up in a towel and made my way to the little safe I had to check inside for my pills. Those pills-the tiny things-formed the only line between me and danger and dulled the panic, the memories. I would need them most tonight. But in my haste, I swallowed two, hoping the pill would help me last through dinner. I felt my stomach tighten when I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. I quickly put on a simple gown and rushed downstairs. Jenna was by the door, practically bouncing up and down. “He’s here!” she whispered in excitement while smoothing down her dress. The doorbell chimed. Jenna rushed to open it. With the happiest of smiles, Jenna remarked, "Lena, this is Ethan - my fiancé." I couldn't care to listen; my mind was screaming as my body trembled. For the man whom I saw before me, smiling in a very civilized manner, holding my sister's hand...was for sure the same man who had robbed me of everything, years ago. The nightmare that I had relived time and time again…was standing in my living room. And he belonged to my sister.