Loving you I lost myself

Chapter 15

Noah's POV

Sitting on the beach staring out over the ocean seeing the sunset i realize it's hours after I left Amy's.

I have been balling my heart out and now that all my emotions have been set free I feel a little relieved, but somehow this sunset is the saddest one I've ever seen.

The memory of the first day I met Elaine is playing infront of my eyes like a movie.

she was sitting on the beach in front of this exact same sunset, looking out over the ocean.

If I had know that loving her would hurt this much maybe I wouldn't have fallen in love with her, but the cruel reality is that it has already happened, And this sunset will forever hold the memory as one of the most painful days in my life.

I sigh before dusting my hand and grabbing my keys as I get up and head to my car.

I get in my car and sit for a while mustering up the courage to head home.

As I pull into the drive way uncle Dan's car is there and I fell my chest constricting at the mere thought of Elaine being home already, I thought after choosing Owen she would enjoy the rest of her day with him, so why was she back?

I sit for a moment catching my breath and I suddenly realized that I am still angry, and seeing her so soon or even talking to her might make things worse.

What if I loose my cool with her like I did with Owen?

What if I end up hurting her in a fit of rage?

All the what if's makes me more nervous.

I make a decision that might cause more harm.

But I can't loose Elaine any more than I already have.

If I can get over this anger I might be able to still fix thing before her birthday.

She might even regret choosing Owen.

I already got wind about the surprise party she and my mom is planning so I planned a surprise of my own, little did I know I might not be able to give it to her.

Before heading in, I need to think...

If I see Elaine I wont make eye contact or speak to her.

I will have to just untill I'm sure I'll be okay hearing her explanation.

I sit thinking about this and that was my final decision.

I head inside and sure enough, the moment I walk in Elaine is standing right by the kitchen door and I notice her eyes are red like...

Like she had been crying...

I want to instantly hold her and comfort her but my decision from a few seconds earlier blocks me and I walk right past her just like she doesn't exist.

When I am now safe in my room I feel tears again come up and swallow hard to keep them for falling.

Putting my keys away not in the usual place, I put my phone on charge as the battery died just after leaving home this morning.

I switched it on and there are dozens of missed calls and messages from Amy, Jason, Owen and of course the Jaing Jang Xia, after seeing those pictures last night I had completely forgotten about her and now that I think about it, her presence caused all this.

If I didn't call her or bring her over here, Elaine would have gone to Amy's and non of this would have happen.

Fuck, how could I've been so stupid.

I decided to call Jaing Jang Xia and ask her to meet tomorrow at her apartment, and she agreed.

I need to end this before it becomes ugly.

I don't go down for dinner and sleep early.

When I get up, its around 7am so I get up and take a shower, walking into the bathroom Elaine's scent hits me full force and my heart starts pounding, to my surprise her scent sill has the same effect on my whole body right down to my rock hard d**k.

I sigh in relieve knowing things haven't changed that much.

I take a quick shower than head out without having breakfast.

When I get to Jaing Jang Xia's place, I head up to her apartment and ring the door bell.

When she opened the door, she is wearing a very thin black nearly see through night gound and I know she must think I'm here for another steamy bed scene but I brush past her and head inside.

I sit on the couch, when I look up she is now completely naked, she sits comes to sit on my lap, I want to push her off but we start making out.

I know I didn't come here for this but my d**k is now in control, soon enough I'm also naked, like all the other times she suck my d**k first, her mouth sucking hard and fast, she comes up and pushed me down, than getting on top of me lower her wet coar onto my hardness, she starts to move her hips slowly than increasing the speed, the way she moves makes every part of me break out in goosebumps.

In one swift move I take over.

This time I put her on the counter top in the kitchen, her one leg up and the other one down, my hand under her ass as I thrust into her, before taking it into her room, her legs around my waistline and my hands on her ass.

I carry her to the room making sure not to let my d**k slip out, before entering the room I slam her against the corridor wall thrusting into her again and again...

I love to hear her moan.

Finally we head into the room and onto her bed.

On her bed I turn her around, her ass facing me, slipping my d**k back into her p***y, I garb her hair with one hand and the other one I grab her shoulder digging my fingers into her skin, this time I really f**k her harder than before making sure she screams.

"AAAH, Noah, aaah yes faster, dont stop."

Hearing her scream makes me fasten my pase, and after more than 30 minutes I c*m, pulling out right at last second.

I watch as my c*m drips down her ass.

I sigh before finally laying down next to her.

This was the first time I didn't use a condom.

Thank God I remembered.

Fuck...

I had completely forgotten why I came over today.

But you know what, f**k it.

Elaine has already chosen Owen.

So I might as well enjoy it.

Now I'm hungry.

We both take a shower and once again go at.

We head to the kitchen and sit down to have breakfast.

I spend the whole day at her place forgetting everything about yesterday.

She had a way of makimg me feel relaxed and comfortable.

As we lay on the couch both naked after another round of s*x,

I hear my phone ringing and I'm brought back to reality when I notice from the window it already dark outside.

I jump to my feet, trying to find my phone, when I find it I see more than 15 missed calls all from my mom, the last one a few minutes ago so I call her right back,

"bleddie hell Noah, where are you,?"

She sounds super pissed off.

"Hey mom, sorry, um I left my phone in Jason's car, sooo.."before I even finish she continued

" Noah, I don't care where you left your phone just get ur ass home this instant, dont make me wait for you! "

Than she hangs up.

Well now I've done it.

I give Jaing Jang Xia a quick smile before grabbing all my stuff, still pulling on my pants as I head out the door.

On my way home I feel kind of nervous, my mom has a very good temper and for her to get this pissed something must have happend.

When I get home, I head straight into the kitchen and to my relief its only mom, after just having s*x just know I didn't want to face Elaine.

I did say I was going to enjoy it but I still feel guilty.

From the look on her face she is fuming.

I give her a sheepish smile before sitting across from her not daring to speak first.

She than trows something at me, it's a black thong...

I recognize it instantly, it's Jaing Jang Xia's.

Now I understand the gravity of the situation.

"Mom, wait please let me explain..."

"f**k this Noah, you promised no more s**t like this would take place once you came back..."

She spits at me her words dripping with venom.

"I know, it just happened once, and I know I was wrong..."

She cuts me off.

"Noah, I dont think you know the gravity off all of this,

I found this in the bathroom behind the basket, if uncle Dan or even worse Elaine found it, don't you think what would have happened!"

My mom runs her hand over her hair.

"Mom, please calm down, I..."

She doesn't let me explain.

"when did you do this Noah?"

I hesitate for a bit.

"Wednesday..."

The fire in her eyes reached a new high.

"How dare you bring you girlfriend into this house knowing, Elaine was also around, I cant believe you, don't you have any shame...?"

She was literally screaming at me.

" I'm sorry mom, okay I'm f*****g sorry!"

She keeps quite, than her head snaps up and she looks at me...

"Now it all make sense why Elaine went to Amy's and why she has been upset this past few day days."

She is trembling with anger.

I need to leave...

I don't dare tell my mother why she was actually upset because she might just beat me up this very instance so I grab the panties and head up stairs not wanting any further altercations with my mom.

" Noah, I'm not done with you, you better fix this... "

I hear her calling out behind me before I finally close my door.

Looking down at the panties in my hand I wonder why it was here, did she leave them behind on purpose.

I wondered still staring at the panties in my hand.

Naaa, I mean she knows we are just f**k buddies so I'm sure she must have dropped it and couldn't find it.

But than why didn't she tell me.

What was she playing at?

Was I making things worse?

I open my bedside drawer taking out the valvet red jewelry box.

Inside are the couples rings I had bought for me and Elaine.

it's her birthday present, I wanted to give it to her at the party, confessing my love to her in front of everyone.

But the fact that she has chosen Owen...

I sigh.

I close the box and place it back in my drawer than I put my phone on charge and head to the shower.

When I open my door Elaine is at door about to go in but she turns to look at me.

When our eyes meet I can see she is hurting and she seems upset at the distance between us by I can't do anything.

I'm not sure about her feelings for Owen.

So I look aways first heading into the bathroom not looking back.

After dinner I head to bed.

The next morning I get up at 10, I shower and head down stairs.

I see my mom giving me death stairs, than I head to my car.

Before I leave I text my mom telling her I'm going to fix things starting with that girl.

And I'm sure she understands who that girl is.

At Jaing Jang Xia's place I dont wait for her to speak when she opens the door, I just enter her apartment...

Once inside I turn on my heals almost immediately.

"What the f**k is this...?"

Holding her panties out to her.

She gives me a faint smile realizing I'm pissed.

"Aaaa, so that's where that went..."

she says before reaching to take them from my hands.

I can see she is nervous, what was she really trying to do?

She heads over to the kitchen counter sitting on top of it her legs wide open, and I know what's she is up to but I can't continue with this.

I need to make things clear.

"Jaing Jang Xia, I hope u understand that whatever we are doing has no strings attached to it and after today I'll make sure it doesn't happen again..."

Before I can continue she smile at me and starts talking.

"Noah, just like you said, to me it also means nothing, I just forgot my panties, it's not a big deal, but I really hope that even if we don't have s*x again we can still be friends, after all I don't have any friend or family in the United States, and going back to Bangkok is a bit hard for me at the moment so I really hope you understand.. "

Looking at her facial expression I'm unable to read whether she is genuine or just pretending.

And what does she mean it's hard for her to go back.

I want to ask her.

Than my phone goes off

It's Jason.

I ignore his call and put my phone back into my pocket.

I head over to her taking a seat next to her on the counter.

I enquiry her about her earlier statement but my phone goes of again.

This time it my dad...

He kept in contact after they divorced but we hardly ever talk so seeing his call I walk out to the balcony to take the call.

"Helo, Noah?"

"yeah, hi dad, whats up?"

"Noah my boy how are you, I only heard yesterday from uncle Steve that you are back in the states, where are you staying, why haven't you contacted me since you got back...?"

I can hear my dad's son in the back ground talking to someone and I feel kind of weird but nevertheless I answer his questions one by one.

We chat some more before I hear his wife calling him for lunch so with that I end the call.

When I realized it alomost 12:30 I head back inside and tell Jaing Jang Xia,that I'm needed back home so I will be leaving.

She stopped me and asked me about the party on Friday.

I was caught of guard.

How does she know about it?

I tell her it's a surprise party for me and Elaine.

"Seeing that we are still friends, do you think I can come as well?"

She asked me while holding onto my arm.

I hesitate for a while.

What if she says something to Elaine.

Can I trust her?

I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

And agree.

Than I head put the door.

When I get home I see uncle Dan in the kitchen, guessing that mom and Elaine must be out.

I walk over to him and sit opposite to him.

He looked like he was thinking some deep s**t,but than

He notices me.

"hey, Noah, were have you been lately, its like you haven't been home in days , what's on your mind my boy?"

I look at him with a guilty conscience than start talking

"Uncle Dan... I really hope that the mistake I made in my past hasn't left a bad impression on you, and I hoped that I can ask you're advice... about something that's very important...?"

He sigh slightly.

"Noah, mistakes are part of everyday life and making them once or twice is okay but when those mistakes become habits they are no longer mistakes, but choices you made, and frankly I don't have any bad impressions of you, I just hope that you coming back home means that whatever is so important to you will be a good choice and not a mistaken habit. "

He stops and smiles at me before continuing.

" so if you really want my opinion you can go ahead, Im not sure if I'll be able to give you the answer you want but go ahead..."

Now I'm nervous.

" Well... I'm not sure about what to say... Or how to explain but..."

Before I can continue uncle Dan speaks again.

" Noah, if it has anything to do with Elaine, I'm sorry but I can't help u or give you any advice, she is very dear to me and whatever is going on with you and her is between you guys."

He looks away.

" but I hope that if you're relationship does develop into something more, you will take care of her, she has been through alot in her short life and I won't be able to forgive you if one day you hurt her, with that said I won't stand in the way of her happiness if she does choose to go on with you,"

He than looks back at me.

"I really hope you understand that I can't really stand by your side until I know she is truly happy with you. "

I look up at uncle Dan and I'm sure mom never told him about the panties she found and I'm relieved knowing he won't be against us dating, so I feel like he just gave me the go ahead.

" Uncle Dan, I really understand and believe me I really have changed, and I'm sorry if this things with me and Elaine has upset you but I promise I won't hurt Elaine ever, no matter what, she means the world to me, and it's because I really love her that I'm willing to make no more mistakes... "

Seeing uncle Dan shake his head with a smile on his face makes me relax even more and soon we are chatting about the lates football game this season.

I think I'm not done fighting for Elaine.

When mom and Elaine come home I feel happy to see her.

I look at her and our eyes meet, I look away and turn around smiling to myself not wanting to let on that I have already overcome most things standing between us.

I grab a beer and head to the lounge to watch the game with uncle Dan.

The whole game I sneak glances at Elaine in the kitchen helping mom packing away the things they had bought earlier.

After dinner I head upstairs, I grab my phone and see Jason's missed calls again, and now that I feel happy-go-lucky I call him back.

The phone rings a few time.

"Noah, what the hell man, where have you been, I thought you would have sorted the s**t with Owen out by now, but u just keep f*****g stalling. What's happening with you,?"

He sounds pissed.

But I'm in a great mood.

"Hey, Jason calm done okay, I just needed to cool off for a few days, bring Amy and Owen over tomorrow and we can sort everything out okay, happy now?"

I hear Jason sigh in relieve and we start talking about other things.

I've been very angry about things but at the end not talking to Jason was unfair, I mean he wasn't even here when everything happened and I can't really blame Amy for trying to comfort Elaine, so I guess I just need to hear the whole story about what happened that night, but I hope to God that it's not what I thought because the excitement of being able to fix things with Elaine isn't something I want to loose.

After talking for over an hour with Jason I put my phone away and retire to bed.

When I wake up Monday moring I recieve a text from Jason.

"Dude u better be ready Owen's still pissed, but please just hear him out... See u in 30 min "

This text makes me nervous but I want to know everything today, and I need to make sure of Elaine's feeling before Fridays party so I get out of bed and head to shower heading down stairs right after knowing they might arrive any minute now.

And I'm right, as soon as I head out the door I see Owen, Amy and Jason heading up the driveway and Jason was right Owen was still Pissed, it was written all over his face,before I can greet them Owen knockes me to the ground.

To my surprise with in a few short seconds Elaine is cupping my face in her hands, I don't know when she came down, but I realized the minutes she started cussing at Owen that all this s**t was for noting.

Owen helps me get up,I see the confusion on Elaine's face as Amy and Jason's laugh at the situation.

I look at Elaine, I wrap my arm around her waist not wanting to waste any more time, not caring who was there or who wasn't.

I kissed her with everything I have, trying to make up for all the hurt and sadness I have caused her the past few days, and to my surprise she wraps her arm around my neck and actually deepens the kiss.

I'm sure Elaine loves me and she chose me, I grab her hand and invite everyone one inside.

Later owen goes home and Amy and Jason crash in my room so I'm left sharing Elaine's bed with her but to my surprise I don't feel the urge to have s*x when I hold her in my arms, I just feel blissful knowing she is now mine,and that for me is enough...

Nothing was ever going to come between us.

I will make sure of it.

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