My beginning and my end

Growing up in a small community can be daunting especially when you an only child and you are the only focus of a depressed parent who don't understand depression and see it as a nuisance. I'm a twenty one year old adult who live with her mother. I know I'm old enough to get my own place but how do I leave my mum to stay on her own. She already have seperation disorder whether it exist or not but the minute I bring up leaving to stay on my own she start crying and telling me that I'm just like my father who left her for another woman. How my independence and my cheating father is connected is beyond me. I just can't understand it and then it's my mother constant talking, like wow I've never met someone who can talk like my mum. I don't know if it's the depression that makes her act like this or what but if I think about it she has been like this my whole life. Maybe that's what drove my father away who knows. My only solace is the library and at night when I dream of him. Him. Every night I dream of him. Handsome, beautiful, powerful and deliciously man. I know you can't describe a man as beautiful but he is heavenly with silver eyes and silky long locks that makes you drool. I'm not sure why I dream of him because I never met a guy like that. No one in this town even come close to that description but my dreams are filled with him and I don't mind. My dreams are so erotic I can't even tell my mother. Sometimes I wish I had a friend who I could talk to about my deepest desires and especially him but I can't seem to connect to anyone so I just keep my thoughts to myself. How do you talk to a mother who most of the time is blaming you for all her sorrows and bad luck? So I prefer to just lock her out and focus on something else. Like right now I can see her talking because her lips are moving. '' I was a singer before I met your father. I got a lot of offers from very rich man to sing for them and a lot of wedding proposals from men with a lot of money but I chose your good for nothing father and look what that brought me. This poor life and you'' As if I asked to be here. This whole week she was going on about my father and his family. Everyday nonstop. Wow my mum know how to blame everyone but herself. '' I would have been very rich if you didn't show up''. I usually stay quiet and let her continue ranting, because if I tell her what I think about her and her blaming games it will get nasty.