At the heart of these imaginings is the total loss of control. Powerlessness can take many forms. The woman who, having pledged her obedience, is forbidden to orgasm until specifically ordered to is no less deprived of power than one who is chained hand and foot to the wall. Quite why for some women the loss of control is the most powerful aphrodisiac is, perhaps, a subject for another day. I’m here just concerned with the relationship between s****l fantasy and the actual practice of submission. It’s clear enough, I think, that what a submissive relationship allows is the expression in a safe and consensual manner of desires which if actualized in total would place her in serious danger. As a submissive she can act out her fantasies, actualize the loss of control secure in the knowledge t
