Finding Hope

Chapter 4

Going on without John was a big hurdle that Lorelei had to climb over, she didn’t want to peel herself away from the house, the only thing left of him. But she had to. Thankfully, he did have food in the fridge that was still good, and she was glad for a place to sleep for the night. Tomorrow, they would move on to the edge of the city.

So she did what anyone would do when given a place to stay despite it being only half way through the day, she did a perimeter check of the street to make sure. She made the kids lock the door and stay in the living room with Hope and the backpack.

She trusted Emily enough to watch her younger siblings, at least for this short amount of time. It wouldn’t take that long. She just needed to be careful and probably practice more on killing the zombies. She only took out one before, and there would be more.

Her knife was gripped in her hand as she walked down the side of the house first, seeing if anything was surrounding any side of it. She sighed in relief when nothing was there, that part being clear. She walked back to the street and did the same with every house, her protective instincts on high like usual. Except she knew kind of the gist of what she was doing. What to look for, where to go, how to defend.

She knew how to kill those zombies and would do it again and again. It was concerning and scary, but she focused on those instincts that seemed to come forth whenever her kids were in question. Everything she did since she left the apartment was for them, and for John, but mostly for them. And John would want her to do exactly what she was doing already.

There was a car that had crashed into a mailbox across from the house she walked by. She went to investigate it, mostly since the car doors were closed and the car wasn’t in too bad shape. Well….until she saw that the hood was smashed and the mailbox was flopped over in the grass.

Eventually they would need a vehicle to get farther from this place, transportation. And her car was in a completely different area of the city. She looked inside and the window was down. She wanted to hope nobody was in there, but there was.

A man had his body folded over the steering wheel, and the bottom half was nowhere to be found. Blood soaked the whole seat and down where the pedals were below. It wasn’t too dry, either. It growled weakly as it reached its arm over to Lorelei. And it was hungry. She didn’t see it as hunger though, all she imagined was he wanted help to stop the suffering.

Her eyes glossed over sadly as she went to the other side of the car, through the rolled down window. And whispered to him, “I’m so sorry this happened to you…” After a few silent moments, she ended the poor dead man’s misery. The knife went into the skull and he stopped moving his arm and head, laying limply against the wheel.

She still couldn’t ever wrap her head around the newfound horror in this world. It was almost torture, to see all of these people. They used to be living and breathing, then something or someone else took that away. It was heartbreaking. She gave him her respects before taking the knife back. She did wonder if John knew this person or if they were friends at one point, and it made everything ache all the more about the world ending.

She just had to carry on and keep going, keep moving forward. Get out of the city, find somewhere to maybe settle down. For how long? Until the world got put back together? If it ever did… She killed another zombie in her path, and another, until she finished with the street.

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Back to the house…

It was around the evening time at this point, which meant the three were hungry. So she made Emily and Chris sandwiches with the rest of the lunchmeat in the fridge and the bread since it was there. Also found sliced cheese, so that was a plus.

Just like this morning, they all sat on the floor of the living room as they ate their sandwiches. It was a weird choice for dinner, but Lorelei had a feeling they would be eating canned raviolis and soup for a while once they were gone. So it helped to not waste any of it.

She didn’t realize how hungry she was until after she sat down. She hadn’t eaten since yesterday actually, which was concerning. She knew she needed to eat if she were to keep feeding Hope and not run out of milk.

She fixed herself a sandwich too, and joined them on the floor after she grabbed Hope and held her in her arms. She smiled down at the baby, and ate her sandwich. Hope babbled and moved her arms, that was the most of her activities though. She should be given tummy time so she could crawl soon but honestly she wasn’t thrilled for the time where she had a third kid that was on the move.

The two of them were pretty quiet, probably because of earlier. She wished she had different news for them. But she didn’t. They were down in the dumps, not wanting to leave the house. And she understood that, it's why she decided to stay the night here. There were beds, walls and ceilings, it was safe. Until they would have to move on in the morning.

Sandwiches were finished, and Emily was the first one to go upstairs for bed. She didn’t seem to want to talk about anything right now. She frowned as her footsteps receded and a door was heard closing. Lorelei breastfed Hope with a blanket over her, and Chris was still there. Like he didn’t want to go just yet. She softly probed him, “What is it, honey?”

He sighed, his little frown covering his face, "I don't like it here mommy… Everything's so different and scary… I don't want to keep running like this…" Even with being merely 5 years old, he had a lot to say. If given the chance, and not overshadowed by his sisters. He continued on, looking at the floor, "How much longer will we be running?"

Lorelei felt guilt tug at her stomach for what she was putting Chris and his sisters through, they deserved better than not having a home and continuing to run. It wasn't fair to them, "We can't stop until we're safe, and that might be found outside the city. So we have to keep moving." There was no other way to live in this new world, than to run and stay alive.

Disbelief grew on Chris's expression, along with worry, like he couldn't be sure, "But- we don't even know if it's safer out there. How can you be sure..? That we won't be in danger every second?" He looked at her and the way he looked could run her over with a train. That much fear and uncertainty about the unknown, the danger. A kid shouldn't have to deal with that. But not just that, she was reminded that Chris was smarter than he let on for his age.

Lorelei wanted the best for everyone, to keep them safe and warm and out of harm's way. But eventually, they would have to learn about self defense and how to protect themselves, how to soothe that anxiety on their own. She shook her head solemnly, not sugarcoating it anymore. She couldn't. He needed to know, "Then…. That's part of the risk in this new world. You learn how to survive, to keep moving forward even if you're terrified. Even if you don't know how. You don't stop. You find something to fight for."

She had so much empathy and warmth in her eyes, she grabbed her son's hand and held it to her heart. He saw where his hand was put, his little sister was also on his mother's heart. He then went up to her face again. He asked one more question, sadly but curiously, "What do you fight for, mommy?"

She didn't expect that question at all but it came out of her mouth so easily, because it was true. What drove her every step of the way and what would continue to drive her, "All of us, my family. No matter what, I protect my family. Even when it seems like we're safe, you can't get too caught up in that. Safety can make you blind, and blind could get you killed. Okay? Never stop hoping for something better, it will save you."

His eyes widened at this realization, in a bit of awe as well, he brightened up. It was determination as well though, "I want to fight for my family too… Can you teach me how?"

She was nervous about that, it was nice that she was able to help him feel better though. To also give him more of a purpose. He was still only 5 so it wouldn't be anything too much for him, "Of course. But tomorrow when we leave, you need your rest." She smiled at the end and he nodded contently, then went up to sleep.

She had to put Hope down to bed and make sure the front door was still locked, and after rocking the baby to sleep, she headed up the stairs. Emily and Chris had their own rooms here, so she went to Emily's first. She saw her curled up in a ball onto of the blankets, like she was hiding herself. Lorelei worried about if she was alright since she didn't talk to her when it came to feelings. She was older, but all of this couldn't be easy for her.

She gently took the covers and set them over her body to keep her warm. She leaned down and kissed her forehead, whispering, "Sweet dreams, darling.." She smiled and left the room, keeping the door open an inch.

Then going to her son's room, she did the same. Except he was practically buried in blankets so she uncovered his head in amusement. Just like her other child, she placed a kiss to his temple, willing them both good dreams. She left his room and tried to get some rest on the couch, not daring to sleep where John used to.