My 26-year-old female tenant

Chapter 12: Asking for shared accommodation

The night deepened, and the alcohol wore off. I zipped up my jacket, lit a cigarette, and walked aimlessly down the street, stepping on the neon lights' shadows. My mind was preoccupied with endless trivialities. Suddenly, I felt a bit tired of my current life. I wanted to do something for my life, but I didn't know where to start, which made me even more confused.

Passing by a hotel, I looked at the scattered lights from dozens of windows, as if I was peeking at pairs of bodies undulating on the beds, making the whole hotel seem to sway. On this night, some people were enjoying the intoxicating night in warm rooms, while others were withering away, walking the streets, enduring the loneliness of the night.

But it is precisely because of such contrasts that the world appears so three-dimensional and real. I should understand that the world has always been a complex contradiction, and someone has to bear the loneliness and loss. So I don't need to feel wronged, I don't need to complain.

But tonight's moonlight is so good, shining on the loneliness with nowhere to hide. So please, immortals in the sky, turn off the moon's power supply. I am willing to bear the loneliness, but that doesn't mean I want to expose it in this bare world!

...

Back at my place, I habitually stood downstairs and looked around. I didn't see Mi Cai's car. I went around to the opposite side of the building and saw her car was there. It seemed she had gotten used to parking it here.

I squatted next to the car, smoked another cigarette, and went back upstairs. I stood in front of Mi Cai's door for a while before knocking.

"Mi Cai, are you asleep?" I asked in a low voice.

"Is there something?" she replied.

"I want to talk to you."

As I expected, Mi Cai said, "There's nothing between us to talk about."

"At least let me say thank you in person for what happened tonight. I'm really grateful to you!"

"You don't have to," Mi Cai still refused me with three words.

"I do. I can't feel at ease if I don't!" I said, opening her door without her consent, in the name of gratitude.

The light in the room was still on. Mi Cai was sitting at her desk, reading a book, or maybe some documents or files.

Mi Cai seemed to be used to my rudeness and didn't react to my entering the room without permission.

I came behind her and took a glance, asking, "What are you reading?"

Mi Cai ignored me, her attention still on the documents.

I just stood there, but in my heart, I was contemplating how to tell Mi Cai that I planned to continue living here.

"Do you think it's appropriate to stand in a woman's room in the dead of night?" Mi Cai asked me coldly.

"I just wanted to say thank you, no other meaning," I hurriedly said.

"Then say it, and then get out quickly."

"Oh..." I responded, and then ingratiatingly asked, "By the way, did you take your medicine tonight? I just heard you coughing."

Mi Cai closed the file and frowned at me, saying, "If you have something to say, say it quickly. I'm getting ready to rest."

"This is what you let me say, don't get angry with me after I say it," I quickly said.

"Then don't say it."

"That's not okay, once the words are out, they're like water splashed out. You let me say it, of course, I'm going to say it..." I finally said after brewing for a while, "Well... To be honest with you, I don't want to move out at all!" After saying that, I subconsciously stood up straight, trying to use a majestic momentum to suppress Mi Cai, to let her agree to my request to not move out.

Mi Cai looked at me and remained calm, saying, "I said you don't have to pay back the money for now, so you have no reason not to move out."

"I said I don't want to move out at all, don't you understand what I mean?" I raised my voice and said.

"But you've promised me more than once to move out. Is your promise so worthless to you?" Mi Cai's words were cold, but her eyes flashed with anger.

"What's wrong with me living here?" My words were also angry. While Mi Cai didn't understand me, I also didn't understand her. There are plenty of people sharing accommodations in this city. Why am I so attached to this room, yet she keeps relentlessly driving me away? Moreover, I believe my character as a co-resident is very reliable; I am a very safe co-resident.

Mi Cai retorted, "You tell me what's good about it."

"Everything is good!" I thought for a moment and then said, "With me living here, if there are any neighborhood disputes or something, I can easily handle them for you. Let me tell you: I am the boss of this community..."

"Don't be so childish, okay?" Mi Cai interrupted me.

I sneered, "You don't believe it, do you? ... You can go to other communities and see if there are square dance aunties disturbing the residents every night. Have you noticed any in the community we live in? ... Right, there aren't any. Let me tell you: Although this community doesn't have property management, having me around is much better than any property management."

"Even if what you say is true, it can't be a reason for you to continue living here. You must move out," Mi Cai still insisted firmly.

I became angry again, "Are you lacking common sense? What's wrong with me living here? At least when the water pipe is blocked, or the light is broken, I can fix it, right? If it rains and you're not home, I'll help collect the clothes, right? Or take today, for example, when you're sick, I can't just stand by and watch, I have to buy you medicine, boil a bowl of ginger soup... Why do you have to be so stubborn and make both of us unhappy?"

"I'm not unhappy."

Mi Cai's one sentence choked me, and after an awkward silence for a long time, I said, "Anyway, I don't want to move. I owe you so much money, I think repaying you first is more important than moving."

Mi Cai unexpectedly asked, "Why do you think repaying the money first is more important than moving?"

I almost answered without thinking, "Repaying your money will make me feel at ease, but moving makes me feel helpless and empty. If it were you, would you choose to repay first or move first?"

"Moving out of here, you can still live elsewhere. Where does this feeling of emptiness and helplessness come from?" Mi Cai continued to ask.

I looked around at everything in the room, and a wave of indescribable emotions welled up in my heart. Mi Cai simply didn't understand my feelings and attachment to this house, so every time she drove me away, she didn't consider my feelings. But then again, she didn't have to consider them. No matter how deep the attachment is, it's ultimately just my own.

I lit a cigarette to dispel the sense of loss and helplessness in my heart.

"Don't smoke in my room, okay?"

Mi Cai's words were filled with disgust again, but I couldn't blame her. I was too presumptuous and ignored the fact that I was still in her room at the moment.

"Sorry, I'll go smoke on the balcony," I said in a low voice.

...

After finishing a cigarette on the balcony, I returned to the living room. To my surprise, Mi Cai was not in her bedroom but sitting on the sofa in the living room.

For the first time, she took the initiative to say to me, "You haven't answered my question yet."

"You just asked me why I would feel empty and helpless if I moved out, right?"

Mi Cai nodded.

I sat down on the sofa opposite Mi Cai, closed my eyes, and the countless days and nights I had lived here flashed through my mind like fragments.

After a very long silence, I finally said, "I moved in two years ago. The days when I first moved in here were the darkest days of my life. I almost suffered from insomnia every night... The reason for the insomnia was that I had a lot on my mind, but I couldn't tell anyone about it. It was hard to keep it in my heart, so I treated the floor lamp, cabinet, wall clock, and even a mop in the house as my friends. I told them the thoughts I couldn't tell anyone. Although they never responded to me, they were very patient. No matter how long I talked, they were patient. So after venting, I didn't feel so bad. I am grateful to them, grateful for everything in this room. They are my support, my friends, so I don't want to leave. I love this room. Although it's simple, it is the safest and warmest place in my world...!!"

After I finished speaking, Mi Cai looked at me with a very complicated expression. I didn't know what this complexity meant at all, and I just anxiously waited to see if she would let me continue to live here.