Forgotten Promises

CHAPTER4: ANASTASIA

“Damn it Anastasia! Keep your s**t together!!" I said underneath my breath trying to remain calm. Pacing didn't help, so I just sat at the edge of my bed. Why the hell did I bring the stupid old letter along, I should have just left it at home. It has become a silly habit of mine to start my day with the letter Nathaniel left me. How long will it take for me to finally let go?

There was a knock on the door. I figured Eunice would want to find out what was wrong.

“You can come in." I told her, thinking of what to say to make her not worry about me.

“Oh s**t! Please go away." It was Nathaniel, not his mother. Damn it. I tried to hide the piece of letter, but he saw me trying to do that, surprisingly, he said nothing.

“Come on! That's no way to treat someone who's trying to help?" He asked, looking at me with those soul piercing brown eyes of his. So annoying, I thought and rolled my eyes at him.

“I never asked for your help, plus, it is nothing that concerns you Nathaniel.” I said coldly.

"Oh wow! Someone's in a bad mood!! What's wrong Anastasia dear?! He teased, trying to sound like his mother. It would have been funny if only I was happy with him. How does he not know that he owes me an apology? I thought to myself.

He sighed and came to sit closer to me. I wish he didn't because I stood up almost immediately, but not fast enough as he was able to hold my hand. I just wish he didn't do that either because that distracted me and he quickly grabbed the paper out of my hand.

“Don't open that, give it back.” I tried to take it back but I couldn't, all thanks to our differences in heights and the strength, my stretching to take it back didn't quite work out. He enjoyed seeing me try. He was obviously having fun.

“I'm amnesiac, not stupid. I know you've been avoiding me and I think it is beyond how I acted yesterday. I am deeply sorry I acted out.” He said gently, taking some strands of hair off my face.” For some seconds we exchanged looks and I quickly moved away avoiding his eyes. He chuckled as if he knew what he was doing to me.

“You really should give that back to me.” I said, a bit nervous.

“I don't like being told what to do, moreover, something is wrong. I'm not sure how I can tell, but I know something troubles you.” Then he finally opened the letter and he froze with an evident shock on his face.

I started to pace around the room. I honestly was not prepared for this!

“I wrote this. I can recognise my handwriting.” He looked at me as if he was waiting for confirmation of his discovery. I wasn't ready for a conversation that had played in my head for so long. At least not like this. Not with him not even remembering what he did or why he went that far, So I ran into the bathroom just to hide away from him!

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NATHANIEL.

I stared at the letter in disbelief! How could I have done this to the woman I loved? The letter didn't even explain the reasons for my actions. Damn it Nathaniel I cursed underneath my breath.

“Please come out, Anastasia. We have to talk about this. You can't hide in there forever!” I said, trying not to panic.

“Go away Nathaniel. Please, go away.” I could tell she was crying! So I just stood by the door waiting till she came out. I stood there for almost twenty minutes before she eventually came out. She had obviously cried her eyes, although she almost had me fooled. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she looked at me and wanted to avoid me. Again.

I couldn't help it, so I pulled her into a hug. “I am so sorry for all the pain I've caused you Anastasia. I hate that I do not even remember anything, still I am sorry. Please forgive me.” Then I tightened the hug and she broke into a sob, like she had kept these emotions buried, I could literally feel her hurt and I hated myself for it.

“I just wish you could tell me why you had to hurt me like this. You left. You left me Nathaniel without even giving me a reason.” She tried to push me away but I wouldn't let her, instead I gently stroked her hair, wishing I could just take the hurt and pain away, unfortunately, I can't as I am the cause of it.

My heart raced at the reminder of it. I guess she could feel my heart racing, so she looked up at me with so many questions in her pretty eyes.

I slowly released her from the hug, not letting go of her hands which I kissed and then lifted her chin so she could look me in the eyes as I sincerely said, “I wish I had all the answers Anastasia! For now I don't and I am deeply sorry.” I paused and lightly stroked her cheek. “I don't mean to be selfish because I know it's gonna be hard for you, but I really really need you to forgive me. Please Anastasia, forgive me.”

She stared at me, as if she was searching my eyes for something. She smiled and sighed softly. “You're truly sorry, I can see it in your eyes.” She sighed again, taking a walk away from me to rest against the wall. “It still hurts and it could take some time, regardless, I forgive you Nathaniel. I guess I'll just have to live with not knowing the answers I'm looking for.”

I slowly walked towards her, probably standing a bit too close, but I didn't mind, the aura around her wasn't like that of us being strangers, it's pretty hard to explain, it's probably just chemistry. I thought.

“We.” I corrected her. “The answers ‘we’ are looking for Anastasia. I can only hope to get my memories back. I am dying to remember you. I saw some pictures of us and we looked so happy and I need to know why I would be stupid enough to throw that away. It drives me crazy!”

“I can only imagine how all this is for you. I know you. You're strong and resilient and stubborn.” She giggled and continued, “I am here to help you anyway I can. We can make new and good memories while we wait for the old ones to come back. You owe that to yourself.” She gently touched my bearded cheeks which sent chills down my spine. She noticed and smiled.

“Yeah, my skin recognises your touch I guess.” I chuckled in embarrassment. She was a bit uneasy and wanted to change the subject, so I interrupted her. “There's something I need to ask you… uhmm.. I'm not sure if it was a memory or a dream.” I stammered avoiding her eyes.

“Okay…then what's making you nervous?” This lady really knows me. I chucked. Again. Damn it!! Well, I told her about it and lucky me, she wasn't upset, instead she hugged me in excitement!

“Oh my goodness! It's a memory Nathaniel!!! I remember coming over to yours that weekend and something was definitely up! You said there were things that you needed to figure out on your own for the sake of your future with me… you never said what it was though, you wouldn't tell me.”

“Now I wish I did, trust me. I'll let you in on everything. I mean it this time.” I said and gave her a peck on her forehead. She nodded and hugged me.

“I am so happy you remembered something Nathaniel. It means there's hope.”

“Yeah… one day at a time right? I also remembered something else.” She quickly lifted her face in anticipation. I could see the excitement in her eyes and her lips were so rosy to not notice.

“This.” Then I kissed her, not minding for a moment, what her reaction would be or what to even expect.