Forgotten Promises

The morning sunlight crept through the curtains into my room as always, giving it a nice glow. If only it could do that to my heart which was heavy with the burden of memories and the sorrow of unanswered questions. I squeezed on the edge of the bed, with the letter which has roughened due to repeated readings in my quivering hands, remembering lost love. This sadly has been a habit of mine since he stood me up on the day of our supposed wedding. I read Nathaniel's now familiar words again as they danced in my eyes, making me regret not pushing hard enough to know the things he refused to share with me. “My dearest Anastasia! I can only hope that one day and under different circumstances, I can explain to you why I did this. I know for a fact that I will regret this, nevertheless, I had to do it for you as I do not want you to be caught up in my family drama which I still cannot talk about yet. I'll always love you my Anastasia even though I do not deserve someone like you! Please don't hate me. I love you. Yours, Now and Always, Nathaniel.” These were the only words he left me with, a written note, explaining absolutely nothing. How the hell am I supposed to get used to the hurt that comes with these memories? It's been years already and I haven't seen or heard his charming voice, five years today to be more precise, yet my heart still hurts whenever I remember him. The room was now empty, lacking his grin, warmth, and presence. We plotted the future together, erected castles in the sky, only to watch them fall. But what drove him to withdraw? What was he fighting in the shadows that he thought leaving me was a way of protecting me? My thoughts were Interrupted by a call from Eunice, Nathaniel's mother. It must be important so I called her back. “Hello Ana, I appreciate your calling back," She sounded relieved. "Nathaniel was in an accident and was in a coma for a month. He is awake now though, but the doctors said they still need to run more tests and place him under observation. He had a brain injury which left him in an amnesiac state. “We all need you here please Ana." She let out a long sigh. waiting for my response. I was too shocked to say anything. My heart clenched at the terrible news. Nathaniel, the man who held heart in the past, now laid in a hospital bed with his memory not intact and hanging in the balance. As if she understood my silence, she continued. “Please come home.” Then she broke into tears. “Having around will help his recovery Ana.” I scoffed even as I tried not to panic. “I'm not sure about that Eunice. Nathaniel left me for things more important, I do not think I hold any special place in his heart, not anymore. That was in the past.” Then I broke into tears. It hurts too much just saying it. But I guess it's time I accept reality. I wasn't the love of Nathaniel's life, even though he'll always be mine. “That's where you're wrong.” She interrupted. “There are things you don't know about Nathaniel, things he didn't want you mixed up in. I can't talk about them on the phone. He did what he did to protect you.” “You're only making excuses for him. Nathaniel threw all we had away without having the decency to give me the details. I deserved better Eunice. You know that. He should have done better.” I cried while trying to keep it under control. “Oh Ana, I'm so sorry to have brought this up.” She sighed. “Your name was the last thing he said before he blacked out. He wouldn't stop calling your name… we also found a picture of you on him. He obviously carried it with him everywhere. I'm not saying this to cajole you Ana, you know me! But I just thought you should know.” “Alright!” I sniffed, trying to control the tears that wouldn't stop. “I'll come home as soon as I can.” “Thank you Ana. There's one more thing you should know.” There was an awkward silence. “I really can't tell if he'll remember who you are or what you meant to him.” Hearing her cry broke my heart!!! “It’s okay, he'll be fine, Eunice. Nathaniel is a fighter. I'll see you soon. Bye.” Then I quickly hung up the phone. Home for me, represented a lot of things like; seeing Nathaniel, my father who didn't care that my brother was locked up in jail for a crime he didn't commit. It means facing the emotions I've been trying so hard to let go of. Home wasn't a place I would run back to right now. It held too many bittersweet memories. Despite the lingering hurt and pain, I couldn't ignore Eunice or forsake Nathaniel. I finally made it to Nathaniel's family estate as I promised, he had been discharged from the hospital weeks ago. As I got closer to the grand entrance of the familiar mansion, the doors swung open as usual. The interiors were still the same as last time I came looking for Nathaniel who was nowhere to be found. I could see Eunice patiently waiting for me. "Oh Ana, you're here." Wrapping me in an embrace, her voice filled with emotions, she continued. “Thank you so much for coming, my darling." I could only respond by smiling faintly. “How are you doing and How's he holding up?” “It's okay to call his name, you know.” Then she smiled in understanding. “This must be very difficult for you. Please come while I show you your room.” Then she signaled the maids to help me with my bag. "So good to see you, Eunice. I'm sorry I couldn't return your calls in the past, I just needed time to deal with things on my own!” “I totally understand Ana! Here's your room.” She pointed as we stood at the entrance. Would you like to see him now or much later? He's in his old room.” “I'll just freshen up and go see him later, thank you.” We exchanged smiles and she hugged me again before taking her leave. I nervously freshened up, not knowing what I'd say to the man who hurt me with zero memories of what he did to me. To us. Damn! “I am here to help in any way I can, then go back to my peaceful, quiet life and keep working hard to get my brother out of that prison!” I told myself looking in the mirror. Deep down I still wanted to look really pretty. For him. What the hell am I doing? To be honest, I'm not even sure coming here was smart. Just the thought of it tightened my stomach! Arriving at the family estate brought back memories of the times he and I spent here together, the sleepovers and family dinners. We were so young. He was twenty-six while I was twenty-three. My footsteps echoed through the empty hallway as I made my way to Nathaniel's room. I became more tense and hesitated opening his door after a knock. I could hear someone approaching the door and suddenly, the urge to run away hit me hard. I was so not ready for this.