A Deal with the Bad boy

The piercing sound of the school bells echoed through the hallway, a harsh reminder that another day of hell had just begun. I muttered a silent prayer, pleading with myself to just make it through the day without any embarrassing moments. As I walked to my Bio class I felt like an outsider looking in. Everyone seemed to have their own clique, their own crew, their own someone. And then there was me- the invisible girl, lost in a sea of faces, too awkward to even fit in with even the nerds. My eyes scanned the hallways taking in the cheerleaders batting their eyelashes talking about makeup, boys and of course s*x, the nerds were huddled in corners, the gamers were glued to their screens, the goths with dark lips and heavy eyeliner mounted the staircases, the jocks…….well been jocks, also the couples who seem to be comfortable kissing and groping each other in public. Despite everything sometimes I can’t help but feel jealous. What would it be like to have someone to love, to hold hands with, to be myself with? Growing up, my best and only friend Sophia was the only one who sort of got me. But even she didn’t fully understand the suffocating grip of my anxiety. It was like trying to explain a colour to someone who’d never seen it before, regardless I’m sick of being the shy and anxious girl who couldn’t even string three words together. My mind wandered to the books I read over the weekend, the ones that transported me to far-off world where anxiety doesn’t exist, If only I could be like the heroines I read, brave and fearless. I finally get into Bio class, and Mr Sanjay’s piercing stare greets me like a cold slap in the face. I swear, the man is allergic to smiling. His teaching style is a nightmare, always putting me on the spot with oral presentations and asking me to answer questions in front of everyone. It’s like he’s trying to ‘’cure’’ my shyness by humiliating me in front of my classmates. Honestly, it’s just making me want crawl under a rock and die, my anxiety is already through the roof and Mr Sanjay’s tactics are like fuel to the fire. I whispered a barely audible ‘’Good morning sir’’ with my eyes fixed on the floor, trying to avoid his intimidating gaze. I quickly scurried to my usual seat in the third row, always hoping to blend in and avoid drawing attention to myself but somehow Mr Sanjay always finds me. I’ve always made it a point to be the first in class, seeking a few moments of silence to myself before the chaos begins. Mr Sanjay grunted in response as he organizes his books for class, I kept my head down fidgeting with my books. Unfortunately the class started to fill sooner than expected, the sounds of my classmates chatting and laughing filled the room. I spot Sophia my best friend, she flashes me a warm smile and smile back weakly, everyone settled down and class began immediately, Mr Sanjay begins to talk about photosynthesis. I try to focus on the diagrams and explanations but my mind starts to wander off, what if he calls on me? What if I stumble over my words? What if I say something wrong? What if everyone laughs at me? What if I’m not good enough? Why am I even here I don’t belong in this class I’m not smart enough, I’m just going to embarrass myself, Maybe I should just pretend to be sick and leave. Maybe I should drop the class altogether……… ‘’Alara!’’ a loud voice pierces across the room snapping me back to reality, I looked up finding Mr Sanjay in front of me I gulped as my palms started to sweat. ‘’Alara, can you explain the difference between C3 and C4 plants?’’ My heart skips a beat as I feel all eyes on me, I took a deep breath and try to speak but my words get caught in my throat ‘’C-C3 p-plants….have a…a…lower optimal temperature…..and….and...C4 p-p-plants…..have…a…a higher optimal temperature…..’’ I feel my face burning with embarrassment as I stutter through the answer. Mr Sanjay’s expression is unreadable, but I can sense the mocking expression on my classmates faces. Sophia gives me a sympathetic smile, but it only makes me feel worse. I’m so pathetic, I’m shy, weak and useless. I hate myself for it ‘’Yes, that’s correct Alara’’, Mr Sanjay says finally, his voice neutral. ‘’No more zoning out in class Alara, I understand your condition but it’s not an excuse’’ he states. ‘’Yes sir’’ I whisper as I take my seat wanting the ground to swallow me up, I fight back the tears in my eyes and the burning sensation in my chest. Why does he always have to pick one me? Can’t he see how hard this is for me? I sat not moving an inch praying he wouldn’t call on me again. As soon as the bells rang I rushed out of class throwing my hoodie on as I walked to the school guidance counsellor’s office. The room was a soothing oasis, all done up in soft pink that seemed to glow with a warm, comforting light. The carpet carpet was so plush I felt like I was walking on clouds, and the desk was a work of art with framed photos and knick-knacks that told stories of their own. And the shelves overflowing with books of every shape and size. Romance novels seemed to dominate the shelves, and I couldn’t help but blush at the thought of Miss Johnson reading such intimate books. Her love for romance novels were evident in every corner of her office, and I adored her for it. It was as if she believed in the power of love, in the happily-ever-after that I’ve longed for. As I settled into the comfortable arm chair in Miss Johnson’s office, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. This was undeniably my safe haven, the one place I could be myself without fear of judgement. Miss Johnson, the schools guidance counsellor and my confidante smiled warmly as she leaned forward her eyes locked onto mine ‘’Good morning Alara, how are you doing? Is anything wrong?’’ she asked, I nodded like a child as she handed me cupcake and I dug in. ‘’Well Miss. Johnson….. I don’t know how to say this…… but Mr. Sanjay’s class is really hard for me. I get so scared and insecure, I know the answers but I can’t get them out, I choke. And when he calls on me….I just freeze, everyone’s eyes on me, the expectations and pressure. It’s just too much, I’d like to transfer out of his class’’ My voice trailed off, and I looked down at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers. I hoped Miss. Johnson would understand what I was trying to say, even if I wasn’t very good at saying things. ‘’Alara that’s okay, no need to get nervous. Ok since you’d like to transfer out, I suggest Miss Irene’s AP Bio class you’re an incredibly smart and capable student…..you’ll excel in it I just know it’’ she beamed proudly, but did I hear her clearly? AP Bio class with all the seniors and people? I started to hyperventilate, I took a deep breath trying to calm down but my worries spilled out in a rush. ‘’B-but, Miss. Johnson………it’s just…….there’ll be so many people……..and seniors! They might make fun of me or even worse pick on me, I don’t want to draw attention to myself’’ Her understanding expression made me feel better. She got it. She knew I wasn’t fond of crowds, and that the thought of seniors intimidating me was terrifying. ‘’You know Alara, you don’t need Bio to be a writer, which is what you truly want to be, right?’’ she asked gently. ‘’Why don’t we just drop it, and focus on your writing skills instead? You can always take electives that align with your passion’’ ‘’R-really? You think that’s okay? I don’t have to take it?’’ I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. Her warm smiled assured me, ’’Of course, dear! Your well-being and happiness are what matters most. We’ll find a better fit for you I promise!’’ ‘’Thanks Miss Johnson’’ I smiled genuinely as I gathered my things it was already lunch time and the cupcake Miss Johnson handed me can’t quite satisfy me. I bid Miss Johnson farewell as I walked down the hallway, my stomach already growling with hunger. I couldn’t wait to tell Sophia about dropping Bio, as I turned around the corner I spotted Sophia already sitting at our favourite table. ‘’Hey girl!’’ she exclaimed, waving me over. ‘’What’s up?’’ I slid into the seat across from her, trying to contain my excitement. ‘’I did it Sophia I finally dropped Mr Sanjay’s class….also bio all together’’ Sophia’s eyes widened in surprise. ’’Really girl! I’m so happy for you, Mr Sanjay’s a d**k anyway’’ I send her a quick glare at her use of profanities. ‘’ We’re 15 we can’t say that’’ I whispered and she shrugs saying she can say whatever she wants, Sophia and I we’re like sugar and spice. We chat for a bit but then the whole cafeteria fell silent with one loud obnoxious voice been heard, I followed Sophia’s gaze to the entrance, where Valerie Thompson who’s apparently the queen bee or Regina George of our school was yelling at Jake Woods her boyfriend. ‘’Jake, you f*****g i***t!’’ Valerie’s voiced echoed though the room, her dramatic tone making me roll my eyes. What’s with snobby girls and making scenes? ‘’You’re actually breaking up in me? In public?’’ she screamed ‘’Val, we’ve been over this. I f*****g need space okay, don’t f*****g turn this on me. You cheated on me!’’ Jake yelled meeting Valerie’s tone. Valerie’s eyes flashed with anger. ‘’Space? You need space? You’re going to f*****g regret this, Jake. I made you, you little goblin. Without me you’re nothing absolutely nothing, you’re going to regret everything you said, you’ll come crawling back to me like you always do!’’ she stormed out of the cafeteria with her minions. The scene unfolded like a bad soap opera, I watched in disbelief. How are they comfortable with hundreds of eyes on them, imagining myself in their position I would literally melt on the spot. ‘’This is going straight on my blog and YouTube channel!’’ Sophia beamed beside me, gosh high school’s something else.