DEAD ALIVE

DEATH.

NADIA,

My ears listen to every gossip that flew around as we work in the plantation,several gossip about the black girls who have manage to get pregnant for their masters,that could never be me i would die before i bring any bastard to this awful world.how could those girls be this stupid to let those devils touch them and still bring a child into this world we live in. they were aware of the living conditions around here especially for those with kids.

i pity those poor women with kids our life was hard enough as it is but theirs was somethings else,they had to watch thier kids get hurt,they had to watch their kids go hungry and some of them even dying before they could even have a life not that they were missing anything but still.

"Yes Martha really did die last night poor thing" Naomi said to the other old ladies who worked with her,i felt my heart drop immediate at the thought of Martha being dead,she was like a mother to me so kind and warm towards everyone she made my life a bit bearable.if truly the martha the spoke of was the Martha i know then we all have lost a precious gem,me especially.

If Martha was dead, master Robert would surely need a new slave to take her place with doing the house chores and taking care of his kids,and who better than me,besides Martha i was the only other female n***o that was allow in the house i at least had an idea on how Martha ran the house hold even though i wasn't familiar with his kids i am sure we could make something work,my body pulse with excitement at the thought of having my own room in the master's house and even my own bed.

but that was short lived as i remember the type of person master was,surely i would not survive working so closely with him,i had a serious problem with controlling my mouth and that was going to get me killed, if i work that closely to him,to be on the safer side i would rather remain in my tiny space.

Martha had pass away had pass away in her sleep,she was really dead her body was given to us to bury master Robert even show and he had somehow manage look as if he cared,the burial ceremony was so sad i had cried a lot during the whole ceremony,father Benjamin was there for the mass and he said the prayer for her soul. though Martha was an old lady probably in her mid eighties she was still strong and lively, i will miss her so much and if there really was an after life then I hope to see her again, but for now let the dead rest and let the living survive i thought to my self as i wipe my face dry of tears as the ceremony draws to an end.

i had to listen to know who would be the next lucky yet not so lucky person to take Martha's place I wanted it to be me,I so badly needed it to me,i really did want to work in the house I wanted all the privileges that comes with working in the house,like imagine all the food I could eat,the soft bed I could sleep in,the less work I would have to do,staying away from the sun and gossips that could get me killed.

but then again the risks where high,master Robert was an angry person he was always angry and I would only make him angrier with my presence,I fear his whip and all the horrible punishment that comes with it,i didn't want any part of it I would rather remain in my current situation.

he hates me enough as it is, he would never miss a moment to call me names like fat and ugly.

I was fat yes,but not that fat I only had a little more flesh than the remaining slaves.my behind was round and my breast were full and big making me to appear bigger than most slave girls.

i didn't think that i was ugly and I know that I wasn't beautiful either but i knew that i wasn't that ugly to be called ugly,i was just your average girl that no one ever seem notice.

I wasn't that dark in complexion and I wasn't light either I was just like my mama,i had a big afro hair that i always kept in cornrows my eyes were the normal brown dead eyes with nothing in them and my lips a little to big for my face but still I was manageable to look at.

every single woman wanted the chance to work at the master's house,they were all talking about it,Martha's daughter carol was confident that she was going to take her mother's place and be able to work in the master's house.she was so confident that she has already began to brag about it to the other ladies.

she was already promising her friends things that would never come to pass,she made me laugh she really thought she was about to be the lady of the house or something how stupid of her.

"what do you think about all this",my friend Anna ask laying next to me.

"nothing,whats there to think about"I said facing her scar face most of her wounds were healing from the beatings she got from master Robert for doing nothing.

"don't you at least want to work at your beloved master's house",she asked with a playful glint in her eyes causing me to laugh.

"he is your beloved master, Anna,don't you dare push him to me",I said giggle

even though the beatings she got and the wounds she sustained were pretty serious I had still manage to laugh about it when she was feeling better.

I had told her she sounded like a pig that was about to die when she was getting whipped,she had feign being mad at me for a second before she join me in laughing at her sorrow.

that was how we survive here laughing at our pain and serious moment,waiting for the next gossip and stealing food when we can.

Anna was like a sister to me,we were of same age,both twenty one and we both had a similar way of thinking,we both help each other to survive this hell.

unlike me though Anna had her mother here with her and her brother Ceaser who is my very good friend.her father on the other hand died years ago after master Robert father have given him the beating of his life simply because he was sick and couldn't make it to the plantation on time.

I have since then fear ever been sick imagine getting beaten to dead for been sick.,we never really speak of her father since then and we really tried our best to never get sick even though it was impossible.

"it would be nice to work there you know if your beloved wasn't crazy",I said seriously.

"I know,thank God for father Benjamin he is the sweetest master ever"Anna said smiling.

she had recently began working at father Benjamin's house with master Robert permission of course.father Benjamin was loved by all negros he was kind to us and he never fail to say a prayer for us when ever we needed him.

he wasn't like father Timothy who had passed away not to long ago,father Timothy was not so fun of negros and he was always very strict and harsh with us.

father Benjamin was a young handsome father probably in his early thirties,he looked to be age mates with master Robert.

Anna had really hit the jackpot of been able to work for such a kind sir,she had escape the plantation.

"you know he even let's me eat what ever and want and he is even teaching me how to read and write".

she said making me roll my eyes,"yes yes Anna you are a princess now and I am happy for you but let me sleep now,some of us still have real work to do tomorrow you know"i said smiling at the happy looking girl.

"you just jealous girl" she said shoving me before turning on her side to sleep.

I was happy for her i really am at least one of us get to live a little.I close my eyes with the thought of my family before going to sleep.

my friend and I sat still in our hide out waiting for mama to come get us,I was getting tired and frustrated its been awhile now and still mama haven't come for me.

I wanted to go check on them I wanted to know what was happening,I didn't feel safe anymore.

there was a loud scream and follow by chaos outside our hide out we were under ground and we could hear the commotion that was going on outside.

they found us they slave masters finally found,my heart was heavy they were going to take my mama and papa now.

I wanted to go kill all the bad men,I wanted to safe my parents from them,but I stay put in Lamin's arms he held me tightly.

I remember mama's warning "always stay with one another no matter what happens,don't let them take you,for you my children are the leaders of tomorrow".

mama would always tell Lamin and I that we were the future of our country,Lamin,me,his friends and my friends were the future of Gambia.

it became quiet but we still stay in our hiding place to avoid been seen and taken by the white men.

I sob softly in Lamin's arms and he gently rub my back while trying to hold in his tears.

mama and papa where gone no one said it but we all knew it,they white men got them,the room was quiet too quiet only soft sobs could be heard everyone was crying for their own family.

I wonder if I would ever get to see my mama and papa again i miss them so dearly already

we have been hiding for five days now and we were running out of food and water.

"we should all start our journey now to the other side of the village,it safer there",Lamin spoke to us all.

I was scared to go out but again I wanted to see if mama and papa were really gone.

"they white men must have gone by now,we shouldn't waste any more time here we must leave before the come back for us".Lamin said and every one agreed.

we all followed Lamin out to witness chaos that had occur days ago,it was a mess everything was ruined and most importantly our parents where gone.

Lamin check outside to make sure it was clear for us all to start our journey to the safer side of our village.

"stay close to me Dia",Lamin said gently taking hold of my hand and pulling me along.

we had walk for some time now and we were all very tired,it was about to get dark so that meant we had to look for a place to hide.

we all drinking  from the small  river when I saw them,they white master,they where here,they were going to get us.

we were surrounded they were too many of them there was nothing we could do, we were just helpless children and they were men with weapons.

there was screaming and crying everywhere as they began grabbing us,children were kicking and screaming as my eyes desperately search for Lamin.

they got him the white men got him I watch him struggle in their hands as his eyes locked with mine.

"Run Nadia run"he scream so loudly as he try to get free,I watch with tears in my eyes as one of them began hitting my brother.

"leave my brother alone"I Scream and ran towards them I didn't get to them as I got snatched halfway.

"let go of me",I cried out while kicking and screaming trying to get to my brother.

"let go",I said but he wouldn't listen to me,I had no choice so with all my might I bit him so hard  he was quick to let go of me.

"ah you little s**t"he scream in pain holding out his blooding arm,the others stop to see what was going on.

I look at Lamin with fear dancing in my eyes but all that change because he was smiling at me,a bloody smile as blood drip down his chin from all the beatings he had gotten .I felt proud that my brother was proud of me,he was proud of me for hurting one of the bad men.

I smile back at my brother proudly before a strong blow was send to my head everything went blank as I fell to the floor.

I swept through master Robert's compound while humming softly to myself unaware of the watchful eyes that was watching me.

I thought about Ceaser and the kiss that we had share the day before he had to travel with his master.

Ceaser was handsome extremely handsome he had the most beautiful hair ever even though he always has to keep it extremely low,his skin was beautiful just like every other thing about him.

he was tall with fair skin and the most gorgeous lips ever,he was a product of rape a son to master Fernsby and a younger brother to master Robert and master Williams if they wanted it or not.

master Fernsby never acknowledge him and neither did his sons,Ceaser was a n***o by law.

I often imagine what it felt like having to call your own brothers master and even your father.it must be hard seeing them dancing in richest while he on the other hand had nothing.

Ceaser was only two years older than me,he was my light in this dark world,I had only started seeing him as a boyfriend recently and we have had just one kiss so far,that was my first kiss I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at him I was so thankful he had to travel the next day hopefully the shame would fade away before he returns.

I stood with my head down in master Robert office he had ask to see me at once in his office when I was done with my work.

I have been standing in this idiots office for over an hour now my feet were hurting like hell but i couldn't complain.

"as you know Martha took care of my kids and the house hold".

he said making my heart jump roughly in my rib cage I had a cue on what he was getting at.

"besides Martha you were the only one that was allow in here,and even if you disgust me and you are one of the most laziest pig i have ever seen,I have no choice but to appoint you to work here until I find a suitable person to work here".

I wish I could attack this man right here and pound him to a pulp.

"go get your s**t,Andrew will show you where to stay and will tell you the rules,keep looking at me and what happens to those gorilla orbs of yours".

he said and i quickly lower my head I angry so angry that I didn't realize that i was looking at him.

"your job here is to take care of my kids,clean the house,make food and most importantly stay away from me".

he said making me want to roll my eyes so badly,I could feels his eyes on me waiting for to see if I would look up at him so he could punish me.

this was what I fear the most having to work at a close proximity with this monster,I wasn't even given a choice to choose if I wanted to stay and work here or remain and work at the plantation.

"Turns out i get to work at your beloved master's house after all",i said to Anna as she braided my hair by the fire side.

"well cheer up my dear he said to stay away from him anyway i am sure you would be just fine just trust me ok and beside think about all the good things that comes with it,like the think about all the fun you would have with the kids"she said happily,i grow loudly before facing her.

"you know how i feel about kids, Anna,and there will be no fun with that man around besides i am sure that those kids are nothing but brats",i said making Anna laugh so hard while pulling my hair."my God girl don't say things like that please, i actually have met those little angels and they are just so sweet".

"really",i said sitting up straight and she nods,

"yea just trust that everything is going to be fine okay",she said finishing up my hair,

i laid facing up on my stupid bed for the last time well at least for now,i kept thinking about all what master had said earlier that day he really was a mean grumpy man what did he even think of himself i never want to be close to him i wish he finds someone who could replace Martha as soon as possible.

i just don't have a good feeling about working in that house i had this terrible feeling at the pit of my stomach i wanted this felling to go away,i turn to see that my dear friend was already snoring and sleeping so peacefully.

i was bleeding so badly but master won't stop hitting me he was going to kill me for real,i don't want to die now.

"she hit me father" his five year old daughter cried out making her father angrier as he kept on throwing hard punches at me ,i was in pain i was hurting so badly.