DEAD ALIVE

SHAME

I was happy truly for now, I truly was happy,I really do enjoy working here, I was not to happy about working here at first but not anymore.

its been two weeks since I moved into master Robert's home and its been blissful, the house was just simply amazing,the furnitures were so beautiful and lavish,the entire decorations of the home was just perfect,even my room wasn't that bad either.

my room was small but perfect for me,it was neatly painted with a nice decent size bed and even a mirror with a wardrope where I could keep all my belongs.there was even I small shower that was adjacent to the room.

I wanted to die of excitement with how everything turned out,I was ask to gather Martha's belongings and take them to her family I cried the whole time while gathering her things for her daughter,I had kept a few of her stuffs for my self as i also consider my self her daughter.

my room was on the other wing of their gigantic house next to the storage room and away from all the other rooms in the house.

Martha's daughter was pissed to say the least,she was so confident that she would be getting the job but things don't always go as we planned.

she was angry that I got chosen over her and she clearly hates me for that,like I care.she and her friends have even foam a small group of people that hated me.

master Robert room and that of his kids and all the other guest rooms where upstairs,leaving just my room and another extra guest room that was never used downstairs.

I was very happy with the position of my room it was away from all the others and no one ever comes down here leaving me all alone to my self,my room was at the end of the dark hall it gave me the creepy vibes especially when I first got here but now I was use to it and no longer afraid.

they kids were just so lovely,just as Anna had said they really were they sweetest little things ever.

lady Sara was five and her little brother henry was only two,they kids quickly warm up to me especially little henry,but Sara was still trying to cope with the lost of Martha hence it was a bit difficult to get through to her.

working here wasn't that hard for someone who have worked in the plantation and have had a taste of suffering for me this was a piece of cake.cleaning their gigantic house daily,I made food and took care of the children that really was a piece of cake for me plus I still get to eat good food.

one of the rules specifically said not to eat what have not be given to me and to never eat out of their plates or use any of their utensils.

master had given me my own plate and utensils that was specially for me,I wasn't allow to eat what I have prepared for them until master have eaten and given me his left overs thats if there was any left after dinner.

I only ate once a day and that was after dinner when master ate and gave me his left overs somedays I went to bed hungry if there was no left overs.

I didn't mind though as I was the lady of the kitchen and i could eat what ever wanted and when I wanted as long as I don't get caught.

I always made sure to gather left overs if there was excess and sneak it back to the slave quarters instead of throwing it,the look on the face of children was simply priceless for me whenever the get something extra to eat before going to bed.

I know how it felt to go to bed on an empty stomach,I was once a kid a hungry and dirty one.

working here wasn't that bad if I was been honest,I stay away from master Robert not that I have any reason to get close to him.

I rarely saw him well except at dinner,he was always at dinner and even at that I haven't been in any kind of trouble surprisingly,he let me do my work and I stay out of his way.life was smooth basically.

my first night here was magical,it was still hard to believe that this room was really mine,and the bed I slept like a baby that night that I was almost late for duty.

there was a knock on the door distracting me from what I was doing,I wipe my hands and went to get the door knowing that it was Sara's teacher Mr Durham.

Mr Dunham was a small round man he wasn't a bad person generally he was quite respectful and somewhat nice to me.

"hello"he said nicely as I let him in and went to fetch Sara for her classes,I walk pass master's office today because he wasn't home usually I would run pass his office just to avoid getting into trouble.

he wasn't home today so I felt somewhat free,"Sara your teacher is here",I said picking up henry while guiding her down the stairs.

I put henry in a safe place to play while I rush to finish my work and I was done before long.

hours pass and Sara was done with her classes she was excited to play with her brother again and he was very happy to see her,those two were inseperatable.

I was good with the kids taking care of them wasn't as hard as I thought it would be but they made everything easy for me the were good kids.

I have never dealt with white kids before so I didn't know what to expect I was sure that thdy were brats but thankfully the were simply amazing,I felt bad for judging them before meeting them.I blame their father.

I put the kids in their playing room make sure the had everything the needed and went back to start on with lunch before Mr grumpy gets here.

I sang softly to myself as I finish up lunch,I ate my lunch quickly before going to get they kids for lunch but they were no where to be found.

I search every room in the house but they where still no where to be seen i began panicking.

where were they I wondered,had someone manage to get into the house while i was busy stuffing my mouth with food that wasn't mine to eat and kidnapped they children.

master was going to have my neck today if truly someone had manage kidnapped his children.

the rebels were fond of doing that,kidnapping their master's children as a way of retaliation towards their masters for been unfair to them or some seeking for their freedom,it never ends well for them.

but then again there was no slave that was bold enough to even think about doing that with master Robert's kids.

they weren't allow to play outside without supervisor but still I was going to Check,i was about stepping out when I heard children giggles coming from upstairs.

I rush up the stairs and follow the sound of their giggles until I found them in their father's office.

my God I would be so dead if they had manage to ruin anything in that office,they weren't allow in there without their father.

I roughly push the door open anxiety pulsing through my viens with the thought of what I was going to find in there you never know what to expect when you leave kids alone.

they were in here playing with their father while I went crazy looking for them,wait their father, when did he get here.

I must have been busy stuffing my face with food that I didn't hear him come in I am so stupid. I quickly bow my head when I realize that I was staring for too long.

"sorry master its time for their lunch",I said playing with my fingers.

"the only master I see here is you,coming in here like you own the place,looking at me in the eye with no fear at all".

he said folding his arms I could feel his heated glare burning through my skull.

"I am sorry",I said shaking by now i have manage to earn my myself I good ass whipping now.

"Nadia",henry said running to me and lifting his hands up signaling for me to carry him.I was so thankful for the distraction.

I was quick to carry the little cutie in my arm balancing him on my hip while inhaling his sweet scent.

he began playing with my hair pulling softly at it,but his father he to ruin it.

"stop touching that dirt henry,I have told you so many times",he said taking his son away.

"don't let him play with that dirt again,and close that thing when you are around us",he said grabbing his daughters hand and walked pass me.

I was relief that they kids were fine and that I had escaped this time without a good beating.

I ran down to my room grab a scarf,wrapped it around my hair before rushing out to go serve lunch.

I didn't included master when making lunch since he was never here anyways and i already ate half of the food but I had somehow manage to get him something to eat.

I didn't have to feed henry as he sat on his father's lap and his father help him with his food.

I stood at the side with my head bow as they ate and chat amongst themselves,all I could do right now was to be thankful that I had already had lunch before all of this madness.

"Nadia",henry called out to me while getting out of his father's arms and running to me,he open his hand and offer me the single pea that he had in his hand.

This made me smile so wide,he was just so cute he wanted me to eat to since I was the only person in the room that wasn't eating,I smile warmly at him while asking him to go ahead and eat his pea

"Nadia Isn't hungry",his father said while directing him back his seat.

"but she is hungry father,Nadia never really gets to eat anything",Sara said kicking her legs while eating,my heart melted.

"Nadia would eat later"their father said getting pissed.

"why can't she eat with us now father,she always looks at our food while we eat",she whined,my god this was so embarrassing kids really had no filter and I never look at their food.

"Nadia would eat when I say so,she is here to serve you and not to eat",he said making me roll my eyes internally.

"now sit still and eat your food you know the rules",he said sharply.

this children were just too sweet well at least for now until they are taught to hate,until the are soon consume in that black hole of endless hate and anger,kids do not know what hate is,no one was born with hate in their hearts it was something the learn.

This people let hate and anger to consume them and eventually the manage to ruin their own happiness in the process.

look at master Robert,hater and bitterness was all that man knew even before the passing of his wife he was always a miserable man,he was every n***o worse nightmare.

I didn't want my sweet henry to end up like his father but who was I kidding the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.

lunch was soon over and was so relief that masters poisonous glare was over.the kids left with their father to go play outside giving me chance to the clean up.

I clear the table,did the dishes and other little things around the house before going back to my room to relieve my self before getting started with dinner.

dinner was ready and everyone was waiting to be serve,I serve dinner and proceeded to feed Henry while Sara and her father ate quietly there was less chatting unlike during lunch.

it was always a struggle feeding little henry but I always manage to have something send down is tiny stomach.

"look father she's doing it again",Sara said to her father softly hoping that I wouldn't hear her.

"doing what Sara",her father ask giving her his attention.

"looking at our food again",my god why does this child hate me,her father breath in deeply clearly not in the mood to speak about this again.

"stop looking at their food Nadia"he said without looking at me clearly bored.

"but she is hungry father",she tried again

"Sara",her father said with warning and she went back to quietly eating her food,I seriously need to have a small chat with her about this.

dinner was over soon and there was no leftovers for me which i have expected but I didn't mind even though I didn't make dinner for my self as it was to risking to be caught eating right now,master was angry enough as it is imagine getting caught by him right now.

they kids played around a little while I did the dishes before taking them to their rooms.

"common go say goodnight to your father both of you",I said to the both of them they went inside their father's office while I waited by the door.

they came out with their father before long who glare at me before saying their final goodnight he went back to his office and the kids both ran to Sara's room like they always do.

henry and I sang to Sara as I tucked her in bed for the night,it was always like this I put Sara in bed first before henry.

"are you hungry"she ask with her hand on my cheek making me smile,I decided this was the right time for out little chat.

"Sara just like your father said I would eat later and beside I never go hungry,so don't worry your pretty head and go to sleep"I said tickling her.

"goodnight Sara",we both said and I gently close her door and putting henry in his own bed it didn't take long for the energy ball to fall asleep.

I make sure that everything and clean and in there place in the house and I was done and ready to sleep,but I couldn't I had to wait until master have gone to bed.

I sat in the kitchen for a very long time doing nothing until finally the light in his office was out letting me know that he has gone to bed.

I went to my room and quickly stripped out of my large hideous dress the weather wasn't that friendly and that dress made everything worse.

I sat naked in front of the mirror as I put my wild hair in big corn rows I wasn't worried about my privacy as it was just they kids who were sleeping and their father who was also sleeping that lived here.

no one ever comes down here so I was sure of my safety I sang to my self as I did my hair.

they door was suddenly burst open making me to scream so loud,I immediately cover my mouth with my hands afraid of waking up the kids.

I was shock to see master down here in my room eating out of my nakedness my god.I quickly grab the closest dress next to me and throwing it on.

"master",I said bowing my head,I wanted to just cry this has to be the worse day of my life honestly,what the hell was he doing here at this hour.

"what the hell where you doing naked",he rub his face taking a deep breath.

"its my room you i***t,I could be naked when I want",I scream so loud in my head.

"you clearly are trying really hard to pissed me off",he said with his on my neck squeezing it hard.

"you entered my office like a lunatic,lost my kids,look me in the eye and you are trying to turn my kids against me you little s**t",she said squeezing harder he was going to kill me.

"you clearly don't care about the rules,keep pushing me and see what happens to you little s**t,I could squeeze you to death right now",he said throwing me hard to the ground before running away.

my neck was hurting badly but I didn't Care I cried so hard,I hate him so much no man or woman have ever seen me naked.

I felt so humilated,so violated I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.die,die,die just die and forget everything stupid Robert.

I manage to get myself in my bed,wrapped my self in my blanket and cry my shame to sleep.I felt so humilated.

I woke up earlier than usual mostly because I kept having nightmares about that awful sick shameless man.

he broke me, I promise my self to never stay naked ever again not even in the bathroom,I did my morning routine and rush out to start with breakfast before they kids came down with their father.

I am a strong woman and I refuse to be brought down by him not today not ever,I was going to go about with my life like nothing happen and try to stay away from him,my neck still hurts.

breakfast was ready I quickly ate mine and set the table they kids would be here soon.

the whole motivation wall that I have built to protect my self came crashing down the second I saw him.

I wanted to run away from him and never come back,it felt as if he was laughing at me,I wanted to roll down that stairs and die.

I quietly serve breakfast and everyone ate quietly while I feed Henry,thankful Sara didn't accuse me of looming at looking at their food today.

breakfast was soon over,Sara went for her classes and henry was quick to fall asleep leaving just me and their father.he refuse to leave the house today,he was after my life clearly.