Blood on the Katana Sword

Chapter 2

Some crappy day today turned out to be. I feel horrible. For Jeanne. For all the transgenders and genderqueer people in the world. For my band. For myself. “Battle of the Bands” quickly escalated into “Battle AGAINST that one Band” after just ONE song. My favourite song that I wrote, too. The whole period in the auditorium after that felt like a living nightmare.

So my bandmates and I were performing The Light of Shadow just like we practiced. I drank lots and lots (and lots) of water, accompanied by numerous trips to the loo, to keep my throat hydrated and my voice and vibrato in tip-top condition pre-show. I sang every lyric right and made no mistakes. I ended the song with my signature “Rock-Banshee Screech” (Matt first called it a Banshee Shriek because it sent some SERIOUS chills down his spine the first time he heard me do it. Haha!) and looked up at the audience. They gave me pretty modest applause and (if I’m not mistaken) I saw some phone camera lights flashing. But still, no hooting, cheering, or holding up or waving any signs like in a concert but I was still pretty pleased because eh, this is just our first show. It was a decent audience, until this bully from the centre row of seats stood up and threw something at poor Jeanne (a soda can, I think), who was still sitting behind her signature THRASH-METAL-CAN drums (she collected them from her own backyard, an X on them and called them THRASH drums just because. It was her own idea. We have the coolest transgender female drummer on our team). The bully told her to “be a good lady and put those trash cans to good use and pick up my trash”.

Suddenly, EVERYONE in the auditorium — every student, at least — burst into laughter and was agreeing with the bully. And THEN they TOO started throwing random things to the stage and hurling all sorts of transphobic insults at Jeanne. Words like “tranny”, “butch”, “sheman”, “shemale”, “lesbo” and even “confused”, “psycho” or “possessed (by a demon, coming from those more religious kids)”. I swear, whatever things they threw that might have hit Jeanne, they don’t hurt as much as those words do. I could tell by the look on her face as she ran off the stage and left her instruments behind, on the verge of tears. None of my band and I got seriously injured or even scathed, but Jeanne is the only openly transgendered girl in this college and she never had this kind of treatment before prior to the show. I just assumed that everyone in college is generally accepting or apathetic about her transition but now I guess there ARE still bigots and homophobes/transphobes in this godforsaken institution. Just that nobody had enough guts to make any peep out of it until some asshole started it. It takes just a single bloody spark to ignite a whole damn wildfire, I guess.

After the show, and after all the crazy students were sent home (a large number of them were even written up for assault. Good for them.), Jeanne couldn’t be found anywhere. Matt, Scotty, Daisy and I looked all over campus and found her (finally) crying alone in the closet of an empty classroom. Our poor girl came OUT of the closet not too long ago with much, much courage and willpower. But now society has forced her back INTO the closet. LITERALLY. If this s**t keeps up, how am I going to come out eventually, too? Will I face the same harassment like Jeanne? Should I expect it? Will those around me still love me and be on my side? If no, then will I be able to love MYSELF???? :’(

And some straight, CISgendered people DARE to ask us why don’t we “just come out?”. HUH. If only they knew what we have to prepare for and whatever would be in for us……

After consoling Jeanne, we decided altogether that we shall continue performing in gigs after we graduate, and collect $$$ to fund and support and LGBTQA+ -friendly communities across the country (and overseas, too, if possible). We can start all around our state, New York, and see if there are any NY companies/groups we can talk to for more info on how we can help. We would be doing charity AS WELL AS working on and promoting our musical talents. Who knows, some artist and recording company may even discover us and sign a contract with us after knowing about our philanthropic efforts and skills!!! :D This is a really good plan! All the things we can come up with when we put our heads (and hearts) together. Speaking of hearts, it would do Jeanne’s (and my) heart some good to help minorities like ourselves. Jeanne and the rest may not know it yet, but someday their lead singer might face the same kind of bullshit they just experienced today. Someday their lead singer might drag them into a situation that might get them hurt and who knows, they may hate me for it. I hope that day never happens.

E.

After-College Plans

1. Keep performing with Red Blossoms

2. Collect & donate $$$ to the LGBTQA+ community

3. Look up boys’ names (internet, books, name lists, and even graveyard tombstones if necessary, anywhere helps). *Avoid: Marcus, Desmond, Wilson, Joel, Ken, Roland… all them irksome ugly bullies’ names.

4. Stop wearing makeup. Throw it all away. I don’t have much anyway.

5. Try men’s hygiene products & toiletries (facial cleanser, cologne, shampoo) and even men’s accessories (watches, macho-looking but not too heavy bracelets and rings, brass knuckles, neckties Nope. Too formal. etc.)

6. COME OUT TO THE WORLD!!! (Slowly & quietly…… to family and friends first. Gulp!) Let the world eventually figure out who WHAT I really am. Not everyone needs to know, I guess. If they do and accept it, good. If not, I don’t care. If they don’t know, I don’t care either.