Assuagement

Chapter 7: Genuine talk

While thinking about us, I couldn't help my tears and remembered all the happy times we had together thinking how we'll never have that now. Again like every day after our breakup , I cried myself to sleep thinking what possibly went wrong and why wasn't I able to do anything about it. 

The next day V bid us goodbye as Jane was here and knowing that I wouldn't be alone now, he decided to go back. Well, he did warn me to take his each and every call no matter where I am and before he could say anything, Jane just pushed him out of the door.

As she shut the door at V's face, Jane took me by hand to her room and I just lied on her bed. I just don't wanna hear it. She'll just say I knew that he would do that to you one day, I did tell you so didn't I.

"You wanna talk about what happened?" she lied next to me. To my great surprise this was not what I was expecting from her. 

"I don't know what to talk about Jane! I don't even have a slightest idea about why he did that...!!! I...I feel so goddamn frustrated and miserable, it may not be because of the fact that we broke up but the way he broke up with me. And also because I don't know the reason behind why he did so and that's what's bugging me. I wish I could talk to him but I guess it'll never happen. I felt that he just wanted to throw me away, far away where he won't reach me and no matter what now Joe won't look back, will he? He'll just hide where I won't be able to find him." What did I really want? Did I want to see him? I don't think I'll be able to ask him anything if he'll be infront of me.

"Why do you think he wanted to throw you away G? What made you think that?" 

"If he didn't then why would he take me to the place like that and leave me there? He knew it is so hard to get a means of transport there." He had it in his mind the whole time. I felt so much anger boil in my heart, if he wanted to f*****g break up with me then why he told me we were going for a date. 

"Do you think he was cheating on you? He's had been acting a bit weird from few months." She asked and my mind just went blank . I hadn't even gone in that direction. 

I loved that man so much that i never thought it was possible that he'll like someone else the matter of cheating was the last thing i think he would have done. Was he really cheating on me? Was he really being like that because he found other person.

"Will he do that, he won't be able to face me if he did that." I tried to reason myself.

"We should try to find out about that .Why do you think he did what he did? Don't you wanna know? "She tried to get me see the big picture from that. 

"Jane I'm scared what if that's really true. I don't know what I'll do to myself." I wanted to know the truth but what if it's too much for me to handle. I started scratching the back of my head, i've been doing that so frequently nowdays that i have a wound at the back of my head already. 

"But babes if you keep this on, it surely would be much harsher than knowing the truth." She reasoned. 

"It's true but we'll talk eventually won't we?" I was being irrational but I wanted to run away from the truth.

"G you just told me that he'll never be back. Has he answered your calls or texts?? What made you think he'll come talk to you?" When she said that i unconsciously began to bite my nails. That's one habit i really need to keep on bay.

Whenever i hear things i don't like i start to bite my nails or rub my hands on the clothes i'm wearing as it gets sweaty.

"Will it really be okay if I talked with him? I want to ask him the truth about what was wrong either with me or him. That's what I should be doing right?" I asked Jane looking at her reaction. She just smiled at me. 

"So my dear G... basically, what you really need is a closure with him right? " She said stretching her voice as in she really thought hard about what I was saying. 

"Yes, maybe I'll be ready to grasp the situation a bit better if I get closure, at least that will feel real. This all seems so surreal to me right now. I never thought this day would come, never even imagined it really.." I tried to give my thoughts some words; this should have never happened, this feels so bizarre that I am in this situation right now. 

" You're feeling this because you've never really imagined your life without him and this situation right now is completely out of your imagination. I guess that's what's frustrating for you, isn't it?" Jane said not quite looking at me. 

I guess that is what it is. I made Joe my one and only, and when he left me without even giving me a reason and that kind of took a toll on me. 

"Jane! Will I ever be able to get over this? What am I supposed to do now?" I asked. I felt so angry that tears start to rush out. 

" I know what you're feeling right now G!" She looked me in the eyes and gave me a sad smile. Oh my god was Jane still not over Tan? I felt my heart wreck for her too. 

" Do you still miss Tan?" I asked sensing that her sad smile is because of Tan. 

We first met Tan in the coffee shop around 3 years ago. He was sitting across our table and when Jane saw him, it was love at first sight kind of thing. She stared at him the whole time we were there and as we were about to leave, she just rolled a tissue paper with her name and number on it to his table and smiled and ran out. She literally ran off and bumped into an guy's back. Joe and I laughed our asses off at her antiques. But to our surprise, the guy did text her after 2 days. They started to talk and hang out for about a year and a half because neither of them asked each other out, I guess they were both afraid to do it. When Jane couldn't take it anymore, she asked Tan out and they were together for about half a year. Jane was really happy when she was with Tan but he moved to an another state about a year ago and they started to have less and less conversation to the point they didn't even talk anymore. I guess long-distance thing didn't work for them. 

She got so isolated after that. She used to be much more cheerful than she is now. Tan took a part of her and she doesn't know how to bring it back. That's why she ghosts out so often. She's searching for ways to fill up the empty space in her heart. That's why I never ask what she's up to when she goes out like that. I know how much she's hurting inside. 

" Maybe, Maybe not. but I always wish for his well being." She still loves him. We all thought that it was just a childish crush. She always has that kind of crush for a random person from time to time and we thought she would get over him after a few months but that never happened with Tan. 

" You know. I didn't hate Joe from the beginning right?" She asked me. 

"Huh... What ? I thought you always hated him, I never thought you had reason to hate him." I told her not thinking there was a reason behind that hatred my best friend had towards my ex-boyfriend. 

"I started hating Joe after Tan and I stopped talking. It's because he reminds me of Tan so much. His smile and the way he always goofs around. I was trying so hard to forget Tan but every time Joe came in front of me, it reminded me of Tan and I wasn't able to take it." She said staring at the ceiling. 

Though, they didn't look quite similar in physique as Tan has a stout body but Joe is a lot skinner. But they both had the same height and had similar tanned skin and brown hair and those paris brunt brown eyes and chiselled face. When they stood next to each other, many confused them of being brothers. 

It never crossed my mind that she might hate Joe because of Tan. Now I understand a bit what the hate was all about, it was all directed towards Tan.

"I never even felt that you started to hate Joe because of that." I told her honestly.

"Yeah! You're just like that." Well most of the time I'm quite unobservant about everything around me.

"So babes, I'm gonna make Joe come and talk to you. Because I didn't get the closure that I needed from Tan, doesn't mean that you can't get yours." She stood up as she said so and went to her cupboard and took out a dress. 

"What do you mean that you're gonna make him talk to me? You're going out now?" I asked in a panicked voice.

" Don't do anything stupid okay Jane?" I again started to bite my nails and it begining to hurt now.

" Don't worry babes, I'll just go and make him talk to you. Maybe you should start coming to uni from tomorrow." She said and just went off. 

I don't know what outcome this will bring but I guess I'll be going to uni tomorrow. 

A/N: This is the longest chapter i've written so far.Hope you're enjoying