Lethal Attachment

Chapter 5

Acting

"After lunch na kayo aalis?" gulat na tanong ni Laurel at mukhang dismayado. "Oh my gosh! It can't be! Wala ka pang damit! You need to go home and get dressed properly for the occasion."

"Uh... Maayos naman ang suot ko," sabi ko habang inaalala sa aking isipan ang hitsura ko kaninang umaga nang humarap ako sa salamin para ayusin ang sarili.

I was wearing a white chiffon long sleeves tucked in a nude bandage skirt. I believed that I was wearing a semi-formal attire that can be considered as an attire that's proper for the occasion.

Bayolenteng bumuntong hininga si Laurel. "Kriesha, alam ko at nakikita kong maganda ka at kaya ka nang dalhin ng mukha mo pero kailangan mo pa ring manamit ng formal para sa party mamaya," pangaral niya sa akin. "Maraming mga mayayamang negosyante at sikat na personalidad ang pupunta roon. Kailangan ay humalo ka sa kanila. Kailangan mong makipagsabayan."

"Laurel, wala naman akong balak makipaghalubilo at makipagsabayan sa kanila at saka sekretarya lang naman ako ni Rojan. They wouldn't pay that much attention to me," katwiran ko.

He massaged the temple of his nose as a way to express his frustration on me. "Believe me..." he said and stared straight at me. "I've been with him to parties as his secretary and it's a must that I should be blending in with the crowd. If you're going to be Sir Sarmiento's date tonight, you're instantly going to be one of the main attractions in the event."

I was slightly taken aback. Agad akong umiling bilang pagtanggi sa kanyang naiisip. "Hindi niya ako date mamayang gabi, ano ka ba!?" sabi ko at bahagyang humalakhak. "Isasama niya lang ako dahil siguro ay kailangan niya ng sekretarya. He must be fishing for a possible investor."

Laurel just rolled his eyes on me. "Hay nako!" he grunted. "Let's not talk about that anymore. Mas problemado pa rin ako sa outfit mo."

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako dahil mukhang hindi niya titigilan ang pagdiskitahan ang suot ko. Gustong-gusto niya akong magpalit ng damit gayong wala na akong oras. Any minute from now, Rojan might be done eating his lunch already. Malapit na kaming umalis kahit na hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangang ganito kami kaaga aalis.

"Kung sana kasi ay sinabi mo sa akin bago pa tayo kumain ng lunch, nakalabas pa sana muna tayo para bumili ng pwede mong maisuot para mamayang gabi," pagsisi niya sa akin at saka humalukipkip. "Pero kasalanan ko rin dahil hindi ko naalala na bukas na pala 'yon. I should've told you beforehand to prepare for it. Ugh! I'm such a stupid beautiful gay."

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi upang pigilan ang matawa sa kanyang hitsura. "Laurel, ayos nga lang sa akin na ganito lang ang suot ko mamaya," nakangiting paninigurado ko sa kanya. "At saka kung bibili pa ako ng maisusuot ay gastos lang 'yon. Nagtitipid ako at kailangan kong mag-ipon."

"Girl, you don't have to worry about that. We can use the company card for it since you're going to buy a dress that's needed for a business occasion," he informed me.

"Aksaya pa rin sa pera 'yon," pilit ko. "Kaysa maaaring maidagdag sa proyekto ng kompanya ay mapupunta lang doon."

Maarte niyang hinilot ang kanyang ulo gamit ang dalawang kamay at nakataas pa ang hinliliit. "You're so impossible, Kriesha," sabi niya. "Bahala ka na. Wear whatever you want. Act however you want."

Ngiting tagumpay naman ako dahil sinukuan niya na rin ang pangungulit sa akin. Sakto namang tumunog na ang intercom bilang alert galing kay Rojan at alam ko na ang ibig sabihin no'n kaya naman kinuha ko na ang gamit ko at nagpaalam na kay Laurel. Ngunit bago pa ako tuluyang makalabas ng opisina ay biglang pumasok si Rojan sa loob.

His eyes first darted at me before he shifted his gaze to Laurel who suddenly became prim and proper. "I'll leave you in charge with the office while we're out. If any problem occurs, don't hesitate to inform me about it right away, okay?"

Tipid na tumango si Laurel at seryosong-seryoso habang nakatingin kay Rojan. "Yes, Sir."

Rojan averted his gaze from Laurel back to me. "Let's go," he said.

Tumango na lang din ako at nilingon muna si Laurel bago kumaway sa kanya bilang muling pagpapaalam ngunit hindi niya man lang ako nginitian. Probably, because Rojan's here, he's trying to maintain his manly posture to the point that he's already being snobbish.

Hindi ko na masyadong inintindi pa iyon at pagkaharap ko namang muli kay Rojan ay nakakunot na ang noo niya sa akin. Mabilis niyang sinulyapan si Laurel at saka tuluyang umalis sa aking opisina. Walang pag-aalinlangan naman akong sumunod sa kanya upang maabutan ko ang kanyang paglalakad. Nang medyo napalapit naman ako ay bahagya kong binagalan ang aking lakad upang magtira ng sapat na distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa.

I shouldn't get too close to him. I didn't want people to look at me or give me attention just because of him. I didn't want to be involved with him in any other way. Being his secretary was already too much for me to handle. I knew I already crossed the line I drew when I accepted this job, but I wouldn't let myself go farther than that.

I got a text message from Laurel when Rojan and I were both settled inside the car. I bit my lower lip to keep myself from smiling while reading the message, but I couldn't help myself. He's so funny.

From: Laurel

Gaga ka! Bakit mo ako nginitian kanina? Pakiramdam ko ay maiihi ako sa tingin ni Rojan sa akin!

Magtitipa na dapat ako ng reply para kay Laurel ngunit nang tumikhim si Rojan ay napatigil ako sa aking nais na gawin. Sinulyapan ko naman siya ng tingin at kagaya no'ng nakaraan ay seryoso pa rin siyang nakatingin sa daan habang nagmamaneho.

I must be distracting him, so I just decided to keep the phone inside my bag. I also adjusted myself on the shotgun seat and sat properly, placing both of my hands on the top of my bag.

"How's Laurel so far?" Rojan suddenly asked in the middle of the deafning silence.

Muli ko siyang nilingon at saka ngumiti. "Masaya siyang kasama at marami akong mga natutunan sa kanya," sagot ko na walang halong kasinungalingan. "Nakita ko rin na sobrang dedikado siya sa trabaho niya. Napaisip tuloy ako kung bakit mo siya pinalitan..."

Bahagya siyang nagtaas ng kilay sa aking sinabi. "Kung hindi ko siya pinalitan ay wala kang magiging trabaho. Gusto mo ba 'yon?" walang kwentang sagot niya sa akin na mayroon pang halong pang-iinsulto.

Kumunot ang aking noo nang may napagtanto. "Sinasabi mo bang ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya naalis bilang sekretarya mo?" paninigurado ko sa kanya.

Rojan violently sighed and clenched his jaw. "Laurel is a very efficient employee. It'd be a waste if he would just stay as my secretary, that's why I offered him a higher position and he took that opportunity," he told me his reasons. "To think that he's so focused with his work, I believe that he'd be able to manage the new work loads I've assigned to him."

Napaisip naman ako dahil bukas na ang huling araw na makakasama ko si Laurel sa opisina bago siya lumipat para sa kanyang bagong trabaho na ibinigay ni Rojan. It'd be another adjustment once he leaves. I hope we could still hangout after that though. Sa tingin ko ay masaya siyang maging matalik na kaibigan.

"Mailap din siya sa mga babae at wala pang balak makipagrelasyon, kaya naman mas kampante akong matututukan niya ang mga employees na hahawakan niya," dagdag pa ni Rojan.

Mabuti na lang at napigilan ko ang aking sarili sa paghalakhak. I tightly pursed my lips to keep myself from laughing. Nilingon ko na lang din ang bintana sa aking gilid habang iniisip ang sinabi ni Rojan.

Paano siya hindi magiging mailap sa babae, eh, ikaw lang naman ang gusto niyang makita, makasama at makausap, Rojan. Grabe! Hindi ako makapaniwalang talagang napaniwala ng bading na 'yon si Rojan. Nagawa niyang maitago ang kanyang totoong pagkatao sa loob ng halos na dalawang taon. Kahanga-hanga talaga ang pagtatago ni Laurel.

Pakiramdam ko ay biglang nahulog ang aking puso nang naging mabilis ang pagliko ng sasakyan patungo sa parking lot ng isang mamahaling mall. Nilingon ko si Rojan at kitang madilim lamang ang kanyang titig sa harapan at mahigpit ang hawak sa manibela.

We're still almost an hour away from Resorts World if my estimation was correct. I didn't know why he suddenly pulled the car in this mall. Maybe he has another unscheduled meeting with someone.

"Uh... Do you have another unscheduled meeting, Sir?" I formally asked Rojan when he already parked the car on the top floor of the parking lot.

"No, I don't," he simply answered before pulling his car keys from the ignition and going out of the car without any other word.

Alam ko namang dapat akong sumunod sa kanya kaya nagmamadali na rin akong lumabas ng sasakyan. Nang makitang nakalabas na ako ay pinatunog niya ang kanyang sasakyan upang mailock at saka nagsimulang maglakad papasok sa building.

He was walking with full confidence while both of his hands were slid inside his pants' pockets. On the other hand, I followed him with my head down and kept a huge amount of distance between us. He, then, suddenly turned to an expensive boutique which was full of formal dresses and gowns with various designs and colors.

I remained standing outside the boutique and watched Rojan being flocked by the staff. Ang tingin sa kanya ng mga kababaihan doon ay tila isang pagsamba. Their eyes were filled with adoration and amusement as they stared at him but his eyes were busy scanning the racks before looking back at me.

He briefly c****d his head on one side as a sign that he wanted me to go inside the boutique. The staffs immediately followed Rojan's line of vision and found me in the end of it. Hindi ko na ngayon maintindihan ang kanilang mga tingin. Pakiramdam ko ay sinusuri na ako nila ngayon nang mabuti dahil kasama ako ng lalaking kanilang tinitingala.

Nang hindi ko magawang ihakbang ang aking mga paa ay lumapit sa akin si Rojan. Hinawakan niya ang aking palapulsuhan at saka hinila papasok sa loob ng boutique. Nalipat ngayon ang tingin ng mga staffs doon sa kanyang kamay na nakahawak sa akin. Bago pa ako kumawala sa kanyang pagkakahawak ay binitawan na niya ako at saka pinaunlakan ng tingin ang mga kababaihang handang magsilbi sa kahit anong iuutos niya.

"Can someone please assist her in choosing a gown?" Rojan asked in a polite manner.

Not just a mere staff of the boutique, but the manager immediately stepped forward with her head slightly bowed. "It'll be my pleasure to assist her, Sir."

"Thank you," Rojan courtly said before turning to me. "Mamili ka na ng isusuot mo mamayang gabi. I'll wait for you."

Bahagyang nalaglag ang aking panga dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Wala sa sarili kong hinawakan ang kanyang braso bago pa siya tumungo sa couch dito sa loob ng boutique. Agad na dumako ang kanyang mata sa aking kamay na nakahawak sa kanyang braso kaya walang salita ko iyong binitawan.

Slowly, he lifted his gaze back to mine and his brows shot up. "What?"

"Hindi ko naman na kailangan pang mamili ng isusuot para mamaya. Ayos na itong suot ko o kaya ay uuwi na lang muna ako para magpalit kung ayaw mo sa suot ko," sabi ko sa kanya bago inilibot ang tingin sa mga mamahaling damtit na nakadisplay. "Paniguradong mamahalin ang mga ibinebenta rito."

"I'll pay for whatever gown you pick, so you don't have to worry about it," he simply said.

Napabuntong hininga naman ako. Madalas namin itong maging problema noon. Naiintindihan ko naman dahil sanay siya sa isang napakarangyang buhay. Mabuti na nga lang noon at napapasunod ko siya sa akin, pero mukhang hindi na ganoon ang kaso ngayon.

Wala na akong pinanghahawakan sa kanya dahil hindi na kami. My opinion won't matter to him anymore like it did before.

"Alam ko naman na kaya mong bilhin kahit ano pa riyan ang piliin ko pero ang gusto ko lang ay makatipid. Hindi naman ito importante para pagka-aksayahan ng pera," pagsasaad ko ng aking katwiran.

"Just choose any dress you like to wear at the party tonight. That's an order from me as your boss. Now, do it unless you want to defy your employer," he said in a very authoritative way that almost made me shiver.

I was stunned because of the words that came from his lips. It was the first time I felt the gap of our lives because of those words that came directly from him. Kung dati ay naririnig ko lang sa mga taong nakapaligid sa amin, ngayon ay mismong sa kanya ito nanggaling. He's finally executing his superiority to me that he's never done before. At dahil mismong nanggaling sa kanya ay mas lalong tumibay ang agwat sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko ulit patibayin ang puso ko dahil unti-unti na itong nasisira. Ngunit paano ko ito papatibayin kung araw-araw kong makakasama ang sumisira nito? Parang niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko kung ganoon.

The best thing that I could do was to prevent it from breaking even more. If I couldn't solidify the walls of heart yet, I would just build another wall that will surround it.

"Okay, Sir," mariin kong sabi at diniinan ang bawat salita.

Mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran dahil hindi ko na kayang tagalan pa ang aking pagtitig sa kanya. Sinamahan ako ng manager na maghanap ng dress. I let her choose a gown for me. Medyo natagalan pa nga siya sa pamimili ng ipapasuot sa akin at mukhang pinag-isipan niya nang mabuti. Nang makapili naman siya ay agad ko itong sinukat.

I would commend her for choosing a beautiful gown. It was a champagne-colored sheath gown. The whole fabric used in the dress was equipped with sparkles. It fitted my body perfectly, however, the backless part was kinda revealing to me.

"Bagay na bagay po sa inyo, Ma'am!" tuwang-tuwa ang manager nang lumabas ako sa loob ng fitting room.

I stared at myself in a bigger full-body mirror. I slightly turned around to see how my revealing back looked. I pouted because it was making me kind of uncomfortable, but I really liked how simple the gown was and even the color was my cup of tea.

"Sir! Bagay na bagay po kay Ma'am, 'di ba?"

Halos maestatwa ako nang mapagtanto ko kung sino ang tinatawag na sir ng kasama kong manager. Mula sa pagtingin ko sa aking sarili sa salamin ay nilipat ko ang tingin kay Rojan sa b****a na nakasandal at nakahalukipkip habang nakatitig sa akin. Hinagod niya ako ng tingin mula paa hanggang ulo at napirmi na ang kanyang tingin sa aking mukha.

I cleared my throat and stood up properly. I awkwardly held the skirt of my dress and looked down. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya ngayon.

"Do you have the same style without a very revealing back?" Rojan's baritone voice echoed in the solemn fitting room.

Muling bumalik ang aking tingin sa kanya. Mabigat ngayon ang kanyang titig sa manager at medyo mukhang nagpapanic naman ang kanyang kinakausap.

"Ah... Yes, we have, Sir," halos natatarantang sagot ng manager. "Kukuhanin ko lang po."

Mabilis ang pagkilos na ginawa ng manager palabas ng fitting room upang kuhanin ang sinasabing gown. Medyo nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag dahil hindi ko na kailangang magsalita patungkol sa aking disgusto sa gown dahil si Rojan na mismo ang nagsabi nito para sa akin. I was very thankful of him because of that.

"If you're feeling uncomfortable, say it," he suddenly said. "Hindi 'yong mananahimik ka lang pero ayaw mo pala."

My lips slightly parted and I was about to reason out when the manager already came back with a dress that looked exactly the same as the one I was wearing except for having a fully clothed back.

Hindi na ako nag-abalang makipagtalo pa kay Rojan dahil alam kong wala rin naman ako sa tamang posisyon kaya tinanggap ko na lang ang bagong gown na dala ng manager upang makapagpalit ng mas kumportableng gown.

After buying the dress, Rojan also bought me a pair of shoes and a small Chanel handbag that shared the same color as my gown. I really wanted to protest because of the prices of the things he bought me, but I always kept myself reminded of his words and just let him be. Tutal ay hindi ko rin naman pera 'yon kaya dapat ay hindi ko na masyadong intindihin pa ang mga ito.

Pati sa pagbitbit ng aking mga pinamili ay hinayaan ko na siya dahil mukhang iyon ang kanyang gustong mangyari. He put the paper bags in the back seat of his car and opened the passenger's seat for me before sliding onto the driver's seat. Napatigil ako at nanatili sa pagtayo sa labas ng kanyang sasakyan nang may mapagtanto.

He was acting perfectly like my Rojan, but I knew better.

He's not my Rojan anymore and never will be