FRIEND OF MINE (2nd Generation HUGS)

Chapter 12 -Nothing More, Nothing Less

Chapter 12 -Nothing More, Nothing Less

What she has just said plays in my mind over and over again. Pero bago pa sumara ang pinto ay kaagad akong tumakbo palabas. 

'Bella!' I didn't care if her secretary was looking at me with confusion. I ran towards her na ngayon ay pumunta sa dulong part ng floor. She was about to go to the elevator. 

'Stop it Ziggy! You knew so well that what you are saying is senseless! Hindi pwede! That's impossible!' I hastily grab her elbow and turn her around. 

'Bakit hindi pwede? Tell me why is it impossible!' tinitigan niya ako. Her beautiful soulful eyes are moist with tears. 

'Dahil may girlfriend ka na Ziggy! That's why! At may boyfriend na ako ulit. Troy and I are together again.' I don't know if my eyes are just cheating on me but I saw regret in her eyes when she said those last words. 

'Tell me that you don't love me kahit konti Bella at titigilan na kita!' her lips are quivering as she bursts into tears. Mabilis ko siyang niyakap as she cry at my chest and slightly pound it. 'Mahal kita Bella. Iiwan ko si Phoebe para sayo. Mawala na ang lahat huwag lang ikaw. Please Bella. Tell me you love me too.' wala akong naririnig sa kanya but her cries, heavy deep cries that breaks my heart into pieces. Nasasaktan akong naririnig ko siyang umiiyak, pero mas masasaktan ako kung maririnig ko mula sa kanya na hindi niya ako mahal kahit na konti man lang. When she begin to sob ay inilayo ko siya sa akin and gently wipe her tears away. 'Look at me Princess. Please look at me Bella.' hindi niya ako sinusunod kaya marahan na inangat ko ang chin niya. 'Tell me that you don't love me even a bit, and I swear, I swear to God ako na ang lalayo sayo.' 

God I love this woman. Being close to her now makes me realize na mas mahal ko siya than my current girlfriend. I know it's unfair but that is what I feel right now. Why haven't I realized it earlier? Bakit ngayon lang kung kailan nagkabalikan na sila ni Troy? Ganito ba talaga maglaro ang tadhana? It will make you realize things kung kailan huli na ang lahat?

'Hindi kita mahal Ziggy. Mahal kita, but as my best friend. And that's the closest thing it can get.' 

'Sabihin mo sa akin yan while looking at my eyes Bella. I demand that you say it straight into my eyes!' her eyes hesitantly gaze at mine. Halatang she is hiding something from me, halata sa mga galaw ng mga mata niya. I am looking straight at her, inside her very soul para malaman ko kung nagsasabi nga ba siya ng totoo. But one thing I have discovered, she is telling a lie. 'You will never mislead me Princess. You words may lie, but your eyes can't.'

I quickly wrapped my right arm behind her back and pulled her closer to me while my left hand held her nape steadily. It shocked her for a while so I seized the moment to kiss her. My lips are locked at her slightly ajar mouth, she tried to resist me pero hindi ko siya pinakawalan. My lips are searching, exploring and waiting for her response. I pulled her even closer as our bodies touched and a sigh or moan escaped her throat. I felt her body gradually easing as her hands reached over my shoulder. My soul soared high when she began to kiss me back. Biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko when I felt her lips moving, timid at first until it moved at the same rhythm as mine. Oh it felt so freaking good. It feels like heaven being kissed by her. I feel like I am being kissed by an angel right this very moment. We broke the enchanting moment when we scramble for air. 

'Let me go Ziggy.' tinulak niya ako palayo sa kanya but I didn't free her. I don't want to let go unless marinig ko sa kanya ang dapat kong marinig.

'Why did you kiss me back Bella? Tell me! Bakit mo ako hinalikan pabalik if you told me na hindi mo ako mahal?' her cheeks burned and her lips started to quiver again. Nakita ko na lang na biglang tumulo ulit ang mga luha niya kaya bigla akong napamura. 'f**k! Was it because of love huh? Or was it because you just got carried away? Tell me Bella!' 

'Hindi pwedeng maging tayo Ziggy. Can't you see it? We are not meant for each other dahil pareho na tayong into a relationship! Kaya tigilan mo na ako! Tigilan mo na itong ginagawa mo sa akin dahil nahihirapan na ako! Nahihirapan na ako Ziggy, please stop this. I beg you to please stop.' 

'But I love you. I love you Princess.' 

'Love isn't selfish Ziggy. It never was.' She pauses, then looks fiercely at me. 'Now if you really love me like what you've said, then leave me alone. Let me be of peace. Hayaan mo na akong lumayo sayo dahil yun ang tamang gawin natin. Masasaktan mo lang si Phoebe at masasaktan ko lang si Troy. I don't want to hurt him again, I can't afford to hurt him once again. Kaya it is better this way Ziggy.' 

'Bella, mahal kita. Ano pa ba ang gusto mong marinig from me for you to believe me?' I slightly shake her para maintindihan niya ang pinupunto ko.

'Please Ziggy, leave. I'm sorry that I cannot love you back. Let's save our friendship by just being friends. Mas mabuti yun than to force something na hindi naman dapat. Please, let's not end like this dahil mahal ko ang friendship natin. I'd rather be your friend than us being strangers.' nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. Alam kong mahal niya ako, ramdam ko by how she have kissed me back. Pero ang hindi ko makuha ay kung bakit mas pipiliin niyang maging magkaibigan na lamang kami kahit pa alam kong mahal niya ako. Bakit hindi niya ito ipaglaban knowing that I love her too.

I loosen my grip on her waist hanggang sa tuluyan ko na siyang pinakawalan. Masakit sa akin but I can't force her. I watch her walk away from me pabalik sa office niya. A tear fell from my eye as I watched her in defeat. 

‘I love you Bella. I guess this is goodbye.’

--- 

Hindi ko akalain na ganito pala kasakit ang salitang masakit. I thought masakit na yung mga naunang na-experience ko, hindi pa pala. You really wouldn’t know how painful it is not until you experienced it. Wala na yatang sasakit pa sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Gusto kong tumakbo pabalik sa kanya at yakapin siya and tell him that I love him so much. Gusto kong bumalik sa kanya para malaman niya na siya talaga ang laman ng heart ko mula noon pa. I want to kiss him longer and let my feelings tell him that I really love him. But I can’t. I wouldn’t dare. I cannot risk the consequences of that sudden act if ever. Hindi ako selfish na tao para maging masaya ako sa piling ng taong mahal ko but knowing that people are hurting because of my happiness. 

Nang makapasok ako sa office ay napaupo ako sa carpeted floor at napahagulgol. The pain is unbearable at hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito maalis sa system ko. Alam kong hindi ko na mababawi pa ang mga salitang nabitawan ko na, and even if mabawi ko man ay wala rin naman saysay ang lahat. I cannot love him back even if I wanted to, kahit pa that is my greatest dream ever. Hindi kakayanin ng conscience ko ang magiging kapalit if ever I will love Ziggy back. Marami ang masasaktan kung sarili ko lang ang iisipin ko. Maraming inosenteng tao ang masasaktan ko.

'Mahal na mahal kita Ziggy, if you just only knew how much I love you and how much I have dreamed of this. But I can't. I am so sorry but I can't love you back dahil marami ang masasaktan natin. At yun ang hinding-hindi ko kakayanin na dalhin.'

A week had passed pero hindi pa rin ako makapag-moved on sa nangyari sa amin ni Ziggy. I often visit our group chat to see if he is there pero hindi siya nagpaparamdam sa group chat namin. I tried to call him once pero nagulat ako because I cannot reach his number. Kaya naglakas loob ako na magtanong kay Zinnie who told me na nagpalit na pala ng number ang kuya niya but she didn’t knew kung ano. Honestly nalungkot ako. I remembered what he had told me the last time he was here. Tandang-tanda ko pa ang sinabi niya. 

Tell me that you don't love me even a bit, and I swear, I swear to God ako na ang lalayo sayo.

Could it be? Did he really mean that? Pero kung titingnan ang situation namin ngayon, I guess it is much better nga siguro that we part ways na muna. Mas mahirap ngayon dahil nalaman ko ng he has feelings for me. 

Tinuloy ko ang buhay ko even if nahihirapan ako. I try to divert my mind with my work and with Troy. Constant akong tinatawagan ni Troy, almost everyday and it gives me relief dahil kahit papaano ay nawawala unti-unti sa akin ang sakit na dulot ni Ziggy. 

Six months na ang mabilis na dumaan. I am now here at Boston for a client meeting, an investor na gustong mag-invest sa mga resorts namin in the Philippines. The couple saw our resorts through the internet and is willing to invest kaya ako narito ngayon sa bahay nila personally. After hours of discussions and presentations, I get them to sign the contract. They love to see the resorts personally. We have arranged our schedules for our flight to my homeland at ako mismo ang magdadala sa kanila sa mga resorts namin sa bansa. We are flying next month to be exact, kasabay na dun ang vacation nilang mag-asawa for a month sa Pilipinas. I told my father about the great news nang makalabas ako ng bahay ng new investors namin, and as expected, he is ecstatic and thrilled. Masaya siya dahil uuwi ako ulit at magkakasama-sama ulit kami. I have decided na dumaan muna sa isang mall nearby to grab something to eat, although the couple had invited me for lunch, pero nahiya naman ako na kumain sa kanila. 

I was enjoying my meal when a familiar woman caught my eye. Tiningnan ko siyang mabuti to confirm if siya nga yun. She was alone and also dining at the same restaurant where I am. Napailing na lang ako as memories of him flashed in my mind. Tinapos ko na ang lunch ko then pay for my meal. Then I walked towards the glass door when someone called my name.

‘Bella!’ nahinto ako sa pag-open ng glass door and look back only to be stunned.

‘Phoebe? What a pleasant surprise.’ I tried to calm myself dahil nasa harap ko ngayon ang girlfriend ni Ziggy wearing a loose white dress. The last time kasi na magkaharap kami nito ay hindi maganda ang kinalabasan.

‘I never thought I'd see you around! What are you doing here?’ She smiles widely before caressing her tummy. Napatingin ako sa baby bump niya but I manage to smile back at her with ease. 

‘I… I talked to a new investor here. They were interested in our resorts in the Philippines.’

‘Really? Congratulations! I’d love to celebrate it with you but as you can see, I can’t. I have to head back home, doctor’s orders. Bawal mapagod.’ mas lumapad pa ang ngiti niya. 

‘Wow! Congratulations! Ilang months na yan?’ pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko to show any signs of dismay sa harap niya dahil ayokong mapahiya. 

‘4 months and 2 weeks. I was with ZG a while ago but he has to be somewhere else now kaya ako lang mag-isa dito.’ napapikit ako sandali sa sinabi niya. So that only means that the baby she is carrying is Ziggy’s offspring. ‘Haven’t he told you? He'll be a daddy soon. Oh he can’t wait for our baby already. He wanted nga na magpakasal na kami but I didn't want to walk down the aisle na bloated and ugly. Hahaha!’ I show the most fake smile that I could master right now para lang hindi mapansin ni Phoebe what I really feel at this very moment.

‘He didn’t.’ 

‘Ah yeah, nagpalit nga pala siya ng number if I remembered it correctly. Hey Bella, don’t tell it first to his family alright. We want it to be a surprise for Tito Zeus’s birthday.’ 

‘Yeah sure, I won’t tell a soul. Congratulations again Phoebe. I am happy for you and Ziggy.’ She smiles sweetly. ‘So I better be going, I still need to return to San Francisco.’ kailangan ko ng umalis dahil baka mahuli niya pa akong umaarte lang sa harap niya.

‘Okay. Nice to see you again Bella. I’ll tell Ziggy later na nagkita tayo.’ I just nodded at her and summoned my feet to walk away. 

Nang makalayo na ako sa restaurant, bumagsak automatically ang mga luha ko. Hindi ko na pinansin kahit pa nasa public place ako at marami ang makakita sa akin na umiiyak ako, I need to release this burden inside of me. I hurriedly walked to the exit to grab a cab. Once in ay saka ako umiyak ng malakas that the driver disturbingly looked at me. 

‘Don’t mind me please. Just take me to the airport, thanks.’

So talagang ginawa niya ang sinabi niyang siya na mismo ang lalayo sa akin. At ang mas grabe pa dun ay magiging father na siya. I should be happy for him dahil ito naman ang gusto ko right? Pero bakit ang sakit-sakit pa rin kahit pa ilang months na ang lumipas. I thought I am alright already, I thought maayos na ang lahat sa akin at masaya na ako sa current na status ng buhay ko. Pero bakit ngayon masakit pa rin? Parang hindi ko matanggap that Ziggy will be a father soon. Ilang months pa lamang ang nakalipas yet he have managed to recover fast at ngayon nga ay magkaka-family na siya of his own, samantalang ako ay heto pa rin still striving. 

Siguro nga ay hindi talaga kami para sa isa’t-isa. Siguro nga ay tama si daddy before when he told me that I should live my life happily even if hindi ko kasama ang taong mahal ko. Siguro nga ay mali na umasa pa ako na someday there could be an us ni Ziggy. Perhaps ito talaga ang gustong mangyari ni Lord sa amin, that Ziggy and I will remain as forever friends… Nothing more, nothing less. 

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