Sunflower

It’s cold. Standing in front of the railing, my body couldn’t help but shake; though whether it was from the cold or the fear, I had no idea. Half an hour ago, I was so, so desperate to reach here, but now looking at the dark water, sparkling occasionally from the building’s light, my mind suddenly became silent; all the thoughts racing before just stopped. Taking a deep breath, I reached out my shaking hand and placed it on the railing. A sob passed through me when I raised my feet towards the higher platform. Steadying my body, I spread out both of my hands, feeling the breeze swayed towards me, leaving any worries behind. Finally feeling calm, I felt that moment of temporary peace; cars passing behind me, not even one stopping or caring. Just when I finally loosened my breath and my body’s nerves, getting ready to fall forward, someone called out to me. “Are you jumping off?” A deep voice sounded behind me. “Gah!” Startled, I pushed my body off the railing and falling off with a thump. “Oof! What the hell!” I felt a throbbing pain on my foot, must be twisted - a small voice sounded in my head. I took a ragged breath, mind buzzing with the adrenaline that runs through my body.   “Sorry.” The man shrugged. Glaring at him, I tried to stand up without putting a lot of pressure on my throbbing ankle and answered him defiantly. “I am trying to jump.” The man raised an eyebrow and looked over at me once. “How old are you to have problems big enough to jump?” I bristled. Just what… “If you think that teenagers didn’t have problems big enough to go ahead and kill themselves, you’re surely really mistaken mister.” Not only adults, teenagers and children also have problems that they might just not be able to handle. And the adults thinking that our problems are just a phase in life, sometimes just might be the one to push us off the edge. “Okay, sorry.” The man raised both of his hand in a surrender posture and apologized again. Sighing, I turned my back to the stranger and stared at the water below. It really took a lot of time to convince myself to jump. I didn’t think I could do it again… “Could you leave now mister? I want to be alone.” I said softly towards the man. “Sorry kiddo. I really need this magnificent view of this bridge now.” Taking out a camera, the man bended and propped his elbows on the railing and looked through the camera. “Okay, I will wait until you’re done.” I sighed. It’s a public bridge after all. Sitting down on the floor, I suddenly felt amused at my own situation. I didn’t know why I felt so calm sitting down here, when just only five minutes ago, my heartbeat was so fast that my heart could jump out of my ribcage. Was it because I have calmed down and could think rationally? Or because I only need a few more minutes until this stranger went away and could finally end everything? Staring at the cars’ light flashing, I took a deep breath and smelled everything once again. Dust, alcohol and vomit from drunk people passing by. What did I expect? The smell of grass and flowers? I chuckled at my own sentimental thought. I have become sappy. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. I felt my ankle throbbing worse than before. Finally fed up, I snapped my head towards the man standing so still while holding his camera, never even moving once. “I’m so sorry to do this to you mister,” I started politely, “but could you leave now?” I finished while gritting my teeth. The man sighed while straightening up and looked at his camera, shaking his head. “I don’t think today is the day.” Sitting down besides me, the man took out a cigarette and lit it up, offering the box to me. “Want one?” I looked at him in bewilderment. “I am underage.” The man chuckled and nudged my arm with the box. “You will die today anyway, what are you afraid of?” Hey, that’s true. Taking one myself, I picked up the lighter from the man and lit it up. Not knowing how to smoke, the smokes directly went into my throat, making me hacked my lungs off. Spitting the cigarette out, I glared with teary eyes towards the cracking up man. “That was nasty.” I growled. The man patted my back, standing up and gesturing me to do so. “What a kid.” “What?” I didn’t budge from my sitting posture. The man clicked his tongue and pulled me up. I let my body being pulled up, standing straight without slouching as the habit has been engrained to my bones. “Let’s go somewhere.” The man gestured to the road. I looked at him in alarm. “No, you’re not throwing me to the police.” The man laughed again. “Do I look like someone kind enough to prevent you from jumping? Even if I did, you could just come here again tomorrow.” “Then maybe you will bring me somewhere to kill me. I want a lonely and bloodless death.” What a morbid thought. The man looked at me in despair. “Do I look like someone cruel enough to do that?” I shrugged. “We’ve just met two hours ago. You shouldn’t judge people only from the way they look.”  “Okay, I’m just bringing you to experience the night life, once, before you leave this world, okay? There will be no blood involved. Money? I have a lot, see?” The man rolled his eyes while showing me his wallet. There’s a lot of bank cards and cash. He took one of the cards and showed me. Gerald. Photographer and The Tree Studio. “Aren’t you afraid that I will rob you?” I asked while eyeing his bank cards. “You’re dressed in branded clothes, kid. From head to toe. I don’t think we both are in desperate need of money.” “Let’s go.” The man started walking off to somewhere. I stood in silence for a while. Well… Why not. Just once, I wanted to do something crazy. Like believing someone who could possibly be a murderer. I didn’t need to think to know that it sounded as a really really bad idea. Don’t ever do that, kids.