010
1235 Words
HUNTER
He took my clothes off and brought me to the bed, and all this while I let on convincing myself that it was only his touch I need, i don’t mind if anyone else was with us.
That was a lie
I saw how he kissed him, maybe exactly how he always kiss me
Was there even a difference
So…so…
Did he ever even like me, I know he didn’t, but even a little bit…a little tiny bit.
All this emotions stayed in my heart and choked me to death till the end of the act.
The worst s*x ever, all because I love some far too much
When I got home, I decided to make up my mind that I did not need him anymore
That I was better off without him, that I…
Lies! Lies! Lies!
But I was tired of living this way, of loving someone who didn’t give no f**k about me
He didn’t even send me to love me Eitherway, so why can’t I let go, I should let go, I MUST let go
And then a new purpose was born
But it took all the soul inside me, it took all the hit inside me to treat him like s**t, as if my heart didn’t still burnt for him badly, uncontrollably
I lay on my bed and see his face
Dialogues we had always playing on my head
His smile, his smell, his taste…
So yeah, this was really torture, but I told myself I rather endure this new kind of torture than the last
All wounds do heal, it’s just that some varies.
When I started to avoid him at first, it felt like I wanted to die
I wanted to quit, to run back to him, to be in this bondage again
The bond age that I was trying so bad to break
I wanted to toss everuthing aside, my emotions all because of him
I remembered one day after class, some weeks in my new commitment
We just finished a match, and the rest of my teammates just finished cleaning up after the celebration, they said they were going to head to some s**t to party all night, cause that was one of the most biggest matches yet
He helped us win… that Mr. Perfect
I remembered I told some lie that I was not feeling too good to join the others, I just wanted to go home, then he showed up, hands on the locker, blocking the exist
“Why have you been avoiding me?”
That was the first time he was having this physical confrontation with me about it, he had only been using his eyes to tell me that he knew what I was doing, but now he had exploded
But it could only because he was horny or something, cause we always have s*x already every match, but I couldn’t read him today…
Nah, I was never able to read that face of his, that face that always makes me insane, so I never really always know what exactly goes on in that head of his.
“Talk!”
He instructed me, and I shivered
He liked that, knowing that he still had control over the way I react…
But not my heart… no my heart still beat for him, but that wasn’t important now
“I don’t feel so good, I want to go home”
I didn’t look at his face when I said it, and that got him pissed
“Don’t give me that bullshit”
He lifted my chin up and spat angrily at my face
I tried so hard not to flinch again
I hated this eye contact, those eyes
“I just want to go home”
“Still not the answer”
He barked back, and I took his finger off me
“Nothing”
I lied obviously and he read through me
“You got tired of s*x or sum?”
“What?!”
That came out faster than I could stop it, and then I saw how his lips twisted victoriously when he heard me
I wanted to wipe that smile away
That smile that cause me pain.
“Please leave”
I got to angry to keep control, and pushed him away, he didn’t expect it, and staggered a bit, but immediately ran up to me
His hands wrapped my waist,and the next thing I felt was his lips on mine
His kiss… that one kiss that wpukd be my death
I hated it I hated to remember
I wanted to crafve again
I had spent three weeks avoiding the hell out of him and now just one kiss felt enough to break that consistency
I was a mess
“f**k off”
I tried to push him away, but he didn’t let go until he had had enough of my lips
Of that taste again
He… to that motherfucker, he thought he can have whatever he f*****g wants, I wanted to change that, for him to have a taste of pain as well
Even if it was a little bit
I doubt I ever would ever cause any emotion inside him, cause who was I to him
But at least I didn’t wanted to give him why he wanted, so let two of us starve
“You wanna know why I have being avoiding you huh”
Tears started to flow done my eyes
His face reminded emotionless
“It’s because I hate you”
“We both know that’s a lie”
His words were faster than I expected, hewas too confident, that fucker
Too confident that I would remind his pet, his to please, his that he can do ewhatever he wanted to and I won’t say a word
Wasn’t I human
Wasn’t I enough
Wasn’t I…don’t I deserve to be love as well..my tears choked my thoughts from raging inside me
I knew I looked like a mess in front of him
I was a crying mess, but whatever
“I don’t care if you don’t belive me, am leaving”
I took my bag and started to walk away, then I felt a crash
I was back to a motherfucking walk again, he held my chin, it was nothing like love
Aggressive, dominanting, this was how he always his
“Say it to my face, and then I would leave you”
“I…”
I thought I was confident, I thought I would do it
I opened my f*****g mouth but the words couldn’t come out
No matter how toxic he was
No matter how I wish I could hate him
How I wanted to cut that f*****g ego of his
No matter how I wanted ti destroy him
I wanted to ruin him
I wanted… I wanted… I wanted
More tears started to flow down my eyes
I remembered seeing his lips slowly curving into a victorious smile as I before I ran out
I wished I never saw him again
But I couldn’t quit the team, but anything apart from the team practice and s**t, I tried my best to avoid him, until graduation…
I was proud of myself, I really was for making it this far…
I was entering a new chapter in my life
And he wasn’t going to be part of it
Foolish me to have thought that way…
- Writer
