Life's Way

Well i have been thinking maybe being birth to life was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Happiness is a very rare gem for me, i lost my father at the age of 12 due to testicle cancer i didn't even have the chance to tell him goodbye properly as if that was not enough,Ethan the love of my life died on the day of our wedding he was found in his room in a pool of blood which was caused by a very heavy metal falling on his head i suddenly felt just like Isabella from THE CASTLE OF OTRANTO but she didn't really feel bad unlike me it was like my whole world came crashing down i've known Ethan since childhood and we both confessed our feelings when we were 15 it was such a memorable day,we didn't forget the date we confessed and we made the date our wedding date 15th of march well now that day holds alot of pain since i lost him on that day i miss him so much "Stacy you can't stay locked up in your room forever you know we are all grieving the loss of Ethan Its not been easy on any of us you know"my mum called out from the other side of the door they don't know what am going through Ethan is my whole life but knowing him i know he wouldn't want me in this state so after getting my thoughts together i finally decided to open the door for my mom ,she looked at me and then gave me a big hug i couldn't hold it anymore so i broke down in front of her she just caressed me until she spoke"please don't punish yourself anymore Stacy i love you so much you are all i have" when i heard what she said i realized i had been bad and i hadn't considered how she was feeling ,she also witnessed the death of Ethan just like i did and am sure she must be going through alot "am so sorry mom" i apologized to her and we later settled down on the bed of my room i kept crying and my mom kept whispering sweet nothings to me until i fell asleep I woke up without my mom by my side guess she left me while i was asleep i looked outside the window of my room and judging by the looks it should be afternoon Wow! i really slept i guess i was really exhausted and since i didn't get any sleep due to the death of the love of my life but after my mom came to me yesterday seeing her like that gave me reason to keep living i never want to be the reason for the tears of my mom . I decided to get up and go find something to eat before deciding what to do with my life i guess am ready to move on cos life goes on,life goes on actually reminds me of a song i heard while i was in the car with Ethan i think that day we were going grocery shopping and then i heard the song "the song's not english how can you vibe with it"i asked Ethan ,he then looked at me and rolled his eyes playfully before saying"the song doesn't have to be english before i can vibe with it and besides it was a song by my favorite boy band BTS " sometimes i wondered if Ethan was bisexual because he had a wierd obsession with BTS i didn't quite understand but i had to admit even if the song was korean it was really beautiful . Those memories brought a huge smile to my face i miss Ethan so much but i've got keep going on with my life ,i met my mom in the living room watching her favorite show keeping up with the Kardashians i still don't get why she watches the show Its just about a bunch of girls i guess and maybe a boy or two honestly i don't care,mom finally noticed me and she looks suprised? maybe Its because i haven't been out of my room since the death of Ethan that was the day before yesterday she then stood up and almost immediately engulfed me in a hug "Its gonna be okay"she kept repeating it over and over again like she was chanting a mantra when i felt this hug was too much i pulled away from it and told her "i am fine mom okay maybe i'm not but i'm going to be i promise" the smile she gave me immediately after i said that was something i always want to see and i will try best to make sure of that she really is all i have right now going out my thoughts i asked her what she made for breakfast,if possible her smile grew wider "spaghetti and meatballs"she answered almost immediately "do you want it right now?"she asked and i nodded she then left for kitchen to get it , i decided to go to our dining table and wait for her after a minute or so she came in with the spaghetti and meatballs it smelled really heavenly i really missed my mother's cooking Its one of the reasons i strive my mouth watered just by the looks and smell of it immediately she dropped it on the table i devoured just like how a lion devours Its prey after like two minutes i was done with it and asked for more my mom complied and gave me another bowl , so like after 5 bowls i was finally okay i can't remember the last time i ate like this maybe because i've never gone without food for two days straight i guess am never doing that again and seeing the smile on my mom's face makes me feel more satisfied "mom can i maybe go back to working from tomorrow?"i decided to ask not knowing if it was a good idea or not she looked at me and shook her head"am not saying you shouldn't work but you need to take things one thing at a time ok sweetie maybe you can start working from next week how about that?" i smiled at her answer she was the best i honestly don't know what i would have done without her i nodded at her answer to which she smiled at.After our little conversation i decided to go to bed again and sleep which i really needed