Tonight and Every Night

Chapter 1“In the b***h seat, PJ!” Billy shouted from the front of the car. PJ hesitated, waiting for Elton to get out, but Elton motioned him to climb in. He clambered awkwardly over the larger man’s lap while the others laughed. He squeezed himself in between Elton and a man he didn’t know. They smelled like beer and something sweeter, whiskey or rum. Their elbows jostled him, he couldn’t tell whether on purpose or not. They hardly seemed to notice. Elton was telling Billy about a movie where a monster ripped apart a hot actress—yuck—and the other man was telling Taylor about the boobs of some girl in their finance class—also yuck. PJ tried to tune them both out, thinking about how best to narrow the scope of his mid-semester statistics project. That’s what the professor had written on his proposal: narrow the scope. He thought about math and didn’t notice the car had stopped until Elton got out. The man on his left shoved PJ toward the right-hand door. Taylor had parked crookedly, the rear of the vehicle only inches from the car to the left. Probably he had downed a couple drinks before heading out. This was the stuff PJ lied to his mother about. The apartment belonged to Giant and Bradley, neither of whom had invited PJ. Bradley had invited Taylor, probably. They had been roommates last year, on campus. Taylor got invited to lots of parties. PJ hadn’t been invited to one yet, unless you counted the Orientation Week Math Major Mixer to which all math majors were invited. They had drunk soda and eaten chips and played math games. Even compared to other math majors, PJ was bad at talking to strangers. People were less scary when he was drunk, he had found out the second week of school. Taylor was in PJ’s history lecture—repeating it because he had failed last year. Taylor seemed weirdly proud of how many classes he had failed. He was a junior and was for sure not graduating on time. PJ didn’t understand, just like he didn’t understand why Taylor had decided to befriend him. The second Thursday of the school year, Taylor had suddenly caught PJ’s arm as he passed on the way out of class and said, “Yo, PJ, you should come to a party with us. It’ll be fun!” and PJ had said, “Uh, okay.” The guys with Taylor had laughed and PJ had flinched and wondered if maybe Taylor had been joking—people had invited PJ to things before and had been joking—but that night, Taylor showed up at PJ’s dorm, already halfway drunk and shouting, “C’mon, lil guy, party time!” PJ wasn’t that short—five feet eight if he stood up straight. For some reason, though, people called him “little” a lot. Especially “that little weirdo.” That first night, Taylor had taken him to a party in the dorm suite of some sophomores whose names PJ had never learned. Taylor had handed him one drink after another, slapping his shoulder and laughing and introducing him to guys who also laughed and slapped his shoulder. It had been lots of fun until the next morning when he didn’t feel so great. Now, it was a month later and he had been to lots of parties, more than he ever expected when he left home in August. Like a normal person! PJ’s companions paused in the doorway because a couple was standing right inside it arguing. “—already stupid drunk,” a black-haired woman with sharply cut bangs was saying. “You can hang out with the i***t frat-wannabes if you want, but I’m going to Stasi’s party.” “Nadia—” The man glanced over his shoulder at the shouting partiers and sighed. “I should say goodbye.” “Bradley won’t care if you leave, and Giant’s too drunk to notice.” The man sighed again. “Yeah, okay.” He elbowed past Taylor without saying “hi.” PJ was glad when they were gone, because he didn’t like arguments, even not-shouting ones, and because he had been stuck next to the built-into-the-wall coat hooks, which had a mirror behind them. PJ didn’t like mirrors. They only ever reminded him that his boring brown hair was unevenly cut and that his cheeks were still round in the way that he hated because they made him look like a kid. He had hoped to look cooler without his glasses, but his brown eyes were a little unfocused and he suspected that he just looked already drunk. Then Billy handed around plastic cups and PJ stopped thinking about it. The first cup had Sprite and some clear alcohol in it. The second one had beer. After that, PJ lost track. The warm room smelled of beer and bodies and tilted gently from side to side as he tried to focus on blurred faces. Taylor and Billy were leaning against the wall and drinking. Giant was passed out in a chair. Elton and a girl tangled on the sofa, still conscious but barely. Bradley staggered by, shouting, “Don’t pee on the carpet!” at a swaying figure in the corner. Giant started in his sleep and half-rose from the battered recliner, his shaggy dark hair matted on one side. “Got…gotta piss…” He unzipped his fly and pulled out his p***s. “Not there!” Bradley leapt to catch his arm. “Bathroom, man.” Giant collapsed into the chair, eyes closed again. Bradley cursed and hurried back to the man in the corner, who was now making retching noises. PJ realized he was staring at Giant’s d**k only when Taylor said from behind him, “If you’re so interested, why don’t you suck that, BJ?” Why? PJ knew there was a reason. “My mom said…Uh. Ask first.” Taylor and Billy snorted with laughter. “Yeah, sure, Beej. We’ll wake him up and ask.” Taylor pushed PJ to his knees, reaching over his head to shake Giant by the shoulder. Giant’s head rolled loosely back and forth a few times, then he half-raised it and opened one bleary eye. “Huh?” “Hey, Giant, you want your c**k sucked, right?” “Huh?” Giant’s eye tried to focus on PJ. “Hi.” “Hi,” PJ whispered. “Your c**k! Sucked! Yes?” Taylor shouted. Howls of laughter. “Uh-huh,” Giant mumbled. “Go on, BJ. Suck it like a bitch.” Taylor gripped PJ’s hair roughly and shoved his head into Giant’s crotch. For a second, PJ couldn’t see or breathe, his face pressed to Giant’s crotch and Giant’s zipper scraping PJ’s chin. The screams of laughter were white noise. Then PJ was tumbling backward. “What the f**k?” Giant surged, swaying to his feet. “What the f**k, you guys?” Taylor stumbled into Billy, both screaming with laughter. Giant kicked Taylor in the leg—whether on purpose or blindly, PJ couldn’t tell—but Taylor yelped and stopped laughing. “WHAT THE GODDAMN f**k?” Despite his unsteadiness, Giant grabbed the recliner like it weighed nothing and swept it across the gathered drunks, producing shouts of pain and indignation. “GET THE f**k OUT, YOU f*****g FUCKERS!” Everyone ran for the door. PJ struggled to his feet and tried to follow, but a grip on his collar yanked him to a stop, almost knocking him off his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bradley scurrying toward his bedroom. Only a minute had elapsed, but now he was alone with an extremely drunk and extremely angry man who outweighed him by a hundred pounds and loomed head and shoulders taller. PJ tried to make himself even smaller. “You live in the dorms?” It took PJ a second to parse the question. “Uh…Uh-huh.” “No driving.” “Taylor brought me. But I can walk.” PJ thought he could find his way. He remembered the turns, although how many blocks in between… “It’s f*****g mid—two—night. S’not safe. Y’can stay here.” “O-okay,” PJ quavered. “Thanks?” And because Giant didn’t seem as if he were about to hit him, PJ managed to whisper, “I’m sorry.” “Huh?” Giant looked at his p***s, still hanging out of his pants. “Fuck.” He staggered across the room and threw up in the sink, while PJ stood where he had been left, melting into a puddle of shame. Giant finished puking, rinsed out his mouth, and splashed water on his face. He looked at the splashes of thin beer vomit on his shirt. “Shit.” Giant stripped off the shirt, then his pants, bracing himself on the edge of the counter as he pulled his legs free. He always wore baggy clothes and PJ had expected him to be sort of heavy, but he was just, well, large. Broad shoulders, wide chest, butt and thighs round with what looked like all muscle. He left the garments where they fell and crossed back to PJ, catching him by one shoulder as he passed and propelling him into the bathroom. Giant peed as if he were alone, then fumbled toothpaste onto his brush. He waved PJ toward the toilet. PJ tried to block Giant’s view—not that he seemed to be looking—but couldn’t get the flow started, even though he really did need to pee. Giant finished brushing and stepped into the shower. He turned it on, straightening with a gasp as the cold water hit him. PJ winced in sympathy and managed to relieve his bladder. He washed his hands, drank some water from the tap, and put toothpaste on a fingertip to rub his teeth clean. Not sure where he was supposed to go, he lingered in the bathroom, watching through the translucent glass door as Giant soaped his torso, then his crotch. PJ looked at his feet when Giant slid open the shower and reached for the towel. He dried the front half of himself, tried to hang up the towel, and dropped it. PJ reached for it and ended up on his hands and knees, head spinning, not sure how he had gotten there. Giant picked him up with one hand and steered him into the bedroom, where he half-pushed, half-deposited PJ onto the bed. Giant fell across it at a diagonal, which was the only way it was long enough for him to fit. “I can sleep on the floor,” he offered, wondering if there were extra blankets somewhere. Giant didn’t answer. When PJ bent toward him, he heard a faint snore. Bending made PJ feel dizzy again. He hastily lay down, taking the half of the second pillow that didn’t have Giant’s elbow on it. He could smell Giant’s skin. Usually PJ couldn’t sleep in strange places, but he was out in an instant. * * * * PJ blinked awake with early sunshine stabbing painfully at his eyes. He crawled out of the bed, making Giant stir and whimper. PJ could imagine how bad his head must feel. When PJ came out of the bathroom, Giant had the pillow over his head, but he tossed it aside to drag himself out of bed. He staggered to the bathroom and peed without bothering to close the door. PJ sat on the edge of the bed and made himself not look. After the toilet flushed, he heard running water, then a drawer opening and closing. After a minute, Giant came back and held out a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin. PJ took them gratefully. “Thanks.” “No prob.” Giant stretched over PJ to draw the curtains closed. He was still completely nude. PJ failed at not looking. Giant pushed him backward onto the bed, but not hard. “Go back to sleep, it’s barely dawn. I’ll drive you home later.” PJ gathered his courage. “I’m sorry I made you throw up.” “Huh? Booze made me throw up.” Giant flopped onto the bed, his weight like a tiny earthquake. PJ could easily have run his hand along the curve of his back and behind. “Oh. I thought maybe you were grossed out because my face was on your, um, you know.” “Um. No.” Giant rolled so that he could look at PJ out of one eye. “No, but you shouldn’t let people do stuff like that. You know what I mean?” “Yeah. My mom said no touching people unless they say okay. And don’t drink too much and make bad decisions. And don’t hang out with kids who do bad stuff.” “Well, you kinda did all those things.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “Why did you, then?” PJ swallowed. “I wanted those guys to like me. And I wanted…I guess I kind of lied to myself that it might be okay to touch you a little because you sort of woke up and didn’t say no and I figured I’d never have another chance. But I wasn’t going to do that other stuff that Taylor said, I swear!” “Touch…me?” Giant blinked. “Um, well, I don’t usually get it on with other people in the room, see. In the future, if you want to make it with someone, you should just talk to them about it, okay?” “Okay. Yeah.” PJ picked at his cuticles. “Well, then. Can I?” “Can you what?” “Suck your d**k, I guess.” PJ felt himself blush, grateful for the dimness. “You guess?” Giant sounded like he might laugh, which would be super embarrassing, but instead he said, “Sure.” PJ squirmed down the bed and took Giant’s p***s in his mouth. It was mostly soft, but not limp, and twitched against his tongue. c**k tasted of sweat and salt and something else. PJ tried to move his mouth and throat and tongue the way it had said in the article “How to Please Your Man” he had read secretly in the discarded lady-magazine he found that time the washer broke and his mother took him to the laundromat. He tried not to feel like he was choking as Giant’s c**k swelled in his mouth and blocked the back of his throat. He made an inadvertent gagging noise and Giant pulled away. “Yeah, I have a hard time giving head when I’m drunk, too,” Giant said sympathetically. “Come up next to me instead.” PJ obeyed, and held his breath as Giant opened PJ’s fly and took out his d**k. Giant’s hand was twice the size of PJ’s, his skin rougher. PJ gasped and clenched his fists in the sheet as calluses scraped deliciously over the tender area at the base of his head. Giant used the ball of his thumb to part PJ’s slit and smear the moisture on delicate skin, stroking up and down the shaft. Giant rolled himself atop PJ, sliding his own c**k into the hand pumping PJ’s. PJ whimpered at the sensation of their d***s rubbing wetly together, squeezed tight in Giant’s strong grip. Without meaning to, PJ let go of the sheet and wrapped his arms around Giant, one hand on the small of his back and the other clutching at the crease between muscular thigh and firm ass. He buried his face in Giant’s neck, trying to muffle the weird keening noise he could hear himself making as he spilled into the tightness of Giant’s fist. Trembling aftershocks of orgasm shot through him as Giant stroked for another minute before finishing in a slow flow of lava on PJ’s belly. Giant sagged a little, the weight informing PJ that Giant had been keeping most of it off him up till then. It was a little hard to breathe but somehow comforting. And it meant he could keep his arms around Giant, which was nice, too. Then Giant shifted to the side and he had to let go. “You okay, Pidge?” he murmured, his breath warm in PJ’s hair. “That was the best thing that ever happened to me,” PJ told him earnestly. Giant snort-laughed. “Didn’t you win some big deal math prize and a scholarship?” “Those were nice, too,” PJ mumbled, too relaxed to ask how Giant knew. He wanted to stay awake to keep enjoying how great he felt, but sleep was pulling him down. The bed was softer than the one in his dorm room, and he was warm all along the side where Giant’s body lay against his. He felt lips touch his forehead as he drifted off.