My Story

Hi, im Ruby and this is my story. as a kid I didnt have the best life, it wasnt the worst. i just had parents whi were always gone and when they were there they weren't really. my dad has a po--n addiction and had a really bad drug addiction. which made his anger issuse worse. he loved us though and so did my mom. He liked playing the guitar. my mom liked drawing. my brother got the drawing gene. I got a mix if my mom's and dads blue eyes, it made a grayish blue. a really pretty color. I dont know where we got our curly hair. my mom's hair is wavy and my dads hair is straight. Os the fact that me and my brother had really curly hair was cool. Thre was one night when my parents got in a really big fight. Throwing things and yelling at each other. They were throwing bricks and one hit my oldest brother. He ran to the neighbors house where they called the police. next thing I know there's police cars outside. Sirens blaring. The noise and people that came rushing was overstimulating, I was scared out of my mind to say the least. after that I was put into the system,. Every home I went to my brother came with me. I never realized how ducking I was to get to stay in a home with my brother. I was adopted after months upon months of fighting with my bio mom and dad. looking back all tuay trying and fighting just made everything so much worse. It gave me hope, so they-my bio parents-didnt come to signing their rights away as parents, It cut deep. I never thought it would hurt as much as it did. My brother remembers a lot more, sometimes i want to ask him what all he remembered but I always get to scared of the truth. What if its even worse then I thought? what if I find out that they didnt want us. Adter I was adopted, when i w a s two I broke my arm, well really my brother pushed my off the couch and my arm landed funny and it broke. But I was told that I didnt even cry when it happened. Growing up in a steady home when for your first year if life you didnt you start to realize all the bad habits you picked up and all the things you learn. Like how to tell who someone is by their footsteps and when to be quiet and when to talk. What to do and what not to do. It's such a hard transition moving to a stable home when all you known before was chaos. I wounder very often what my life would be liek if I was never adopted. Like how much of a different person id be. How my life would change, if it'll be slight changes or big ones. That's the question thats on my mind 24/7. What would my life be like? Would i be the same person I am? Or would I be completely differen? I wounder if anyone notices how hard it is to be me.Always feeling like i have to prove something. It feels like im not even human, with all this pain. I wounder if other people feel the same thing I do. Or am I the only one? I was told by a friend once that they relate to that and I lowkey felt so bad and wished I could take their pain. I keep looking on the night for the reason I was adopted Ever since that night I've been stuck in a state of fear. Fear of what will bc and what is